2007-04-23: And Then A Cage Comes Down


Emery_icon.gif Grant_icon.gif

Summary: Two men and a badger. Supreme battles ensue. Not really. SPOILER: Badger wins.

Date It Happened: 23rd of April

And Then A Cage Comes Down

A Random Highway

It was a dark and quiet night…

"911? Is this the feckin' people you feckin' call when there is a god feckin' - OH SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST there's another one!"

"Sir, please calm down."

Emery…is standing outside of a parked black SUV on the side of the road, his hand wrapped around a tire iron and his cellphone pressed between his shoulder and ear as he tentatively prods at something in the trunk and then goes back to yelling into his cellphone. His lilting irish accent cutting through and coming clearly over the quiet purr of the car engine and the other nightly road sounds.

"Dun tell me ta calm down you stupid feckin' /cow/"

Okay, it was…dark.

Another car comes to park on the side of the road, just behind the current one, and Grant pokes his head out the window. He has these moments of charity, you see, like right now, having seen what could be a stranded car with someone In Need, and he sighs to himself and steps out of his own car. He pulls his jacket around him tighter, using his foot to kick the door shut, and he— doesn't approach, hearing the angry cursing. "Hey," he says, a little louder to gain attention. "You uh— is everything alright?" God. Stupid moments of charity.

"What the…felony? NO dun hang up, you han-I AM COMPLETELY FECKING SERIOUS 'ERE, I'm being CARJACKED by a black and white mutant rodent from HELL." Well..the phone call apparently ends because that rental cellphone is hauled back as if to be thrown but Emery hears a voice and whirls around, brandishing that tire iron. "…a-alright?" His brow furrows before her rushes towards the man. "Nononono, get back! IT'll eat yer face and wear yer intestines like Jay-z wears…uh, what the feck do they call that shite? Sling? Bling? Bing? WHAT THE feck ever." He pinches the bridge of his nose and deep breathes, eyeing his trunk with panic as things fall over and there is that quiet growling little noises.

Well, it's New York. It's full of crazies. Grant puts on a smile, and holds out a hand as if trying to calm a wild animal - and not the one allegedly in the back of anyone's car. "'Bling' is probably the word you're looking for," the professor offers, and he takes a very cautious step forward. "Now what seems…" He trails off, because that is /definitely/ growling he's hearing from the car, and his put on smile drops completely. "What the blue heck you got in there?" he asks.

Emery turns to grip Grant's arm if he can, cellphone pocketed and tire iron held up at the read as he tug tugs towards the car, slow and cautious steps. "…what?" It takes him a moment. "I…what? I…I was just driving and then Eminem was all like 'this is the moment and madness' and then…I heard my beer fall over in the trunk…" It's best not to ask how he could hear this. "So I be just a pullin' over to investigate and…" A bag is pushed out of the trunk and the Butler gives a tiny jump and takes a step back. "SEE, it is obviously EVIL, that was the ABSOLUT!"

Grant's arm is gripped, and his eyes widen as /something/ pushes stuff out of the trunk, and he cranes his neck to look without needing to step closer. "And. And then some kind of wild creature had managed to sneak into your car?" he asks. The grip on his arm his shaken off, and ever so slowly, he moves forward a few paces to peer inside.

Emery opens his mouth and shuts it, following behind Grant and resisting the urge to rush forward to save his beloved vodka. He breathes deeply. "I dunno how the feck it got in there! Maybe Scottie beamed it down for all I know!" Then it shows itself, in all it's black and white, cheeto stained fur, razor sharp claws and fangs exposed.

It's not a girly scream. No really! It's very manly. Grant jumps back and into the Irishman as the badger suddenly pops its head up and— it snarls at them. With teeth. "Heck! That's a fucking badger," he says, in some disbelief. "How the heck did you manage to not notice a /badger/ climbing into your /car/?"

Emery opens his mouth and then shuts it with an audible -clack- of teeth as he reaches out to try to cling to Grant, to…protect the other man. Maybe. But then he forgets all about being terrified as he stares at Grant and takes a step away to just peer at him and reach out to prod him with that tired iron. "Okay…I'm on the side of the road an' there's a badger doing inappropriate tings to me carton of eggs and the Soymilk is spillin' over me Guinness…please tell me you did not jest use /heck/ and /fecking/ in the same expression of being boggled?" A pause. "Well it didn't exactly KNOCK first or announce it's presence until the third track of my CD! Don't judge me!"

"I was boggled, I wasn't thinking," Grant says, a little defensively. He squints at Emery for a moment in what could be a glare, before focusing on the car. Which is rocking just a little. "Christ on a stick. Did you call 911? Maybe we could— give me that." He holds a hand out for the tire iron, still watching the car.

Emery just blinks and eyes the car and eyes Grant and eyes the car and eyes Grant before just handing over the iron with a shaky (he will deny it) hand. "No. I just stood here screamin' at nobody on me mobile phone." He mutters before flailing frantically when the beer meets a tragic end of getting pushed out of the trunk as well. Thud - Crash - Shatter. "Oh me leord (which is lord with an accent, stfu)…it's moving, killit!"

"Okay, let's just calm down a sec," Grant says, waving a distracted hand at Emery. "I think there's laws about beating up badgers. Maybe." Now, he steps closer towards the trunk, tire iron held out. "Hey little guy," he says, to the beast fiend from hell. "Okay, we're just gonna get you right out of that car…" And… he pokes it with the metal lever, trying to urge it to jump out, while he tries to keep the rest of himself away from the car.

AND THEN A CAGE COMES DOWN - Actually no, the badger jumps OUT of the trunk and hisses at Grant so it's more: WITH THE JAPANESE FIGHTING BADGERS in it. Emery? Is so backing up towards /Grant's/ car. "…it's only illegal if you poke the damn thing with a spoon! Can you drive? Lovely." He's not running, he's speed walking. Rapidly.

There's a clatter of metal against road as Grant abandons the tire iron in favour of backing the /heck/ away from the creature. And when we say backing away, we mean suddenly bolting towards his car. "Get in before it tries anything!"

…and thus heroically, the two very manly men exit this scene, Emery scrambling into the /backseat/ even and screaming for the man to start driving! - While the badger raises up on it's hind legs for a moment to sniff the air, and then go back to nosing around in the grocery.

Badger: 1 - Humans: 0.

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