2010-07-17: Attitude



Date: July 17, 2010


Like is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it.


Hospital, AGAIN

One day, Erin is going to have to accept the fact that her genius sister is kind of a dunce. To be honest, Erin thought about making a statement by not coming at all when she heard, but she doesn't want to let things come between the family again. It doesn't mean she's any less hurt than she was last night, or all throughout the day. Apparently, she's still not family enough to trump Janet's gay best friend who Erin's personally never met.

Well, whatever. After watching doctors come and go from Janet's room, she waited until her sister was quiet. It's a tell-tale sign that she's asleep, because as far as Erin knows, that's the only time she's EVER silent. Quietly, Erin sneaks into the room to put a pink teddy bear and a card on the table next to Janet's bed. When she wakes up, she'll at least know Erin was here. Or… Sent someone here to leave things or something. She'll know that Erin still cares.

Turning to walk out, she looks at the lone plastic desk chair that's sitting on Janet's side of the room. Grunting, she changes her plan completely and pulls it next to the bed, sitting on it and leaning forward until her head's resting on the blanket. It's not long before Erin starts to drift off, as well.

Lying there in her bed, Janet had a nice cocktail to get rid of the drugs from her system, she'd been lectured, scolded, reprimanded and questioned for her current mental health status. When she wakes up, however, Erin is laying there on her bed. But it doesn't register as Erin, not immediately and the younger McCarty sits up startled, pulling a muscle in her still-healing back.

With a groan she shifts in the bed to try to loosen it, "Ugh." She begins muttering expletives that are virtually indiscernible under breath, but none would be considered normal swears. With another groan, she tries to stretch it out while lifting a hand to her forehead, she's got a splitting headache.

Since Erin's only partially asleep, the sudden movement startles her, as well. It was at the point during sleep where outside things were registering as sort of weird quasi-dreams, and Janet's movement was that big spider hanging over her head dropping onto the bed and the end result is that Erin pushes backward just a little too hard and ends up on the floor.

…Hitting her head against the wall and ending up with a nice headache herself. When she sees that the giant spider is, indeed, her little sister, she frowns. "Jan, what happened?" she asks, putting aside the argument she really wants to get into right now. "What're you doin' in the hospital again?

"What are you doing here?" Janet's throat is raspy as she squints her sister into focus. A hand is run through her very tousled hair as she narrows her eyes a little more before yawning rather loudly. She's not all there, and with the hangover she's suffering from now, it's not exactly an easy task.

A glance is given to her IV and then one back to her sister before she readjusts on the bed, "You okay down there, Erin? Ugh… my head!" It's literally pounding. Even with the solution being fed into her veins she has that coming-off-a-high feeling. "Jaden and I did shots… Tequila and meds don't mix… there was something about a mediator… and being one big happy family… and I got lectured here… but… the in-between is foggy…"

"Getting a concussion," is what she answers, pulling her hand away from the back of her head and checking it to see if she's bleeding. "And— " She gestures to the bear and the card, before righting her chair and climbing back into it. She's still seeing little firefly-like spots twinkling around her. They're… Green. Green?

After closing her eyes tightly and opening them again, she's glad that the green spots are gone. "You're supposed to know those things," she says, scooting closer to the bed. "And if you really want to know what I'm doing here, well… Look, what you said was right. But I'm done fighting about stuff like that. I'm not gonna let… years go by again. So." Reaching over, she gets the teddy bear and the card. "Of course, you owe me ice cream when we're out of here. I was pretty upset."

"The thing is I do know these things! Just somewhere between the angry and squirrely I forgot about the pain meds and did like horrible tequila shots with Jaden while we had another non-conversation about things," Janet accepts the teddy bear with a big smile before using it to walk across the bed and humming for him.

She manages a small smile and a semi-shrug, "I don't want things to be a total mess between us either, I just… I'm not like you guys. I don't think the same way, and my brain doesn't work like other people's. I don't get angry for long periods of time— I get hurt. And sometimes that means, yeah, I write my shooter back when he sends me five letters and ten dollars. And yeah, I want to do something nice for someone who maybe doesn't deserve it… maybe that makes me seem silly, but I think that's what makes me decent and genuine and honest, and all-around endearing."

Erin lets Janet talk, just staring at her, trying to ignore the little green dots that are shimmering on various surfaces in the room. She just hit her head, honestly. It's— Not a big deal, right? Maybe she should get it checked out…

"Jan, you and are are really similar, whether you want to admit it or not." For example, knowing the very best way to get to Erin. It was like she reached into her head and found the thing that would hurt the most. Then again, Erin did kind of call Janet stupid, in so many words, and they both know that isn't the case.

"Morgan and I were looking out for you. I know you're not a lawyer, but… Just read some cases when you get a chance, okay? Whether or not this guy is a good person, whether or not he deserves a second chance, he's not going to be able to get help if the court sees that you and he are friends. They're going to rule it an accident. And maybe he gets time for robbery, but…

"Look, you're not silly. I'm not going to say anything like 'I forbid you to talk to him,' but Janny, he could be playing you. And he could hurt you again."

"I'll be careful. Honestly, Erin I just don't think like other people, I have to assume the best because if I didn't then what would be the point in life? Like why bother, you know? Why bother with people? Why bother with friends? Why bother with relationships? And if I did then I would just be afraid all of the time. People fail us, but we can choose to be bitter and angry or assume the best and move on— " Janet shrugs now as she shifts again on the bed. "And I'm not wise, or amazing, or astounding, but I do know one thing— my attitude is everything."

Her lips flicker into a grin. "And I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry I freaked out, but I just feel outside of the family. I have for years and Parker is like… he's my person. Y'know? Like the one person in the world who understands me no matter what… but I am sorry I yelled…"

Where has she heard this before?

Moving from the chair and onto the bed, she sits next to Janet. "I told everyone 'I'll be careful' when there were people hunting me down. I thought because I was confident, because I was a star, that I was untouchable. I thought I was being careful, and then one night outside Taine's apartment, I was shot, tied, and carted off and no one saw it."

She's quiet for awhile. What happened then makes her so much more careful than she's ever been. "I'm not saying you can't be optimistic or that you have to be angry. But you do have to keep in your mind that whatever drove him to pick up a gun that day was probably just as natural as picking up a scalpel for you would be. And that's all I'm gonna say."

She doesn't move back to the chair. Instead, she pulls her legs up onto the bed and crosses them. "I've… been… trying to get you to let me in for awhile." She smiles nervously. I owe you everything. I would have died in there, so… I try to understand, even if I really can't. And I don't care what you say, I'm family, too."

"I… just feel on the outside. That's all. I have for years, Erin, and I've made the most of it. While everyone else was chumming it up, I did my own thing, played my video games, studied science, read medical journals… whatever it took, you know to find my place…" Her lips twitch a little somewhere between a small frown and a nervous smile. "I just… can't begin to tell you what it was like when I met my soulmate— we just talk and it takes no work and I don't have to worry about him taking my crazy antics the wrong way because he just gets drawn into them."

SHe shrugs. "And yes, you're family, but it's hard for me to adjust to everything. I mean, life hasn't exactly been normal this year. And I'm still not working." Her cheeks flush a little.

She's kind of surprised to find that it still stings, but… There's nothing wrong with it at all. Erin just kind of sits there and nods. "Well, I'm glad you're happy. I really am." And she's also getting the idea that this distance is because Erin has an ability. Maybe if she didn't… "I'd shut it off if I could. But now that I've been living with it for years, if it just went away, I'd…" She shakes her head. "I'm just sorry that I can't be normal. And if you find that in Jaden, then I'm glad." Smiling, she gently pats Janet on the shoulder. When she pulls her hand away, the tiredness shows, even through the makeup. Her entire ability to sleep normally has significantly changed since her capture. It's gotten better, but it'll never be the same. "Look, you should rest."

"I… was talking about Parker, actually…" Janet's face flushes almost a bright red, "… but Jaden is great too…" She frowns just a little, ironic that her soulmate is her best friend and not her boyfriend. "Jaden is good people and I think it's going somewhere, but when you have a best friend who makes you feel like you belong somewhere and you know that friendship will always be platonic…" She shrugs again. "And I love Jaden— " and there it is. The truth and it has Janet clamping a hand over her mouth. Her eyes widen and her mouth gapes at her little realization.

"…Parker." The statement is kind of surprised, and kind of matter-of-fact. She should have seen that one coming from miles and miles away. "Yeah, I kinda know the feeling, except— Nevermind." Her best friend has been gone for a long time, without contact. But she does appreciate that she had someone to go to for things that she'd never talk to Janet about. What hurt Erin most of all was the statement that Parker was more family than she was, and she's been trying!

The bombshell is finally dropped! Erin can't help smiling. "You know, this is the point where I'm supposed to tease you for hours about it. But can you take a raincheck? 'cuz my head is killing me, and I'm not so sure I should be picking on you when you're in the hospital."

"…Y-yeah… take a… take a raincheck on that one…" Janet stammers, still shocked herself at what escaped her mouth. Biting on her bottom lip she issues Erin a nod, "Don't… sleep for like six hours… it's not good if you have a concussion… I'll call you when I'm like… back… and by back I mean not here…" Her eyebrows furrow rather worriedly before she shakes her head a little from the shock. She's seriously puzzled by this realization and why she hadn't figured it out sooner.

Erin's kind of wondering if she does have a concussion the way these little green shiny things are appearing all around her. So she'll stay awake for a few hours, probably trying to get rid of the pain in the back of her head. Unfolding her legs and standing, Erin leans down to give Janet a hug. "Whether you like it or not? I'm always gonna be around when you need me." When she stands up, she adds, "Get better soon." Still half-smiling, she heads for the door.

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