2007-07-13: BAD PEEPERS


Benjamin_icon.gif Doug_icon.gif

Summary: Haven't you ever been… ?

Date It Happened: July 13, 2007


Location Primatech Infirmary

Sometime on Sunday morning, Benjamin comes to. He wishes he hadn't, because there's a massive amount of pain in his face. He finds himself in a bed that's not his and in a room that's obviously a hospital room.. then he remembers. He was hit by a truck right? No wait.. wasn't a truck.. "Nnnnngggh." Nova. Yes. that's what he said. Face swollen, bruised, bandaged, and coming up from anesthesia as Nova hit him pretty darn hard, he can't talk.. well he can, but it's hard to interpret grunts, groans and gutteral noises. Broken faces'll do that for ya.

Just as Benjamin opens his eyes, he's hit in the face by a spatter of firm, damp, irregularly-shaped shrapnel. It's not moving at a dangerous velocity. Just fast enough to sting, disorient, and impair vision. There is a weight on Ben's chest.

Whenever he clears his vision, the first thing he'll see is a Capuchin monkey crouched on his torso. The monkey is happily chewing on an apple, spinning it in circles and nibbling off small pieces of peel in quick succession. When he's accumulated another mouthful he spits it in Ben's face again. The shrapnel.

Doug leaps up from his seat on the other side of the room. He's been watching Benjamin for hours, and he's eating an apple identitcal to the Capuchin's. The tiny, gangly man shouts. "NO. BAD PEEPERS. BAD MR. PEEPERS."

One would hope that shrapnel isn't what immediately comes to mind where monkeys are concerned. Seriously. Yet somehow.. bits of prechewed apple isn't any better. Not that apple pieces really sink in as Benjamin groans at well.. everything. Eyes opening, he blinks several times, trying to focus, and what the.. Who let the monkey in!? That can't be sanitary. Beneath the lovely bruises and swelling, there's a look of horror on his face.

Mr. Peepers is unfazed by Doug's shouting. He springs up and down atop Benji and chitters out a gleeful monkeylaugh. The apple is discarded casually; a child's toy suddenly forgotten in favor of something more entertaining. He wraps his spindly, hairy arms around Ben's neck and opens his mouth wide. Halfway between a kiss and a bite, the Capuchin isn't applying pressure, but he does have a mouthful of cheekskin.

Doug's demeanor immediately changes. He drops his apple as well, now holding both hands up wardingly. When he speaks, his voice is low and soothing. "Don't. Move. Mr. Peepers has entered his attack posture."

Don't Move? What the hell is Benjamin going to do? He just came out of being DRUGGED, possible surgery, he hurts, he's disoriented.. Oh crap.. Megan.. there's a monkey biting on his face. How else could this day go wrong? Nevermind, don't answer that. There's a monkey involved. A rather dark look of well.. annoyance.. anger.. frustration.. all of that, is flashed at Doug and Ben focuses best he can on making that monkey sleepy. His focus might be a little off, or a lot off.

As soon as Ben starts to focus on Peepers, his little monkey head begins to sag droopily. He releases his mouthgrip on the man's cheek, but only so he can stick out his tongue for a spitty raspberry a scant inch from Ben's lips and eyes. At the same time, his little monkey pelvis starts to buck and thrust against Ben's shoulder.

"NO. BAD PEEPERS. DOWN. DOWN, PEEPERS." Obviously, soothing isn't the way to go. Now Doug is moving faster. He hesitates before plucking the Capuchin off of Benji, though. "Think you can wait it out?" he queries innocently. "I think… Yeah, he's almost finished."

Horrified is not even an appropriate description for how Benjamin is feeling about now. The glare he fixes up at Doug clearly says 'OMG Ih8 U'. Which is punctuated by a very rude gesture, as a sign of the affection the man is currently feeling. It's not a gesture he's ever made up until now in his life.

"Awww. Don't be mad, Benny. You act like you've never been humped by a monkey before!"

It doesn't seem to matter what either man thinks. Mr. Peepers has a mind of his own. Maybe Benji isn't pretty enough. Maybe their personalities just don't mesh. Maybe Mr. Peepers sees no future in their forbidden love. Whatever the case, the sleepy monkey spits at Benji again, then jumps off and scoops up his apple for more nibbling.

Doug smiles that disgustingly, ingratiatingly wide smile of his. "Agent Benjamin Winters, meet Agent Peepers. He goes where I go. You two will be seeing a lot of each other, so make nice."

Benjamin can't say that he ever has. He would have liked to have lived without this experience. Arm feeling heavier than he knows it to be, he tries to gingerly wipe at his face.. and regrets the action. Even with pain killers, this hurts. "Nngngngh.. hggrruuk." In other words, I'm already partnered with a monkey.

"You shouldn't try to talk," Doug advised his broken-faced partner. "Your grill is all messed up. But I did bring you this!" He stoops to pick something up off of the floor. It's a dry erase board with a marker clipped to the side and a string attached so it can be worn around the neck. He hands it to Benji. "Next time you should follow orders," he chides.

Benjamin takes the dry erase board, and wastes no time writing on it. He may not look it, but he's grateful for the gift. "They shouldn't ambush dates. Megan?" He wants to know how she is. Obviously, there was no clue about what his date was capable of doing.

In an instant, Doug goes cold. He smiles again, but the expression is detached. Joyless. "They shouldn't? Don't presume to tell 'them' what they should and shouldn't do. They own you, Benny. Every square inch of your life." He blinks. The goofy, pleasantness is now back in his eyes and his body language. "As for the new arrival, we're keeping an eye on her. She's pretty! Way to go, man! You been all up in dat vagina yet?" Doug cocks a hand, prepared for high-fivage.

There's a chill down Benjamin's spine at Doug's words. He knows this.. he does.. deep down.. it's not something he thinks about. it's not pleasant.. and the words are like a bucket of ice water thrown on him. He's still for several moments before erasing his words. The high-five gesture is ignored as he writes, "Don't talk about her like that. :(" he shows off the words before erasing and writing more, "She's a lady. Her brother is going to kill me."

"Her brother?" It's more musing than an actual question. Doug is filing that bit of information away for his officially scheduled 'debriefing' with the Deatley girl. He'll be talking to her about this brother of hers, you can count on that. "Don't worry, Benny. You have my personal guarantee that you won't be killed by anyone but myself or Mr. Peepers."

Speaking of Mr. Peepers, the monkey has finished his apple. He spits a mouthful of seeds and peel at Benji, then curls up in a vacant chair and goes to sleep.

On the eraser board, Benjamin writes '$%&@'. That's exactly what he writes. He let something slip… although it's likely that Lachlan was known about.. but still. At Doug's words, he then writes, "Thanks. That's not very comforting to know." He grimaces from the pain in his jaw and at the spitting of seeds. Mostly at the pain from said grimacing. ow.

"Mmmhmm." It's a neutral statement. No agreeing, no disagreeing. Doug's eyes seek out Benji's. He holds the other man's gaze for several very long and uncomfortable seconds. "You complain too much. Get well soon, Benny." It's anyone's guess when he's thinking. As he turns to leave, he snaps his fingers at Mr. Peepers, who obediently perks and springs up onto his shoulder.

Uncomfortable seconds indeed. Benjamin squirms just a little, then erases the board before writing, "Thank you for the board." Doug may be creepy, but Ben's still polite, and his partner did bring him a useful gift.

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