2007-03-29: Fashion 911


Mitch_icon.gif Leroy_icon.gif

Summary: Mitch calls Leroy for fashion advice. Leroy tries to arrange a blind date. What? (Just a quick phone log!)

Date It Happened: March 29, 2007

Fashion 911

New York… Somewhere

Standing in front of a mirror holding various articles of clothing against herself is Mitch, who dials a number out of the blue on her cordless phone.

PHONE: The other end answers, "Hello?"

PHONE: Mitch says, "So I'm totally standing here in front of the mirror, totally conflicted between this pink chiffon disaster and this retro something-or-other with polkadots — I'm having a fashion crisis, doctor."

PHONE: Leroy says, "*screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam* TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF RIGHT NOW WOMAN."

PHONE: Mitch says, "What! God, don't have a heart attack, jeez. I haven't put either or them ON yet. I need advice! I normally don't need advice! I just pick when the mood strikes!"

PHONE: Leroy says, "Don't -ever- scare me like that /again/. Wait. Who the hell is this? Why do you even own pink chiffon and aren't in jail? Find it. Burn it. Quickly."

PHONE: Mitch says, "Okay, okay, okay! God, I won't touch it again, I swear. And this is— uuh, well, you know me as Undercover Tony, who doesn't wear pink anything so much as… you know. Suits. And ties. And pretty damn cool hats."

PHONE: Leroy says, "OH! Tony, darling, is this really you? Oh my word, I thought this was one of Britney's friends again. Whew. Lawdy. okay. How are you?"

PHONE: Mitch says, "Oh, I'm stellar, doc! Really, great. Ugh, do you seriously know Britney's friends? God, you're still my hero, that's terrifying and amazing at the same time. How are /you/?"

PHONE: Leroy says, "Oh god, honey I know everybody. Seriously. Anywhooooo, I'm just fine. Hugh Laurie is proposing to me over the TV right now…so I'm just peachy."

PHONE: Mitch says, "House fan, huh? Sometimes he's too much ass and not enough jack. Seriously though, vintage polka dot yes/no? The mirror needs to know, doc."

PHONE: Leroy says, "How much do you weigh? From what I could see in that suit you are like a little stick lovebuckets, so you could pull off polka dots without looking like you have an abnormal growth. What are you accessorizing with?"

PHONE: Mitch says, "Sheesh, TMI much? My scale is as vintage as this dress, I don't think it's worked since 1951. I'm thinking of rocking the pearls."

PHONE: Leroy says, "Oh honey, my mind adds 5 pounds automatically, so either you tell me or I start guessin'. *thoughtful pause* Pearls, vintage dots…where on earth are you even /going/? Flats, pumps or something sexy on the foot, details baby, details."

PHONE: Mitch says, "I don't know! I don't pay attention! Guess minus five, okay? /Ugh/, pumps all the way. I'd only /hope/ you're a wise enough guru to know you can't do vintage polka dots without pumps. I mean, hello, hot housewife? Maybe I have a date."

PHONE: Leroy says, "Oh honey, you can do vintage polka dots with a pair of stilettos if you have legs like Naomi Campbell…anyhow! A date? Oh god, a date? Do teeeeell, even though I do have the perfect man for you if this one doesn't work out."

PHONE: Mitch says, "If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly an Amazon— wait, what? What? WHAT? What the hell are you talking about?"

PHONE: Leroy says, "I have a guy who'd appreciate even /your/ dumpy little legs. Which are nice in their own right, but it's your smile and charm that sells anything you wear. Hmmm…how do you feel about brunettes?"

PHONE: Mitch seems stuck on the same few words: "What?!"

PHONE: Mitch says, "WHAT?"

PHONE: Mitch says, "Seriously?"

PHONE: Leroy says, "…uh, yeah. I told you I was The Doctor, doctor of love AND fashion."

PHONE: Mitch says, "Doctor of— okay, look, doc, I'm not looking to be fixed up with some random brunette… dude."

PHONE: Leroy says, "He's only my best friend since highschool."

PHONE: Mitch says, "In what universe do you want to set your 'best friend since highschool' up with someone who you met while she was in drag as a particularly attractive GUY IN A FEDORA?"

PHONE: Leroy says, "…Because I love him? *small voice*"

PHONE: Mitch says, "Sounds more like hate from where I'm standin' half in my polkadot dress, doc."

PHONE: Leroy says, "He's very very lonely, Miss Tony. He cries all the time. Don't women like that in a man? It shows they are sensitive…or something."

PHONE: Mitch says, "Sensitive like a girl."

PHONE: Mitch says, "…Leroy?"

PHONE: Leroy says, "Okay honey, wear something sexy, I'll make sure he bathes. See you THEN."

PHONE: The phone call has been ended by the other person.

(insert gaping Mitch)

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