2007-05-21: Get On The Bus

Starring:

Shaniqua_icon.gif Cherise_icon.gif Q-Train_icon.gif GimmieDat_icon.gif

Summary: Them Damn Dudes are up to no good! Stealing a bus?

Date It Happened: May 21st, 2007. Late Night.

Get On The Bus


Harlem

It's a Dark and Smokey Night. Trouble is afoot in the land of New York. The MTA Bus Depot is quiet as possible. Maybe a little too quiet. The fence is working. The security guard (good ol' Horny McFadden) is doing that thing where he doesn't really seem to be paying attention to anything but the nudie magazine he's reading. Dogs are waltzing around the premises, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. Right? The place is, all in all, secure. Why in the world would a bus depot need such top flight security?

"Man, I'm tellin' ya'll, dis gon' be da' Ali plan of da' decade, right hurr." The cray Slanguage comes out of Gimmie's mouth, as he sits in the driver's seat of Da' General. He takes another hit of the blunt in his hands and slides it over to his right, towards Q-Train. "All we gotta' do is get our hands on one of dem buses and get it to da' Junkyard. I'll detail da' shiznit outta' it. BAM! The Ghettro."

Gimmie pulls out a pair of binoculars and peers through them, looking off in the direction of the security guard. Surveillance Style.

"Dis is how we gon' get the cabbage to save yo' ign'ant, raggedy ass?" Q-Train queries. He raises both eyebrows dubiously, and a long moment passes while he considers the ridiculous recklessness of his cousin's plan. Then he nods. "I'm in, mothafacko." He accepts the blunt, then lifts it to his lips an inhales deeply. When he's done, he passes it backward, then pulls down the ski mask he's got rolled up over the top of his head.

Shaniqua looks to Cherise, hoping that the other Y-chromosome-lacking person here has more sense. "And what the hell you gon' do with a bus once you be stealin' it? You got somewhere you think you can -hide- a bus? Cause ain't NO way you parkin' that thing anywhere by my place. You already got enough people lookin' fo' yo asses wit'out you puttin' a damn bus-size target out front."

"The /Ghettro/? The /GHETTRO/? You didn' just say that. Gimmie." Riding in the back seat is Cherise "Cherry Pie" Jones. She's leaning forward on her knees to poke her head between the seats. In her 'Gangsta University' tee and denim shorts (booty shorts; there is no mistake) rather than the stealthin' threads of Q-Train, she's sitting beside Shaniqua, sans seatbelt. She also looks very much like she has a whopping headache, but it's only because of her expression: incredulous. "Serious, what d'y'all need with a /bus/ anyway? Cheat all of Harlem outta bus fare?" … it dawns on her. "…We go to jail," she points with a long, immaculate bright red nail. "I never met y'all." Then? She takes what's passed back, 'cause she's gonna need it.

"Jus' trust me, aight? I saw dis ish on an episode of What's Happenin'. It ain't work then cuz they on TVizzle. We real. We can do dis." Gimmie makes sure Da' General's off and reaches for the door, putting his binoculars down next to him. He couldn't see out of those damn things anyway. It's too damn dark. Like Whoopi Goldberg.

"Dis da' plan. Booty and Bootier? Ya'll do ya'll thang an' get da' Rent-A-Cop's attention. Q an' I'll hop da' fence. I'll hotwire, we break fo' it. When ol' dude is runnin' to call for backup, ya'll come get Da' General." Gimmie looks over at Q and then back at the girls. "We ramenvous at Da' Spot after Q and I drop da' bus off and celebrate an Ali victory. Any questions?"

That's right, Q-Train's got on his best ninja outfit tonight. Black sweats and a matching long-sleeved shirt. Ski mask in place, he gives Gimmie a fistbump, then turns around to wink at Cherise. "S'all good, baby. We Supafly like Snooka. Ya'll just get up thar an' shake dem clankers about. We take care'a tha rest."

The "bootier" half looks over to Cherry. "This a crazy-ass plan." she says. But despite that, she gets out of the car. Time to make sure she's locked and loaded. 5" stripper heels? Check. Booty shorts? Check. Halter top? Reach up, adjust. Check. Hair? Damn fabulous and you better believe it. She waits on her backup to engage. Guard ain't got a chance.

"Yeah, uh, I got a question," Cherise pipes up, gesturing wildly before passing the blunt up front since the boys will undoubtedly want it before they go. "Are you gon' get me some ice when you get rich off the Ghettro?" Sarcasm! It's high as Gimmie and Q-Train. The young woman flops back against the seat and rolls of her long-lashed eyes dramatically before she actually, you know, gets out of the car. Tight shirt? Check. Booty shorts? Check. Stripper heels? No, but she does have thigh-high stockings. And a lot of thigh to start with. "I seen 'em like this," she confesses to Shaniqua. "Once they get an idea after so many hits you can't shake up their /FOOL HEADS/." Which doesn't stop her from trying, but when that doesn't work? She can at least look out for them. On that note, she grabs her purse from the floor of Da' General before shutting the door; it's a huge, gold affair, full of must-have girly junk. She goes about rummaging through it. "Hol' up, hol' up!" A small, black canister is shoved in Q-Train's face and waggled. "Pepper spray. Toy popo's got dogs."

Gimmie can't help it. "Grrrrrrr, arf arf!" He has a DMX moment and then it passes. Moving over to Shaniqua, he looks her dead in the eyes. "Be careful with him, okay? It's Da' General. Don't go over 45. Don't touch any buttons. Just… drive it." This is probably the same spiel he gives to anyone that he's going to hand over the keys to his only friend in the world. The only friend that he can totally and utterly trust. "Oh and don't pull to hard to the right on corners. Something's wrong with the suspension on that side. So be extra careful." Gimmie's turning to head off towards where they're going to start climbing the fence…. but then turns back. "Matter fact, don't go over 30…" Q. Stop him.

"Good lookin' out, babygirl." Q-Train accepts the pepper spray and the blunt, then gives his QT Pie a pat on the backside for good luck. He tucks the canister into a pants pocket, then glances down skeptically at the fast-burning end of the blunt. "Cuz. Shut up and hit dis. Shani's drove before." With one hand on Gimmie's shoulder, he presses the remainder of the ish into the other man's hand. The sacrifices we must make in the name of the greater good. "Remember, shawties. Clankers!"

With that, Q spins his cousin around and gives him a gentle push toward the fence. Time to get this party started.

Shaniqua is about to lay into G-Dat for suggesting she can't drive…and then Q-T derails it. Lips close and she just gives him An Annoyed Look, before looking back over to Cherise. "C'mon, girlfriend. Let's work dis." And she starts over in the guard's direction, putting more wiggle to her walk than anyone has a right to.

"Yeah, yeah, we gotcher back," Cherry Pie leans back and poses with a hand on her hip, giving Q-Train a smile. It's not exactly an /encouraging/ smile, it's - it's complicated. "Aight, Shan. Yeah, work dat ass." Game: on. It might be for a stupid reason. It might even send them all to the slammer. But that's no reason to slack. Fabulousness in full gear, she saunters alongside Shaniqua with a sway and swish of her hips in all their glory. Please God let no guard dogs attack them on the way to the Rent-a-Cop. As soon as they're in hearing distance, she croons out, "Heeeey, baby. You got a second?"

Nudie magazine is in full on read mode… but then he hears the voice of girls. McFadden blinks a couple times and then falls into Gawk Mode. Which is usually what happens when Cherise and Shaniqua are around any male. He coughs and stumbles out of his chair, fiddling with holding his pants up (don't ask why they were unbelted) and he comes tripping out of the Security Booth! He reaches up, after fixing his clothes, to straighten his hat out on his head and grabs his overcompensating flashlight from off his hip. It's clicked on and he shines it off in the direction of the girls. "You girls need some kinda' assistance?"

McFadden's words are not heard by Gimmie Dat. He's busy finishing off that blunt and flicking it off into the distance. After a couple of peeks back over his shoulder at his car, he's finally focused on the fence. "Okay. Let's do dis." He gets up to the fence and looks back over his shoulder at his cousin. "Scissors." Oh lord. This is what they brought instead of wire cutters?

"Scissors." When he left the crib, Q-Train knew he'd be carrying the scissors in his back pocket, so he took extra care to get the super-safe kind with plastic guards. He slaps them into Gimmie's outstretched hand, then presses his back against the fence for visual cover. "Hurry it up, dick." he hisses. "I'm not tryin' to go to jail." He doesn't have a gun, but he has pepper spray. Pulling it out, he holds it at the ready and swings it left and right, just in case a target should materialize.

Thankfully, Shaniqua is unaware of her cousins' incredible planning skills. Or they would probably be trying to figure out how to remove stripper heels from their colons. She puts on one of those smiles that causes the boys' brains to shut down for a little while, and moves up towards the guard, with a wiggle and a jiggle. "Hey, baybee. We supposed to be meetin' up wit' some people down at Shakas." Local strip club. "And damn but if we ain't got all turned around. Can you help straighten us out?" Little lean forward, cleavage shot. -Sliiiiight- sway standing there, like she's just a -little- tipsy.

Cherise doesn't stop her sauntering until she's /juuuust/ inside of the guard's space bubble. The boys may not have high-quality tools for the job (scissors? Serious?) but she and Shaniqua sure as hell do. She slides in reeeal close to her the other hot lady, looping arms as if to stabilize the both of them. "Pretty pretty please?" she says sweetly, literally bats her lashes at McFadden, then stumbles a little in her heels too, giggling. "We gonna be late."

McFadden blinks like twice and is looking at nothing but cleavage. There's even a bit of drool coming from his lip. "Buh uh… Shakas…" He doesn't even seem capable of forming actual words, but there's something to be said for the whole trying to point thing. "Duh… I think um… it's um…" He blinks and can't even tear his eyes away from their chests, but he's pointing off in the distance. Mission of him being completely oblivious to anything else going on? Accomplished.

Gimmie snatches the scissors and looks at them. "Perfect." He then gets to trying to cut the metal wiring. Nothing happens. "Hm. They must have some kinda' super fence." He leans back some and inspects it, then the scissors. "I got an idea. Stand back." He throws the scissors at the fence! They bounce off and towards the side, where they hook around a loose screw… and pulls it out. A moment later, the fence peels away from the post, creating a hole to climb through. "Booyah!"

"Respect, cuz." Q-Train gives Gimmie a final fistbump, then springs through the hole pepper-spray first. He dives into a roll, then comes up with it held out like a lethal weapon. Another roll brings him a little closer to the bus. This is fun! Another roll. Now he's getting a little dizzy. This time he comes to his feet, swaying unsteadily. Unfortunately, now is when one of the dogs chooses to make an appearance. It leaps at him teeth first! Wobbly Q-Train fires pepper spray in the general direction of the dog!

The Dogs don't even get the chance to fully attack. They yelp and take off in the other direction like white girls seeing Christian Bale shirtless!

"YEAH MOTHAFACKO! TAKE DAT!" Too late, Q-Train claps a hand over his mouth.

Shaniqua smiles as she looks back at McFadden. She'll give him a peek, sure. "That way, baby, you sure?" She looks to Cherise. Time to try REALLY pourin' it on. "That's kinda bad part of town for two girls like us to be in. You maybe wanna take your break, walk us a few blocks?" She puts her hand up and rests her fingertips on his chest. Any time now, cuzs.

Cherise bows her head down and looks up at the guard with wide, hopeful eyes lined in kohl. "Down that way? Yeeeah?" She twists and hooks (irony, irony) over her shoulder with a thumb. Purposefully, it's in the /opposite/ direction from Gimmie Dat and Q-Train's efforts with the fence. On Shaniqua's advance, she sidles on over to McFadden and brushes up against his side - then fakes a stumble, which, of course, means she /has/ to grab onto his arm. "We could sure use the help baby, 'cause I'm new in town and I jus' keep walkin' us in circles." Come on, boys, how long does it take to steal a bus? Little does Cherise know that they're only getting through the fence now.

McFadden would normally check his watch. But seeing as how he's always horny in the first place, he can't really argue with this whole thing. "Giggity, giggity. Break time!" He smiles and turns his hat around, as if that's going to make him be 'off-duty' and he decides to do something he probably shouldn't be trying to do. That's reaching out to wrap his arms around the waists of these fine sistas. Definitely going to take advantage of their drunken state. "Don't worry, ladies. I'll protect you from the creatures of the night." Oh brother.

Gimmie blinks as the dogs are gone and he bumps a fist with his Cousin. "Yo. Dog gone it." He waits to see if Q gets it, but then just waves his hand and makes his way to the bus. "Aight. I'm going to need a nail file, super glue, a potato chip, three pencils and some Bubblicious." Gimmie says all this as he peers at the door to the bus. He gets ready to wait for Q to give up the stuff, leaning against the door and it folds inward, opening up! "Ahhhh!" Wham. Metal step. "… or not."

Q-Train rifles through his pockets, then turns them inside out. Cradling the contents of a random day's assemblage in his hands, he turns to look at Gimmie wanly. "I don't gots no Bubblicious. Only Juicy Fruit. My bad, cuz." He's got the rest of it, though. Even the potato chip, which only has one bite taken out of it.
Shaniqua is willing to tolerate an arm on her waist to pull this damn fool thing off. Long as it STAY on her waist. She wiggles a hip into him once, and then starts to move forward. The sooner they're clear, the better. G-Dat might try something stupid like barreling the bus out at full speed.

"My h-heeero," Cherise says, stumbling a bit more to play up the tipsy girl act. She flashes the guard a coy smile as she and Shaniqua start walking with him. To God knows where. She goes full force into the plan, wrapping an arm around McFadden's waist as she saunters along. She chances a glance behind her, as if she could see the boys - but no, she can only /imagine/ the trouble they're getting into. Hell, they might make it all the way to Shaka's before the bus even moves. She tries to exchange a glance with her partner in booty.

McFadden is not exactly a good security guard… and he's not exactly free of having a criminal record. He, of course can't help himself. Arms around waists turn into hands sliding down to get grabby with asses as he works on leading the girls in the direction that's nowhere near where the boys are getting down with their intelligence mishap selves.

"Nevermind. It's open." Gimmie shoves at the doors a little more to get inside and into the driver's seat. He gets a little too comfortable in his seat and asks Q for exact change when he enters. "Let's see. Time to get Sandra Bullock on dis damn thing." And he's looking for the wires he needs to get this thing started.

When he's taken the seat behind Gimmie, Q-Train munches down the other half of the potato chip and stuffs the rest of the junk back into his pants. Grinning, he slaps his cousin on the back. "This is way easier than sellin' weed. Let's Ghettro, mothafacko." He pulls the ski mask over his faces and folds it back up above his forehead, exposing a toothy grin. From behind his ear, he pulls out a blunt, which is promptly sticks in his mouth and lights.

And it's a good thing that the boys are on the bus. Cause their window of opportunity probably just ran out. Shaniqua was already looking over to Cherise to figure out how long to let this play out…and then homeboy Grabs. Her. Ass.

"Oh no you din't!" is what comes out, a moment before Shannie lifts a leg, and drives a heel of one of those stripper heels down towards McFadden's instep.

Cherise takes the ass-grabbing in stride without a flinch - she's used to it, and it's for a /good cause/ okay, it's for a /cause/, anyway - though she does try to suppress a roll of her eyes and grits her teeth. Then Shaniqua has to go and flip out. "Girl! What!" She flies back from McFadden to avoid potential flailing in pain the man will no doubt experience and shoots a look at her cohort. Those heels are /hardcore/. "Uum." How to proceed… "Boy, maybe you should jus' respect for a minute."

McFadden is about to plead his case and try to get the verbal drop on these drunk hos, but his foot becomes an ornament for the great heel of Shaniqua's shoe. Screaming in pain and falling down to the ground, clutching his foot, McFadden looks to be taken care of for the rest of the heist!

Meanwhile, Gimmie Dat has managed to get the bus started up and he's slamming on the accelerator. "LET'S GET DIRTY!" And the bus revs its engine as it goes speeding towards the broken fence to break through and hit the open road!

"UNH! Roll like tires!" Gripping the back of Gimmie's chair, he sways back and forth in time with the bus's swerving. With the blunt finally lit, he puffs at it heartily before passing it off to his cousin. "OPERATION GHETTRO IS A GO!"

Shaniqua looks over to her partner-in-wiggle. "Run, boo!" She says, and she'll start to do that, making best time for Da General.

"Shiiit, uh, I'm with ya. Bail!" Cherise shouts after the guard hits the ground. (Wimp.) Besides, she thinks she hears the suspicious sound of a bus illegally barrelling through the night. "Back to Da' General before Gimmie Dat blows a fuse," she says wisely before taking off behind Shaniqua in an attempt to high-tail it back toward the car with practiced jaunting in high heels. Clickclickclickclickclick!

The Bus smashes through the fence, gets a little bit of air time! Freeze Frame!

And there you have it! Just like that, those Dudes of Hazzard are at it again. New town, old tricks. Who knows what they're gonna do with that there bus! This gone be one crazy adventure. Don't ya'll go anywhere, ya' hear!

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License