2009-12-16: Harlem Whites



Date: December 16, 2009


"I wish I was black."

"Harlem Whites"

Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles

Well, what do you do when you aren't helping the rebel front or hiding in a safehouse? You walk around the city.. I guess? Err.. ok. Anyway, this is exactly what Beatrix is doing this early afternoon. Dressed in a pair of dark jeans that are tucked into a pair of high heeled black boots and wearing a off white tank top, over the tank top is a dark brown leather jacket. The attached hood is drawn up over her head and blonde hair peeks out from the hood.

The young woman walks with her hands in her pockets and her head down, not really sure what to do today. Doe brown eyes scan her surroundings. Something she does often when she's out and about in the city, lately.


That would be the sound of Scooby Cain driving the Mystery Machine. It comes wailing around the corner with too much speed, even for a van with a FLAT TIRE. That's right, the Mystery Machine is going downhill and headed straight for some place that's ever so much like the hood. Harlem, New York. Not a safe place for (white) people to be, to be honest. But hey. Whatever works.

Jaden Cain holds onto the wheel as tight as possible as he swerves to bring the car off to the side and out of the way of whatever cars are behind him. "LOOK OUT!" Apparently, Jaden has forgotten that there's this thing called a horn. Which is not being used. Anyway. As the van starts to come to a halt, Jaden peers outside of the window and sees something.

"Oooooh. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Jawsome!" Jaden turns to look into the passenger seat at his trusty sidekick. "You hungry?"

Said trusty sidekick is clutching the door and the dashboard in front of her with a white knuckle grip. "Hungry? Yeah… I mean, as long as I'm not dead." Hallis glances out the side window and spies the restaurant. "They don't make the syrup touch the chicken do they? I hear French people in Canada eat maple syrup on their bacon and I just don't think I'd like it." Slowly, she releases her hold of the door and the dash and reaches to her legs to pull her skirt down a little, adjusting it to an acceptable length.

Opening the door, she jumps out of the vehicle and skips around to the other side to stop traffic while Jaden makes his way out of the van. "EXCUSE ME! SOMEONE'S WALKING HERE!" she yells at a red faced driver as he slams on his brakes to narrowly avoid hitting the small woman. "Hey look Jaden, I'm stopping traffic, get it? Haha!"

Is that.. the Mystery Machine??

Beatrix blinks and stops as she looks around the street. Does nobody else not notice this? The newly dyed blonde strides up to the van and grins as she runs her hand on the side of it. She kicks the tires fondly and then hears a voice.. is that? Nooo wayyy.

With an arched eyebrow and tilt of her head, the seeress walks from the side of the van to spot Jaden and some blonde in a skirt crossing the street. She snickers and shakes her head as she begins to cross the street, catching up to where her fellow rich person is. She leans in and softly says, "Driving a little rusty hot stuff?" she chuckles before moving on a bit. Let Jaden wonder who just spoke to him..

"Oh, relax. You'll be fine. It's all going to the same place. STOMACHVILLE!" That's right, Jaden Cain can find the optimism in any situation. Even though the Mystery Machine is being grounded for a bit, until Cain can call Triple J, he's going to partake in some delicious dinnerfast or breakner. You pick.

"You'd stop more traffic if you pull that skirt back up to where it was." Jaden's walking backwards to wink at Hallis, before he whirls around and comes to a stop in front of the great Roscoe's! "Oh Heaven! How I love thee!"

He doesn't get a chance to finish dropping to his knees and worshiping the building Wayne's World style before he hears another voice. One that's slightly familiar but. "Well, that depends on how hot you think my stuff is." Jaden's not even sure who's talking to him, but he's got an addiction to flirting. It's automatic.

"I'm telling you Jaden, my Stomachville doesn't like the mixing of the syrup with meats." Hallis says matter of factly as she twitches her way across the street. That's right, her hips are twitching better than the chick standing on the corner at the end of the block. It gets her a few whistles and the ire of the other twitcher.

When her boss spins to give her the wink and a smile, she smirks and shakes her head. "Probably, but it felt like it was just a belt where it was. Not a skirt." Finally she makes it across to the other side, her heels make her a few paces slower than the man of the hour. A hand comes up to run through her long hair and she flits her eyes to look at the other blonde on the street.

"His stuff is pretty hot, you should tell the truth." The little socialite grins toward the stranger.

"I haven't made up my mind." She says over her shoulder to Jaden in regards to how hot his stuff is. "Jaden." She says with a chuckle as she leans against the wall of Roscoe's. The billionaire might notice that the blonde before him is none other than Kitty Hanner. "Well he has to go and prove that, now doesn't he?" She laughs as she dips her head in head Hallis' direction in greeting. "New assistant?" asked with a arch of her eyebrow. Given from her knowledge of his stuff.

"Been a while sir." She tucks her hands into her pockets and looks back over towards the Mystery Machine. "And don't worry, the syrup won't kill you. The chicken totally makes up for it." She offers to Hallis politely.

"Oh, Meow Mix. It's you. I thought it was one of my fangirls." The tone is playfully teasing as he gets himself back up and brushes off his clothes. He really should stop wearing suits everywhere, but it's just so much easier to stay matching. Especially since Candy banned him from his costume closet for… well, let's not get into what happened. Stupid Moms. Anyway. "She's new, but she's not an assistant. That position is still open, so if you know any hot Double Ds… give them my number, kay?" Pausing, this is when Jaden realizes introductions are in order. "Oh. Hallis this is Meow Mix. Meow Mix this is Hallis. She's my personal mystery shopper." He does a little hand gesture thing back and forth between the women, just to point them out to each other, in case they can't see each other. Or whatever.


Jaden's eyes spin back to look at Kitty. "Um. When did you Eminem your hair?"

"Yeah, personal mystery shopper. I get him things that he needs." Hallis smiles as she raises a hand to wave at the woman. Then she seems to reconsider and takes a couple of steps toward her, holding a hand out to shake. It's polite and she doesn't seem to be sick with a cold. "I like the hair color, it really suits you." Admittedly, the petite blonde might be partial to the hair color seeing as it nearly matches her own.

"I don't know exactly how else he can prove it though, I mean look at him. He's got Paris wrapped around his little finger." Her smile widens and she looks back over her shoulder at her boss. "Maybe she'll put him in her next reality show… Or something." The something? Well there's the mysterious tape that's made a hit around Manhattan that she tried to buy up, but…

Laughing at the old nickname, Kitty grins and nods her head at Hallis. "Kitty." She says helpfully to the woman and she looks back at Jaden. "Well.. I have to make a change. You know, people looking for me and all." She waves her hand dismissively as if to say it's no big, but she looks at Jaden with a rather serious look from a moment as if to convey that it was much more serious than that.

"You like?" she runs her hands through her blonde locks and twirls one around her finger before ruffling her hair. "I'm going back natural soon so it's fine. Also, Nadine, she use to be my Vice President's assistant, I hear she was laid off because she couldn't find work appropriate attire.." she points down to her chest to indicate why. "So I'll slide you her number." The not so natural blonde takes Hallis' hand and shakes it nicely, thanking her for her compliment on the hair before snickering at Jaden. "You plan on showing the world your stuff with that particular blonde.

"Hey. I'll have you to know that nobody sees my stuff without expressed written permission from my Mama." The scary thing is that he might actually be telling the truth. What's even more scary is the fact that he doesn't take anything seriously. Especially any looks that he's getting to try and explain to him that there's something serious going on. He doesn't even know what's going on. He watches cartoons, not the news. "Jawsome. I'm always down for interviewing assistants with nice ass… ets." Jaden immediately turns his head to look at Hallis. "It's not sexual harassment if they aren't hired yet, right?" He's making sure to cover his bases, dammit.

Shaking her head, Hallis withdraws her hand after the shake and places both into the pocket of her little fur coat. "Not at all, it's called asking for a date. Unless you're planning on hiring them, then it is. So… if you're interviewing them, make sure they don't know you're interviewing them. I think." It's all confusing, and Hallis is the furthest thing from a lawyer. But it seems to make sense. "So why not just get them on a date, interview them casually, then not offer a job? Or do, if you don't like them." Then she frowns, wait a minute, she got a job. Then her expression smooths as she remembers it was before the plan was hatched. "Are we going in for chicken and waffles? I need something to drink. I heard Snoop Doggy Dog likes lemonade and chicken… I think I'll try that."

Chuckling at Jaden and Hallis, the woman walks into the restaurant and has a seat at a nearby table. "I'll make sure to get you that number, I'm sure you'll like her." She says softly before cracking her knuckles and taking a look at the menu. "Mmmm what to get what to get" Beatrix crosses her legs and then looks from Hallis to Jaden. "Soo.. how'd you swing this gig?" she asks Hallis.

Jaden is looking around at everything and everyone inside this damn place and he's smiling like there's no tomorrow. "Man. So much breakfast. So much grease. I think I'm going to die in here." And as he kind of drifts away from the two women that he can be considered 'with', he can be heard to mutter something to the effect of: "I wish I was black." But beyond that, he's doing this thing where he's focused on the menu. However, he does hear a particular question asked and he has to chime in. "She cheated!" And back to the food selection.

Shrugging, Hallis nods, "He's right, I did cheat." At least she's honest about it. She too has a wandering eye when it comes to the interior of the establishment, but for a different reason. "Holy fish sticks Jaden!" She exclaims as her eyes drift over the menu, "That's a lot of waffles and chicken. Do they serve just waffles or just chicken?" Many heads in the restaurant turn to look for the heathen that asked that question. Blame Hallis. Looking up sheepishly, she feels a little out numbered in her distate for the combination. "How about I have waffles and chicken then… and lemonade."

"Haha, how did she cheat?" she tilts a head and then Hallis says her bit. "Uh.. yes that's a good idea." She says softly and then puts her menu over her face. Way to stand out blondie numbero uno! The young CEO takes her hands and places them in front of her. She has decided on what she wants and looks over at Jaden, "Have you spoken to Gene or Eric lately?" Beatrix on the other hand.. has not talked to either man. Not yet at least, she's been keeping her distance.

"Not legally. But I think we all played Online Strip Poker the other night. Or maybe I was playing with myself. Don't remember." Jaden blinks a little bit, before just kind of realizing that this is going to be the most delicious event of food edibleness to ever grace his tongue. "I hope they drench everything in syrup. Man." Even his stomach growls at the thought of this greatness. "Oh! Right! She cheated at Radmobile. But then I Nerf'd her, so we're kind of even. A little. Right?" Jaden finally looks away from all the food selections.

Suddenly, the door busts open and in slides some crazy ass looking white boy that's so hopped up on BET it's not even funny. His hair has been cornrowed, he's jocking the style of some high end Sean John velour sweat suit. His doo-rag is messily tied and his cap is so brim-low that it's amazing he can even see (but that does help to hide what might be very familiar facial features). "HOLD UP!"

There's a pause as most of the black folks up in this place turn to look at the door. Then, there's a chorus of: "WAIT A MINUTE!" This new customer kind of pauses just inside the door, before spinning on his expensive ass Jordans and slides his way off towards the middle of the place. "LET ME PUT SOME PIMPIN' IN IT!" There's laughter and cheers from most of the people up in here as the man turns and starts making his rounds, slapping high-fives and doing cool ass handshakes with people. People keep calling him: Skittles.

"Oh I talked to him last night." Hallis says nonchalantly, thinking Kitty was talking to her for just a moment. Then she looks up and blushes, shaking her head, "Sorry, my mistake. You're probably talking about someone else." This is New York, there must be at least a thousand Eric and Gene combos. Maybe she said Erica or Jean. But the the door bursts open and her blue eyes shoot to the door.

In walks the biggest fashion faux pas this side of the bridge but Hallis just can't keep her eyes off him. "Wow…" she says in a low voice, "Just… wow…" Leaning over the table, the star watcher whispers to her two companions, "I think I saw him on MTV once, seriously, he's a celebrity or something. I think he's the guy Kanye was talking about when he said he was better than Skittles… or did he say Jesus… I can't remember."

"You know Eric.. with the real pretty eyes, brooding type of fella?" she asks with a grin and then folds her hands in front of her. "I know there must be a ton of Eric's in the city." she scratches her head and chuckles before looking at the man that has just walked in. "No.. when did he pull an Eminem?" Kitty shakes her head and chuckles as she orders her food and a drink, she's really hungry. "On MTV, he is better than Jesus?" Kitty can't seem to focus on this, too much going on. Waffles.. chicken.. blonde.. billionaire.. white boy…?

"Attention Roscoe's! This is now officially Skittles' Pre-Recording of his Debut Album Entitled: Taste The Rainbow As Soon As He Gets A Record Deal Album Release Party! Everybody's food is on this mutha' wigga' right chea!" That would be Skittles doing everything he can to make sure he's the center of attention, even reaching up to pull the brim of his cap down some more. This might make it easier to see that his pants are sagging and his boxers are, what else, Skittles flavored. It's a very, very strange human being.

"I don't care who he is. But I officially love him. I get to eat the greatest food on Earth and I don't even have to pay for it? JAWSOME SQUARED!" Jaden then turns to his mystery shopper. "Hallis. Take a memo. We gotta' get this dude signed. Call Def Jam. Def Leppard. Def Child Area. First thing in the morning."

Pulling out her jPhone, Hallis does does that. Takes a memo. She's got a grin on her face that's so big you'd think she swallowed the whole rainbow. "Can I meet him? I've never been on MTV, I mean, I could have been… but…" She drops the subject. Jaden's not the only one with an embarrassing tape out there, Hallis just managed to supress hers from public view. Then she looks up again, trying to catch the eye of the man of the hour. "Maybe I could be in his video?" Then she looks at Jaden with big puppy eyes, "If you make a video with him, can I please be in it? It can be my Christmas present!" The subject of Eric is quickly forgotten in favor of Skittles, then man buying them all their lunch. Hallis' order is rather meager, the smallest portion of chicken and waffles with a lemonade and a salad.

"Oh my.. god.." Kitty says, is this guy serious? All she can do is laugh but softly as too not draw too much attention to herself. "Invite me to the video shoot will ya? I'd love to see that." The blonde says and she takes a sip from her lemonade as she looks over to Jaden and Hallis. "You think he has star appeal? Maybe you should test him out Jay.." with that the woman leans over.. "Rap Battle."

With those words, the whole place may or may not go quiet and look around for who uttered those words. Or maybe they didn't hear..

Cain is about to bite into the middle of his waffle. He really is. The waffle is held up and his mouth is wide open and everything. It really is that simple. But then… the greatest idea of all time comes crashing into his head from the lips of Kitty. Jaden's eye twitches a couple of times as he tries to not think this is a good ass idea. But he just can't help it. He really can't. The fork is dropped and within moments Jaden Cain is on his feet. "Excuse me, ladies. It's time."

Skittles is in the middle of slapping fives with some Jive Turkey at the moment and he's quite oblivious to the fact that Jaden Cain is stalking him. "So den I waz like YO SHAWTY! WHY YOU ALL UP ON MY JOCKS?!" And in the midst of the laughter between Skittles and Jive Turkey, Mr. Cain reaches out with a finger to tap the guy on the shoulder. Skittles whirls around with the quickness. "YO! What you want, Brady Bunch?"

Crowd: "Oooooooooh!"

"Pardon me, Rerun. I was just wondering if you and I might have a duel of rhymes?"

Skittles looks at Jive Turkey and then they both look back at Jaden. "What?!" Clearly, they are confused.

Jaden rolls his eyes. "… I was suggesting we have a rap battle. Right here. In Roscoe's."

Skittles has to think of a moment, but then he realizes what's up. "OH HELL YEAH! I'm down with that, son! You wanna' piece of da' Skittles, then let's get this party started!" Skittles reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cordless microphone. Don't ask. "Yo! Anybody got a radio?!"

The cook is already hoisting up a classically old school boombox and slamming it on the counter.

This is just too good for words and Hallis is up on her seat and hopping over the end with her jPhone in hand. "Oh my god, this is the best lunch of my life." The blonde gushes as she looks over to Kitty with a big smile. Now if she could only figure out all the applications on her phone so she can take a video. "Go Jaden!" She cheers as she raises one of her little fists in the air. "Sorry Mister Skittles, he signs my checks…" the petite blonde says apologetically.

Reaching over, Kitty presses something on her phone and it switches to video mode. To which Kitty winks at the little blonde and she leans against the booth they were sitting at. She's not gonna lie.. she didn't think Jaden would do it but.. since he is.. "Email me a copy of this video." She says softly to Hallis. Then her arms are folded and she's looking over towards the cook. "DJ!" she shouts, to which the crowd in the restaurant all look at her. "Run that track." She says with a mischievous grin.

Cook (Yes, that's his name) raises a finger and presses play on the Just So Happens Instrumental tape that's in there. The song happens to be familiar to anyone that may have seen 8 Mile. For those that haven't, do feel free to refer below for an in depth listen.

Battle Track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVb0jvnHEpQ

As the music bumps, Skittles holds his hands up in the air. "Aight, aight. Hol' up! Since dis be my crib, I say we let Opie Taylor over heah go firsties." To which, of course, the crowd is all about. People are clapping their hands and preparing for what may be one of the craziest (Read: White) battles in the history of Harlem. Skittles grins and holds the microphone out to Jaden.

Jaden takes the microphone and flips it over in his hand, before turning to look at the restaurant which looks like a stage in JadenVision. He reaches up to loosen his tie and brings the microphone up to his lips:

"Ahem. Now let me think; I think boy right here needs a shrink; Cuz the last time I checked, real rappers didn't wear pink; This dude stinks; No seriously, come and smell him; The last time he took a bath, was graduation from grade seven; Look at his face. It's all: You said you wouldn't tell 'em!; But that was before, I clicked ignore on what he's tryin' cellin'; Don't get it twisted, I love this guy's outfit; It's everything I ever wanted… to wipe my ass with; That was a little drastic; Perhaps a little harsh; I'm just surprised that he can move, the way his draws are starched; I'm gettin' a little parched; I might just grab a soda; Never talented will you be… yes, I'm the hip-hop Yoda; I'm not just rollin' ova'; Because you learned some slang; Everything you 'bout to say, I heard on Pootie Tang; So here's ya' mic back, I just hope it works; They already heard the best, so come give me your worst."


Hallis' Jaw. Just. Drops. Then she starts jumping up and down and cheering, "Woooooooooo!!! Jaden!!" She wants to clap, but she's got the jPhone in her hand and now the video is going to be all shaky. Turning back to Kitty she grins widely and squeals, "Can you believe this? This is so much fun!" She hasn't had so much fun in quite a while. Good honest to goodness fun. "Man, I need to come to work WAY more often."

Jaden is met with a wide grin and Hallis settles back against the back of her chair. The jPhone is pointed toward Skittles as the mic is passed over and the blonde leans forward slightly, expectantly. Waffles and chicken and hungry stomach are forgotten for the flogging of the man named Skittles. Toward the microphone of the phone Hallis whispers, "Skittles is up next, and I am sooooo glad that I didn't have to have a rap battle with Jaden to get a job. Note to self, wear something good to work tomorrow. And bring cookies."

Skittles actually stares at the microphone for a little while. It seems like a bit of an eternity before he looks at the crowd and then back at the microphone. He follows it up the arm of Jaden Cain to his smiling face and that's the last straw. The last straw that broke the camel's hump and managed to obliterate the water inside of it and cause a flood that drowned fifty thousand ants on the side of the highway of love.

At any rate, Skittles only seems to be thinking for a moment, feeling the beat coursing through his veins, before he brings the mic up to his lips. His turn.

"So let me understand this, you challenged me?; Soon to be; King of the NYC; Bad move, Barbie, I'm the Ken around these parts; Go ask ya' Mom for directions, she's been all around these parts."

Yes. Skittles just pelvic thrusted during that. Wow.

"Ooooh, that's smarts; I can see ya' eyes gettin' watery; The only reason you got money cuz ya' won the guilty dad lottery; Don't come in my house, son, you'll get ya' face smashed; You came too fast; I'm contraceptively slowing you down… like brake pads; I'm your backstage pass; To Come Hard or Go Home; I can see you shakin' white boy, you're just a snow globe; Stay away from my mic, it's a no flow zone; I'm breakin' down barriers, you just a hole in the ozone; You got no throne; I'm comin' into my own; You in the wrong neighborhood, E.T… maybe you should phone home."



Even Hallis recognized the cut in Skittles' jib and she wrinkles her nose. The memory in her phone is running a little low so she pauses the video for a moment, hoping to save a little for the next round.

Kitty's gone completely silent now, it had to be that she was just in too much awe of the duo on the makeshift stage. The crowd inside the restaurant is fairly rowdy now, waffles are flying this way and that. Hallis gets one in the side of the head to which her response is to squeak and duck down toward the table. Thank goodness it didn't have syrup on it, she'd have to take a shower a.s.a.p. and she didn't think there was one at work she could use.

"Jaden, are you going to do one more? Come on! You can do it!! School him or whatever they call it!" She calls out, only to receive a few jeers in response. Her answer to this is to smile brightly at her boss and wave him back to the table before round two.

Jaden glares at Skittles. Skittles tilts his head back to glare at Jaden. But before long, the both of them raise their fists and tap them against each other.

"Until we meet again, Skittles."

"No dizzle, Novacain."

They both do this strange little jig number, that looks identical, and then Jaden is ducking his way back towards his table, whilst Skittles gets his high fiving with Jive Turkey back on. Jaden flops right down and whews. "Lemonade. Now." Yeah. He really was parched.

Sliding the man's lemonade toward him, Hallis is almost speechless. The video app on the jPhone is quickly turned off and she puts it in the pocket of her fur coat. "Do you know him? I mean you guys were doing that little dance up there and it's like you practiced it or something." She shuffles her chair a little closer to Jaden's and stares at him wide eyed. Gripping her own lemonade in her small hand and taking a quick sip. Then she's back to talking again. "This is the best work lunch I ever had, and that includes the one where I went shopping. Well two or three or four… Oh hell, I always go shopping at lunch. Say can we have lunch more often?"

A wicked little grin plasters itself on her face and she bounces her knees excitedly, "I'll even dress up or whatever, like that Agent 69 or whatever Eric said you'd have me dress up as. But only if we can go for more lunches like this." She picks up her fork and takes a stab into her waffle, slathered in syrup. The large bite makes it all the way into her mouth and as she chews it, she makes an insisted little 'mm!'noise before she swallows, obviously trying to keep his attention. "I think I like chicken and waffles!"

After guzzling about so much lemonade he should be yellow, Jaden just kind of smiles and shrugs. "I may know him from the old days. Maybe." Jaden smirks a little bit, slamming the bone dry glass down and then he shrugs again, holding his hands up to make sure that it doesn't look like he's trying to pull any fast ones. Hands of Innocence. "Hey, I dunno. Your boytoy might want to kill my face off if I keep taking you to lunch." Smirking. "Besides. That outfit is way too hot for someone that I can't call dibs on." Semi-Burn!

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