2010-07-03: Healing For Dummies



Date: July 3, 2010


Nurse Jaden.

"Healing for Dummies"

Hospital of Doom

It's midday at the hospital and Janet is, once again, examining her chart and still demanding Erin's. "I just don't see why I can't look at it! She's my sister! It's not like I'm going to sell her data or information to the highest bidder on ebay! I don't think I could eBay if I wanted to so there."

The nurse rolls her eyes at the doctor-turned-patient. "You know that's precisely why you can't look at it. Family and medicine don't exactly mix Doc." The nurse tries to issue Janet a comforting smile only to receive a short glare before exiting the room.

Still laying on her side, Janet scribbles something on the side of her chart. "My electrolytes are low… I need more fluids… get me another popsicle. Stat."

Jaden Cain… has just bought this hospital.

Strolling down the hallway, tucking his checkbook back into his inside pocket, he's also carrying a small lunch cooler that's dripping flavorful liquid from the bottom. He rounds a corner and then another one, before sliding down and skidding past any personnel that may be coming out of the room he's trying to get inside. That's when he hears the phrase that pays. Pressing back against the wall, he waits for the nurse to vamoose, before he ducks into the room, kicks the door closed with his foot and proceeds to reach into the lunch cooler.

"Your wish is my command, Female Aladdin!" Pause. "I guess that would be Alassin?" Frown. But then, his outstretched hand has a HUGE popsicle held out for the patient! It's melting. But still. He's trying.

The sound of the door closing doesn't cause Janet to look up, but the sound of Jaden's voice does, "JADEN!" She's pleased as a peach to see a friendly face in here and as such she tosses her chart aside again. "What are you doing here? How did you get in? Did the nurse let you? I don't know when visiting hours are I never worried about that— " And then she sees the popsicle. "Is ORANGE?! Orange is my absolute favourite popsicle type, extra points if it's tangerine!! I'm pretty sure that's not a very common flavour anymore— do you think it is?! I can't believe you're here! I got shot— I GOT SHOT! Can you believe that?!" And yes. Janet is rambling.

Jaden is all up in the mix right about now, trying to make sure everything goes according to plan. He's about to get into Answer Ramble Mode. "Tangerine! Yes! I'm here, of course! My girl is shot! That's bad! I'm here to make it better! Tangerine is totally a common flavor… when you're Jaden Cain! I know you too well to not bring Tangerine! Can I spend the extra points on hospital bed sex?! I cannot believe you got shot! Do you know who did it?! I will kick their ass! Do I get sextra points for kicking their ass?!" Whoa. Go Jaden. Counter Ramble. "… I bought the hospital."

"Eeeeeee!" the popsicle is accepted with a broad grin as Janet brings it up to her lips. "Ohmigosh it was INSANE! If you had been there you would've known how incredibly insane it was! INSANE! These two guys come into the MoMA and are all like waving guns and I'm like heck no! BUT I was smart and did everything they said, and I still got shot! Seriously!" She nods incredulously as she sucks on the popsicle and stares at Jaden. "And. And and. It was this really thick guy! He was like— " Janet moves her hands to show demonstrate the guy's broad shoulders. "— like THICK. He's in prison now, I think! Which is good, but yes, thank you for wanting to kick his ass… I'm not sure I"m up for hospital bed sex… he like shot my spine… and I'm having trouble on my feet at all— "

Jaden goes right into a wince because he's not sure how much comedy he should be adding to the situation. Frowning, he's already making plans to bail this guy out of prison, kick his ass and then press criminal charges against him. Rich people can do that, you know. Anyway, "Damn." He really doesn't know what he should be saying right now. The rambling has some bad news up in it. "Are you gonna' be okay? I mean, I'm richer than God. I can have the best spinal surgeon in the world here in less than an hour. I think his name is…" Jaden thinks about the only thing he can at the moment. "Jack. Jack Shephard."

"A few months of rehab and I'll be fine!" Janet quips perhaps too upbeatly. "Honest! I wouldn't lie! I am, however, worried about my sister. She's sick or something and they won't let me see her chart!" A mischievous twinkle creeps into Janet's eye, "Do you— do you think you could get it for me? I know you're like an incredibly wealthy, funny, awesome, influential, smart-like rich guy, right? I bet you could do it! You could probably do anything!"

Jaden raises an eyebrow. "Did you miss the part where I bought the hospital? Which pretty much means I own everything in here. Hey, does that like make you my slave?" Jaden shrugs a little bit, not really worried about it. Just figuring keeping the conversation light will help make all this bad news from being so bad. "Rehab? For a few months? There's gotta' be a faster way. How about weed? Will weed help?" Pause. "… Not that I have any on me or anything."

"Awesome! Can you get that for me? And yes, I'm your slave. But I kind of was already… kind of… sort of…" Janet wrinkles her nose a little while offering a rather lopsided grin. "Weed helps everything, man! There was this one time when I was in med school and I totally smo— " Beat. She stares at Jaden as her eyes light up just a little, "Do you have weed?" She feels like she's stumbled onto something extraordinary here…

Jaden looks at the door and then back at Janet and then back at the door. Oh and then back at Janet. "Do I have weed? Baby, weed is how I function in this crazy ass world of business. How else do you think I keep coming up with these epic ideas of awesome?" Jaden goes into his other inside pocket and comes out with quite zee large baggie. "This is my traveling stash. I call it: Optimus High." He's already pulling up the chair next to her bed and reaching for one of the damn cigars in his side pocket. "One puff of this and I'll transform ya'." Wink.

"Seriously? How did I not know this?!" Janet is stilling grinning only a little more lopsidedly. "I haven't smoked up since… since that night at med school after that giant exam…" She bites her bottom lip in anticipation as she leans forward to puff on that cigar. "Do you think they'll be able to tell? I mean.. it is a hospital. People aren't allowed to smoke normal tobacco, I'm pretty sure wacky-tobaccy is off the general menu…" But she doesn't seem to be waivering in her decision.

"I'll fire 'em." Jaden is not about to be worried about someone coming in on them doing their duties. After all, weed is from the Earth. It's like total herbal medication or something like that. Which is always good for any kind of pain symptoms! That's right, Jaden knows all about the good effects of Mary Jane. "Don't you worry 'bout a thing, babe. I got this handled. You just sit back, smoke that and we'll figure out what sexual position won't have you writhing… in pain, that is." Ohhhhh snap.

With a sly smirk, Janet takes the now lit cigar and takes a puff. Which causes her to cough. Awesome. She sighs rather lazily as the weed does its magic. "Light has kind of an almond taste, don't you think?" She arches an eyebrow a little drowsily before passing the cigar over to Jaden. "Or… maybe a burnt sugar taste?" She smacks her lips together as if she is tasting something strange.

Jaden hits it and is already passing it back. He's a Weed Guru, you see. Which is why he's holding it in for a few moments and then releasing as slow as possible. Smoke Shapes! "You're gonna' taste a li'l bit of everything in this, babe. Trust me. I'm rich enough to get this ish imported from the source." He grins. "I didn't know you were in to this. I'll have to show you MJ's Room when you can get out of here." Oh my. A room dedicated to weed?

"I used to be more into this— " Janet admits with a small wince and then an easier smile. "Mostly in college." Which, really, for Janet, wasn't all that long ago. "You have an entire room dedicated to weed? Really?" Her eyebrows furrow a little as she shakes her head just a bit, "You're full of surprises, aren't you, Jaden Cain?"

"You have no idea." Jaden's all about keeping most of his surprises a secret. Even though one of the biggest ones he can't even really spill, since its no longer existing enough to be a secret surprise anymore. He looks off to the side, as if missing something or someone, but then his eyes are back to the focusing on Janet. "We'll get you introduced to a few more of them when we're shopping for ninja bodyguards for you. No more getting shot."

"You have more of them?!" Janet eyes Jaden rather slyly with a small tilt of her head. "A lot more? Should I be… concerned?" Her lips purse together rather playfully before she teases, "Not a serial killer, I hope!" She winks before shrugging. "I went to the museum for quiet and I got none of that. Although I could've done with less shooting… noise is okay if there's no getting-shot to be worried about… and yeah, maybe ninjas are an okay thing to have around…"

Jaden pulls out one of those small recorders and clicks. "She went for the ninjas idea. Set up the auditions." Another click and he puts it back into his pocket. He just kind of gets to shrugging, as he leans in to pay Janet some closer attention. "I'm too generous to be a serial killer. Besides, I saw that movie. Christian Bale SUCKED in it. Thank God they made him Batman."

"Auditions? That seems like a lot of trouble. Can't you just like… hire someone or something?" Janet raises a hand in surrender though. Who is she to question Jaden's methods here? "And you're right, he's good as Batman, but really nothing else." She looks at the ceiling, trying to remember any other movies he'd been in. "So getting back to secrets… I'll let you in on one…" She smiles mischievously, "Showing up got you some serious brownie points, Mister…"

"I happen to be a master in the art of Chi Kan Wing. I'm definitely capable of handling the auditions for ninjas!" Jaden smiles, leaning back in his chair and looking as pimp as possible. "Brownie points? Brownie points that I can't spend until you're done with all this rehab! Which sucks. Cuz I really, really like cashing in my brownie points." Grin.

"Really? Another thing I didn't know," Janet says with a bright grin as she rests on her side. "Wellllll. I think… there are OTHER ways to cash in brownie points." She shrugs a little at this. "I mean there are a lot of ways to cash in on brownie points…"

Jaden blinks just a little bit. Then he's sitting up in his chair, leaning onto the bed, careful not to hurt or yank anything out. "… Oh reeeeaaaaaaallllllllly?" Jaden smirks just a bit, planting his chin in his hand and peers at Janet. "Please, do enlighten me."

Tilting her head a little Janet nods just a bit. Just enough, her own eyes sparkling with the mischief she's so known for. She leans forward and reaches for his hand to gently brush her lips against, beckoning him even closer with just the pads of her fingers. "Thank you for coming," she whispers softly.

DVD Extras - Deleted Scenes

Meanwhile, Nurse Jackie strolls through in the hallway. "… What's that sound?"



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