2007-08-05: Heists, Hats, And Heartache


Emery_icon.gif Candy_icon.gif

Summary: Am impromptu partnership in crime is born when Emery wants to steal a certain something.

Dark Future Date: August 5th, 2009

Heists, Hats, and Heartache

New York City… the bit with shops!

The problem with befriending a crazy Irishman…sometimes they call in favors. This favor comes in the shape of said crazy Irishman asking if you'd like to go for a drive, then pulling the car over and taking a swig of beer and sighing before quietly explaining. "I am kidnappin' ye now. Please dunnae be screamin' and yellin' til we get near some witnesses." A long pause and then another swig of beer. Why is he kidnapping somebody? It is probably best not to ask. Has he planned this out well? Well no. But the car of the week is a Volvo and he locks the doors. - Emery has never been /right/ in his head.

Blink. Candy Cain swivels her gaze from watching out the windows warily towards her friend. "You're doing what now?" she asks, voice pitching up in surprise, because she has to ask. She is the one in the car! At the sound of the locks clicking into place, she lets out a small sound… then narrows her eyes. "Emery Rowe," she says, in her Mom voice, which— somehow the war had perfected.

Lighting up there is that faint orange glow in the darkened car before he puts the lighter away and takes a drag off of his cigarette. Emery exhales a slow stream of smoke when she uses the 'mom voice'. "Me mum died when I was 11, dun even try it lollypop lady." He lilts with a snort before holding up a finger and reaching into the backseat, cigarette dangling from his lips. He comes back with a gift bag…a beat up and recycled gift bag but he put a bow on it okay? Inside is a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bra. It is black. "Open it." He offers. "Oh, and then you can use the ribbon to tie your wrists together." - He's a considerate kidnapper?

Candy purses her lips when she is Told, and slumps back into her seat almost petulantly. But hey, present. Even if this is… a… kidnapping situation, she is, for some reason, eager to see what's in the bag! The bra is taken out, delicately pinched between two fingers as she frowns over it, and the bottle is peered at. Then, Emery gets an incredulous stare at that instruction. "You're not very good at this, you know," she points out.

Emery quietly smokes, lashes lowered as he watches Candy with an amused - or drunken smirk, lashes fluttering. "Well? It /is/ your size. Maybe a bit tight but it doesn't matter eh? Just wear it. Or no bra…maybe that would be better? Iunno honestly." He /sighs/ and shakes his head. "Well, yer like a friend, and this is awkward as it is. So um. I'll close my eyes and look over here." He looks out of the window.

Oh crazy, drunk Irishman. LOOK JACK, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THIS INSTEAD. Candy keeps staring… before sighing, and grumpily shimmying off her shirt. "Only because," she says, a little muffled, "you let me paint your toenails," her shirt is thrown into the backseat of the car, "back in March." The bra is wrestled on, and yes, it is a little tight, but fits mostly comfortable. Certainly, the girls are on show as appropriate, and she can't help but adjust the straps to perfection. "Can I keep it?" she has to ask, now taking off the ribbon to wrap around her wrists.

"And I'll let ye powder me arse if you want too." Emery mutters around his cigarette before glancing back towards Candy to make sure the bra is on. "Um, well what the hell would /I/ do with a size umpteenthtitty bra?" His nose wrinkles. "M' a bit flat, so ye can keep it." He nods firmly. "So now here's the plan. I go there. We walk in, ye take yer shirt off and then I'll get the gun and then ye scream about how crazy I am and then I'll go steal the shit and then we'll go."

Candy is sliding her shirt back over, but all the while listening. About five minutes ago, she was ready to kick his ass, friends or not. But NOW THOUGH… now she's interested. "If I get shot," she says, pointing a fake fingernail at him. "I will nipple-gripple you." That said, she lifts a hand to fix her hand absently. "What do I get out of it?"

"I've got rings, you'll break your lovely nails." Emery replies before starting the car again with a soft laugh. "But ye won't be getting shot. And I'll steal you something shiny, I promise. Also, you'll get to be on camera again I'm sure. And then we'll steal the security camera footage and all will be well."

That sells it. Candy smiles brightly over towards the Irishman, and shifts in her seat restless. "Than lets get the show on the road! I'll have to show Desmond the footage when we get back," she says, rolling down the window so she can check her makeup in the rearview mirror. "I'll do my best Fay Ray."

Emery chuckles softly as he drives along, eyebrow quirking as he plucks the cigarette from between his lips. "Jump up and down a bit if you can too." Then he leans his head against the head-rest, lashes fluttering. "Get in and get out and…well yeah. Okay do ye need anything before we do this?"

Makeup is, of course, slammin' - so's her hair. Candy settles back into the carseat, winding the window back up. She then dips her hand into the bag, taking out the bottle of Jack Dannys. She twists off the cap. "Apart from some of this?" she asks, before taking a very brave swig of the liquor. Because OH GOD WHAT IS SHE DOING. She's… not sitting at home and play make-believe, is what. When she's done, she recaps the bottle and offers it to him.

The Irishman reaches out to take the bottle, putting out his cigarette against the dashboard, pulling to a stop at one of those uh, ya know, stores? That has stuff in it like jewelry and hats. - THEY EXIST SOME WHERE. And he stares at the place before sighing as he takes a swig of alcohol before setting it aside and tying a black bandana around his mouth, pulling up his hood and idly kissing the locket he untucks from under his shirt before tucking it back. He leans over to open the glove department to take out a gun as he hmmmmmms thoughtfully.

And off goes the shirt again, with a slight jiggle here and there. Emery should be so lucky. That is, if he swung that way. Maybe he does. Candy isn't sure but isn't about to ask any time soon! Folding up the blouse neatly, she hums as she ties up her wrists with the ribbon. Expertly. Don't ask. She waggles her fingers at Emery once she's done, then tilts her head, looking at him curiously.

Emery's eyes go down to stare at the jiggling for a moment before he makes a face. His sexuality remains an mystery as he unlocks the car doors and takes a deep breath. "3…2…1…Action." He gets out of the car and circles the car before opening Candy's door for her and reaching in to grab her arm.

Get into character, Candy. She starts to heighten her breathing, in the way people suffering from a panic attack might, eyes wide and watching Emery go around the car. There are already tears in her eyes by the time he's reached the door. "No. No! NOOO~!" And OUT the car we go, her staggering along as he pulls her, and she lets out a high-pitched, attention grabbing scream.

Emery tugs and winces, eyes widening before he holds the gun to Candy's head. "…shut up." He hisses. But he doesn't really mean it! Honest! As he's tugging/dragging Candy towards the front door and tries to stay out of clawing range. "I swear, her brains will be all over your beautiful welcome mat if you don't sit down, shut up, and mind your own business." This is his greeting to the shocked cashiers and such. He is charming. OH and his accent gets cleaned up some, going up a couple of classes.

Apparently, the character Candy has chosen isn't the clawing type. On cue, tears stream down her face, making thin black rivers as her makeup runs as only appropriate. "He'll do it!" she shrieks, getting her hysteria on, mock struggling against the binds around her wrists. "He'll kill me! He killed my— " Oh snap, she needs to think ahead more. There's a moment hesitation before she cries, "SISTER~!" Sob weep whimper.

God this is one loud cow. This is Emery's mental soundtrack as he shoves Candy forward none too gently and then turns to lock the door behind him - and he is wearing cloves as he points the gun towards the people who work there. "Get on the floor, you heard the dozy cow, I offed her sister and she'll be next if any of you give me any trouble." He 'warns' before look to Candy and snapping her bra strap - because okay, he's been wanting to do that and it makes a funny noise.

Well that is what you get when you picked an ex-B-movie actress for this, Emery. She stumbles forward as appropriate, dropping to her knees, but Candy pauses mid-sob to shoot a glare towards her new partner-in-crime when the snapping of a bra strap commences, before promptly resuming.

"Oi! You! Scabby, the one scaring at her cleavage…ahh, figuring out that you /do/ like girls after all are you chicky? Just lovely." He gestures for the gun for the teenager girl to come towards him before shrugging at Candy and continuing all this…drama. "Give it here…" He holds out his hand for the cellphone before clearing his throat. "I shall just be uh…a few. Dun move. Dun talk. Or I swear, brains, floor, boobly one. And not in that order." He cautions before going about his criminal activities. But he is Ghetto about it with a SMASHGLASSEXPLODINGSHATTERING, of a case. Okay? That was the wrong case so he moves to the next one and he'll just be picking the lock now.

Candy raises her hands to wipe the backs of them across her face, trying not to smear the makeup in an ugly way - in a cry pretty sort of way, maybe. She stays where she's kneeling, sniffling loudly from time to time, but her attention is mostly on Emery, watching for sparklies. Then, someone nearby whispers, "Miss? Are you okay?"

"Yes, fine," Candy says absently, then starts and looks at bystander. "Oh no, no I'm barely holding it together." That ends in a squeak as she starts the waterworks up once more.

WHAT?! There's a WHAT?! - Emery is pretty loud back wherever he is, picking locks and bagging things but it is important to note that he is selecting something pretty and amythyst and girly and carefully putting it in a box before scowling and picking up a pair of earrings - randomly- and throwing them into his bag as well. Now to find the security camera. "HOW the FUCK do you get the tape out of this ting! - Oi! Scabby!" He sticks his head out of the backroom and beckons for 'scabby' to help him with this before looking to Candy. "You better be crying bitch." Then to Scabby he hands the necklace he got. "Can you gift wrap this?" - And the sad part is? He is completely serious.

And she obediently lets out a wail. "EeeEEEEeeeaahh," it sort of goes like, before muffled again as Candy claps her hands over her face. Peeking once. Ooh sparkly. Back to business. "Please won't someone help us!" she cries, not really directing that to anyone in the room, but it seems like the right thing to say. Then, she wipes her nose, and glances back over to see how things are progressing. Scabby is choosing between purple crinkly paper, and green. "Ooh, the purple," Candy says, helpfully.

One finger moves to plug an ear as Emery shudders and waves the gun at Scabby in a general 'please hurry the hell up' gesture before 'stalking' back out towards Candy and the rest of the people. "If you don't go and pick yourself out a damn hat RIGHT this instance, I will shoot you! I'm not even lying. I will put a bullet through you AND the doublemint twins and every straight male with hormones will be crying their eyes out and boo hoo and wah wah. I know you hate hats! GET ONE, GET ONE RIGHT NOW!" He turns to Scabby and Co. "And then that will be all. Thank you all, you've been more than helpful. I'm going to take this copy of the security tape, by the way, and I'm going to need you to form a straight line towards the door." A pause. "Effing /now/." See him be uh, hard core?

KEEP CRYING. DON'T GO 'EEE'. With indecipherable whimpers, Candy scrambles to her feet and dashes over towards where their are shelves and shelves of glorious hats. It's really… difficult to keep up the fear and terror and angst when you're doing your favourite thing ever: shopping. But she manages it. Mumbles of "why are you making me do this!" and "how do you sleep at night!" and "this is the worst day ever!" and "I have kids at home!" are squeaked out as she tries a few one, finally selecting a big feathery white one. Wearing it, she moves on back, still with the crying: "It will match my new handbaaag," she whimpers through her tears.

"…Aaah, ta luv." Emery is thanking Scabby before waiting for Candy and just /staring/ at her and tapping a foot as he waits. "…and it really brings out your chest." A pause. "Err, bitch." Because he's the mean person here. Right? RIGHT?! ANYHOW, he's reaching out to grab her arm, the rest of the 'shit' shoved in his bag as he takes time to shoot out each camera - all 1 of them, it is not JC freaking Pennies or like Saks 5th Avenue. Then he's 'dragging' Candy out and being 'tough' in his posh British accent. Walking backwards with Candy in front of him. "C'mon, and no funny business! This I'll phshehhsphepTHBBT." One moment, he is choking on and getting feather and hat-brim out of his nose and mouth as he tries to find an angle to put the gun BACK to Candy's head. WHAM. Okay. So he needs to unlock the door before going out but he was blinded by the hat. "Then everybody ouPBBTHFFTH, Jesus's Mum did ye have to - err did you have to get the hat with the bloody SWAN still attached?!"

Candy sniffles, bringing her hands up to adjust said hat, angling it so he can get the gun in appropriately. "It was the most expensive," she whispers, as she backs out of the store along with Emery, and back out into the parking lot. Only once they're safely free of the store does she smile again. "Yaaay," she says, though quietly, loosening the ribbons so she can clamber into the car, hat filling up quite a lot of space, but she manages. "Now," she says, taking off the hat and setting it aside. "There's a Hugo Boss store we passed by. That's where we need to hit next." Sweet smile. "I need to get Desmond a birthday present."

"Gah! Woman! Hat! From hell!" Emery tugs the bandana down from his mouth and swats/bats at the hat to get room as he turns to throw stuff in the back-seat and he pulls out and off and drives lalalala. "Birthday…" He actually looks like he is considering it before he blinks. "Nonono, no distractions!" Then he pulls over at the side of the road. "We can do that next week." But he is pulling out the wrapped necklace while tossing Candy her earrings and then he pulls a small box from the back-seat as well.

This all takes time that passes quickly in magical scene land, because there is a cup-cake and a single candle in the cup-cake and he lights the cup cake before just holding the purply wrapped up present and clearing his throat. "Happy birthday to ye…happy birthday to ye…" He looks to Candy obviously expecting her to join in like a good hostage in the twilight zone. "Happy birthday dear Kennis…" And he tears up some here, clearing his throat. "Happy birthday to you." He can't sing. He really can't sing and it is totally lame and a bit insane to be singing to a cupcake and a wrapped up necklace on the side of the road with a big breasted volunteer hostage wearing a big-ass white hat after you just robbed a store. But the choked up, "Thank you." He offers Candy before /glaring/ at her hat, is heart felt. And he just sits there and stares at the lit candle. He might be a while.

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