2007-07-15: Hey, You! Take Me to the Movies!

Starring:

Niel_icon.gif Meryl_icon.gif

Summary: There's a mop, a pita, pizza, a movie, a date, and a married man.

Date It Happened: 15 JULY 2007

Hey, You! Take Me to the Movies!


Kirby Plaza

Scary Kirby building is Scary. Stuff goes on here. Stuff that nightmares are made of, with the yelling and memory-stealing, and /et cetera,/ one would think that a day wouldn't go by without something weird happening. After all, there are a lot of people up in this place who all do really weird things. Take that girl last week, who could make bubbles with her snot. Or was that just one of the employee's kids?

Meryl can never remember.

In any case, given the rampant Weird Stuff, she's currently standing in the middle of one of the building's many halls, contemplating her latest mystery. There's a stack of paperwork jammed under her arm in a manilla folder. Don't tell anyone - it's comic books. In any case, she's intently staring at a mop parked against a wall, which wasn't there when she went /into/ the ladies' room, but it's there now. Obviously, something is /afoot,/ and she plans to find out WHAT.

—-

"She's what?"

That and the sound of footsteps make up the announcement of Niel Youngblood's presence. He didn't put the mop there. He doesn't even really know how to use a mop. He sort of uses a Swiffer WetJet or something of the like. Why would there even be a mop here?

Whatever. Niel's on his phone, with a Bluetooth attachment in his ear allowing his hands to be free. So what's he doing with them? Why, he's holding food items. A pita and a bottle of Propel fitness water, to be exact. And he's not exactly paying attention to where he's going.

"Well, don't ask me, I have no idea." A pause and he rolls his eyes. "Tricia, stop, okay? Stop. I'm at work. You know I don't like it when you call me at work." Pause pause. "That's right, Tricia, never enough time for you, right. Go whine to one of your fuckbuddies and get back to me on how that goes." Beep! Phone off. And right around that time, it's BAM! Hello, Meryl! Nice running into you.

—-

As she's contemplating the mop, she's also thinking about the fact that there's someone nearby talking. She kind of expects him to just keep walking right on by, but in this case, it appears he's intent on running right into her, which she only just barely manages to side-step, which sends her into the mop, which falls with a crack onto the floor. Some janitor's gonna be pretty upset that their mop is no longer upright.

"I'm not familiar with that word," she says with a bright smile. "Don't think it's in Merriam-Webster. Could be wrong, I mean, who the hell sits around reading a dictionary all day, right? Other stuff to do and all that." She's got an accent. Not an incredibly powerful one, but enough that it's clearly not American.

That's about the point that she reaches for Niel's pita, because she's kind of hungry, and this will save her a trip to the cafeteria - or the local McDonald's - for a snack. "Thanks. You have /no idea/" how much I wanted one of these. I was having these dreams last night. Swear to god, full of these things."

—-

WHOA-HO. SNAP. WHACHA. BANG. Niel is in automatic Defense Mode as soon as it becomes apparent that there is someone in the hallway and he hadn't noticed them before. Fail, Perception. Thusly taken offguard, the mega-bodyguard can only stand and stare in the face of this chattery pita-thief. And he can't even defend his food. So his pita is taken. He finally recovers some, shaking off his surprise. "… that's … that's great, but this isn't your dream, and that's my pita." And he reaches to take it back. All the while, he seems to be taking things in good humor, despite the rather cold phone call earlier.

—-

Meryl actually does a very good job of stuffing the entire pita into her face before it can be RE-STOLEN, which means if Niel /really/ wants it back, he's either going to have to go in after it or… You know, wait a couple days. There's still a couple bites left once she's fit as much in there as humanly possible, and so - good-naturedly - she hands the rest back. It's… essentially just the bread part, with maybe a little lettuce stuck in for good measure. At this point, her mouth is still full, which means she has to hold out her hand for the bottle of water, instead of asking for it. Around said mouthful, she asks, "Froohnghhthhth?"

—-

… what. What? Niel stares at his demolished pita. Then at his bottle of Propel. Then at Meryl. It's just one of those moments where you can't leave someone hanging, so he slowly, almost as though hypnotized, hands over the capped bottle. It's black cherry-flavored! Then he just blinks in stunned silence.

—-

All she can do is nod in thanks as she accepts the flavoured water. Regular would have been just fine, too, but this is obviously /special,/ and therefore /better./ And so once she's managed to swallow most of the pita, she downs about a quarter of the bottle. Then she hands it back. "Thanks, here," is all that's offered, before she leans down to pick up the fallen mop. "Anyway, like I was saying, what dictionary d'you find that in? Whatever it is, I want it, I mean— the dictionary. Should I look for The Great Compendium of Conjoined Words?" There's a beat, then, "Am I at least sort of there? Something similar? Hi, I'm Meryl. Who was that you were talking to? Are you hungry? I could go for some lunch." She reaches for Niel's arm.

—-

Now with less than a pita and a quarter of his Propel gone, Niel is left standing there a little less of a man. And then he's getting his arm taken and offers of lunch, and really, he's not exactly against the idea. So he falls in step with Meryl without complaint. "Niel," he introduces himself, "and yeah, I guess I'm hungry now." Now that most of his food is, well, gone. He finishes it off to free up one hand and shrugs. "That was my wife. She likes every man but me."

—-

And so they go, toward the outside world, where there is a veritable plethora of places in which to eat! And it's about the time they reach the front door that Meryl turns to him and says, "I'm really glad you offered." In other words, he's buying, see? And this is how you get free food. She promises she won't eat whatever he decides to get for himself. Maybe.

In any case, since New York is full of hot dog vendors and pizza salesmen, she will eventually lead Niel to one such place that sells /both./ "I need a slice with everything. And a hot dog," she states, then steps a little to the left to indicate that Niel is now more than free to order for himself. "So, you don't really seem to mind that she's not exactly faithful, I see. Or, at least you seem aware. Is she hideous? Is she from Mars? I guess I wouldn't care if she was an alien, either. I'm much more flattering."

—-

Once again, Niel is rendered mostly speechless. Once they reach the hot dog vendor/pizza salesman, he blinks once. Twice. When it's his turn to order, he shakes his head. "Uh, no thanks." But he's pulling out his wallet to pay for Meryl's order. Yeah, that hint was so not-subtle. "No, she's not hideous or from Mars. She's just a bitch. Doesn't matter to me. I stopped caring years ago."

—-

What? WHAT? She offered you lunch, and you're not even getting anything? That's insulting, Niel, that's what it is. And Meryl looks at him as if struck. "He'll have a slice with everything, too," she says, looks back to her companion, then adds, "/Double/ everything." As an aside to poor Niel, who will not be eating healthy today, "It's good for you. Trust me. You have to keep up your strength for when you take me to the movies tonight."

—-

But. Pizza is not healthy. And it's definitely not healthy with double everything. "There are about fifty thousand calories in one slice of pizza," Niel protests. Good God, could he sound like more of a girl. And then: "… I'm taking you to the movies tonight?" Wow. How long's it been since Niel was on a date? "What if I have to work tonight?" (That's usually why he doesn't go on dates, see.)

—-

If he's worried about clogged arteries at his age— Well, okay, this is about the age that people should be starting to worry about heart disease. Still, you have to enjoy a slice of pizza now and again, or you're just no human. Perhaps he's an alien, too, which would explain why he married his crazy alien wife from Mars, who has twn eyes and 13 arms, and speaks backwards, and has antlers and other such unsightly features that make her otherwise undesireable, except to Men Who Are Not Niel.

Pizza acquired, she hands Neil's slice over, which is practically dripping with the amount of grease on it. And a little piece of pineapple falls off and goes skittering across the ground. With her other hand, Meryl takes her hot dog, removes it from the paper, and puts it on top of her pizza.

"You don't have to work tonight." She points at his shoes. "Nothing important, anyway. If you were gonna be on a field assignment tonight, you'd be wearing sneakers." AH! IN BEFORE HE CAN SAY ANYTHING. "Yes, all day. Because you wouldn't want to be walking around in something tacky like that. Your feet must be killing you."

—-

The look Niel gives to his slice of pizza is the sort one would give to a cold, dead, half-rotting fish. He can just hear his left ventricle slamming shut. He doesn't take a bite. He just pays for this death food, tucks away his wallet, and then proceeds to stare at his pizza. God, no. No. No. "… I have another job, you know," he utters. Even if he doesn't really do it much these days. Outside of the Company. Which … he doesn't have to work at tonight because he had a really early shift this morning. Yeah, he's just bullshitting here.

—-

"Oh, look, if you don't want to go, just say so." Meryl takes a bite of her hot dog pizza, gesturing to Niel to do the same as she heads further into the plaza, because the mop-toting janitorial staff would kill her if she got anchovies and green peppers all over their floor. Do the janitors need clearance? Are there any named Clarence? Perhaps Vladimir? "This is actually really good. I think it's the best in the city. Anyway, yeah, if you don't want to go, just say so. 'Course, I'll have to throw a fit right here in the middle of all these people, and that's going to look really bad on you, Mate. C'mon, it's just a movie. I dunno what you're expecting, but it's /probably not what you're thinking./ I just want to see robots kicking each others' asses. That's entertainment, and really, you don't see that sort of stuff in the real world." It takes a few seconds to swallow her next bite. "Okay, so there's people who put giant robots to shame. But they aren't in the /theatre,/ Niel! Popcorn! Nachos! More pizza! /PLEASE?/" Onlookers wouldn't be able to tell that these two /just met./

—-

Well, Niel doesn't want the embarrassment of having a woman throw a fit in the middle of the plaza, and it's not like he's working anyway, and it's really not like he wants to go home tonight at all. Hell, he was planning to apply to work another late shift tonight anyway. It's not like he has to. So he shrugs his broad shoulders, smirking a bit. "Okay, okay, fine. But I'm not touching the popcorn, nachos, or pizza." Because this is going to completely destroy his calorie intake for the decade anyway.

—-

"You are /so weird,/" she says, laughing, picking off one of the pepperonis on her own slice so she can NOM ON IT. "Really, you act like pizza is Satan and that you've been chewing on rice cakes your whole life. Okay, granted, that pita was pretty good, but— We're all gonna die eventually anyway. Look at the line of work we're in! So if I'm gonna die tomorrow, I want to say that I've had the best damn slice of pizza /ever,/ in the whole world." Reaching a hand up, she goes to SHOVE NIEL'S SLICE AT HIS FACE. "c'mon, you'll like it. It tastes like pizza."

—-

AUGH ATTACK OF THE PIZZA SLICE. Niel pulls his head back to avoid getting pizza on his face. "Yeah, well, I might get shot tomorrow, but at least then I could say that I didn't die from a coronary." But he takes a bite from the slice anyway, after some hesitation. The cheese striiiiiiiiings out deliciously and messily and, oh whoops, now there's some on his tie. He picks at it with his free hand. "If I die of a heart attack tomorrow, I'm coming back to haunt you." Not like he will. He looks like the posterchild for cardiovascular health.

—-

"If you die of a heart attack tomorrow, I'm donating your carcass to science. I mean, come on, Niel, you'd have to shove the whole slice into your carotid artery, and /then/ you'd have to, like, pour maple syrup on top, and even then you'd have a chance to come out of it alive. It's not like we aren't gonna work this off the next time we have to chase someone through New York, anyway. Here, have another bite." After taking one from her own slice, she reaches for Niel's arm again, to make sure he's eating properly. "Is this where we're supposed to do that small talk thing? I can never be sure. Like, I ask 'how long have you been the company,' and you compliment me on how beautiful my eyes are."

—-

Lord Almighty, who is this woman? He's known her for about three seconds. But it's amusing, really, and the pizza is good (even if it's going to kill him tomorrow). So around another mouthful of pizza, he adds, "Your eyes are very beautiful." That's about as poetic as Niel gets. "And I've been with the Company for about six years." As an afterthought, he adds, "It's not bad." Meaning the pizza.

—-

THREE SECONDS? THREE? At least five. Come on, give her a little credit here! "Well, thanks! So are yours." She's not saying how long she's been with the company! Forever would be pretty accurate, and Meryl's kind of surprised she hasn't run into this guy before. Then again, the Company's pretty big, and Niel never eats junk food, which means they've never run into each other around the Company water cooler, which Niel must imagine contains PURE LARD or something of that nature. Okay, she'll tell him anyway. "I've been in the Company since I was nine." TAKE THAT HAHAHAHA MERYL WINS. "Hey, do you like /fishing?/"

—-

"Wow, really? Nine? What, were you born into it?" Nomnom pizza. "Can't say I've ever been fishing. You don't get many opportunities to fish around here, unless you want to go fishing for bodies in the Hudson." Which Niel isn't real keen on, mind. And the Company water cooler is full of lard and evil.

—-

"Classified, sorry. You'd have to hack into top-secret Company files to discover /that./" She pauses. "Nah, actually I was just adopted. It worked out. And I get this really awesome retirement plan they they give all the employees. Y'know, the one that says 'when you die, you can retire'? Couldn't believe my luck." She offers a smile, even though, to be fair, she really /isn't kidding./ "Well, look, I gotta get back to work, but I have an office on the fourth floor. Pick me up at like. 8. No, 9. I like late movies."

—-

Oh yeah, work. That thing they left. For lunch. Heart-attack-inducing lunch. That will result in death tomorrow. Oh well! At least Niel gets to see something about robots and explosions before he dies. He gives a genial nod. "Nine it is, then." Lifting his slice of pizza as though in a toast, he adds, "Thanks for the pizza." You know, the pizza he paid for and all that.

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