2007-03-05: How To Tell Your Mom She Sucks And Not Hurt Her Feelings


Jaden_icon.gif Candy_icon.gif

Summary: Mother & Son bond over American Idol, Dating and Jabberjaw.

Date It Happened: March 5th, 2007

How To Tell Your Mom She Sucks And Not Hurt Her Feelings

Jaden Cain's Bigger Than Petrelli's Mansion

It's a Wednesday night. And even as much as Candy likes to party, Wednesday is a hard night to find other people to party -with-. Most people have that whole "work" thing to worry about. Thankfully, Candy doesn't need to worry about that. So, at the moment, she's actually doing the relax thing. She's stretched out on the sofa, with "American Idol" playing on the television. A glass of wine is sitting easily at arm's reach.


Jaden Cain, the youngest CEO in the world (according to Forbes Magazine) is literally having a ball in his new mansion. At the moment, he's literally skating through the spacious house on his board. He's in the middle of catching some air, grabbing the nose of his board and spinning before he makes his landing behind the sofa. "Booyah!" Skid. Slide. SMASH! "Owwww…"

Jaden's board takes him on a whirlwind adventure to smash into the wall and he groans, falling backwards to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling. "Ugh, wipeout."

Candy blinks, before craning her neck to look over the back of the sofa. "You know, I think you're supposed to stay -on- the board." She teases, faintly. If he can quip, he's not broken. "And if you get hurt, that's gonna be a -really- embarassing story for the reporters." But at the same time, she'll reach a hand down to help him up.

"I'm laughing on the inside. Really." Jaden rolls his eyes, but takes the offered hand and pulls himself up into a seated position before clambering up to his feet. He reaches back to feel the back of his head and make sure he's not dying or anything like that. Cuz that would suck. "I gotta' practice, somewhere. I mean, I'm rich. Tony Hawk is just a speed dial away, y'know?" He grabs up the board and peeks at the television, immediately frowning. "Oh, what is this… you and this American Idol…" Oy.

Candy looks back at it. "It's entertaining." she tells her son, looking back. "Some of it is a little like watching a train wreck. Besides, there's a little bit of actual talent in there. And who knows, maybe I'll get into music. Lots of actresses are doing that these days." A winning smile.

How to tell your Mom she sucks and not hurt her feelings. Somebody needs to write that book so Jaden can go back in time, read it and be prepared for this conversation so much more. "I uh… think the Bikini Hero Revival is good enough, Mom." He tosses the board aside and hops over the back of the sofa to plop himself down comfortably on the cushions. "Besides, you know me and the Chipmunks are really going to start getting airplay now that I'm famous." He air guitars softly.

Candy smiles. "Well, true. The revival's going to be nice. I'm just glad that I'm still in good enough shape for it." She -is- in -remarkably- good shape for her age. "Maybe that's the answer, for music. I could sing on one or two of your band's tracks. That way your band will get fans of the show, too."

"Uhhhhh… or! Or!" Jaden's trying to think. Trying his hardest to think of something else. Another option. Any other option than that. "You can focus on your second wave of awesome movies and finally get that Oscar you so richly deserve." Chapter One: Compliments. Always compliment the mother before having to destroy what could quite possibly be a great dream of theirs.

Candy grins. "I like that too. Although I doubt I'm ever going to get an Oscar, Jaden. I don't do "Oscar Movies"." She does the finger-quotes as she says it. She's not deluded, after all. "Want to sit down with me? Have some wine, watch some television? Tell me what's been going on lately."

"I'm down for a little QT, Mommy Dearest." Jaden flashes a smile, only to make a Jaden appear on the other side of her. He snatches the remote and tosses it to Jaden Prime, who holds it up like a magical sword, "I. Have. The Power!" And he makes a couple of sword swiping motions and sounds before he presses the channel up button to get to something that's NOT American Idol. "Wait." Pause. "You're not about to ask me who I'm dating, are you?"

Candy smiles back at Jaden…and then there's two. "You realize how disorienting that is, don't you?" she smiles. "Of course I'm about to ask you who you're dating. You haven't brought anyone home in quite a while, so now you've forced me to be nosy." A grin, and she changes position to actually sitting rather than being sprawled on the couch.

"Sorry…" "… Mom." Jaden disappears into the ether, whilst Jaden continues with the channel flipping. There is nothing on. As usual. Television really does suck these days. "You know what I wish? I wish there was a show on television about people like me. Y'know, about people with special powers and stuff, kickin' butt and all that. It'd be sweet. We could call it: Superheroes. Except, no tights." The rambling is to try and get his Mother to forget about the dating question, but yet he still offers an answer, "I'm narrowing down my options!"

Candy looks back at the Jaden that's left. "They have them. They're usually cartoons." she points out, with a smile. "Well, that's fine. So how many have you narrowed it down to?" Moms never forget their son's dating.

"I know. But I mean, not a cartoon. Like… a drama. It'd be sweet. I wonder if I can talk to like CBS or something and tell 'em my idea." Jaden shrugs it off and stops the television on his favorite channel in the world: BOOMERANG. Oh yes, throwback cartoons are always a good thing to watch. "Four? Five? Something like that. It woulda' been six, but Stephanie caught… one of me… with Julie and it, well, didn't end well." He rubs his face. Flashback to the slap.

Candy looks back at her son, amused. "Well, if you really think something like that would go over well, why not produce a show like that? I could introduce you to all the people that you'd need to know." And at the news of the Girlfriend Count, she nods. "Well, then you could bring by one a night and I could meet themm all in a week."

"Aw Mom!" Jaden rolls his eyes and tries to focus on Jabberjaw being on the television. "You don't need to meet these ones. Trust me. They're not even, like, more than just casual dating girls. Well, except for maybe Julie. She's got some big…" He looks over at his Mom and waggles his eyebrows, trailing off there to leave it open ended. "I'll think on it some more before you call in some favors. It's gotta' be done right."

"Oh." She sounds disappointed that they're not more than casual dates, but then, lord knows she does plenty of that. "Well, then bring Julie by." She latches onto the possible positive note. "All right, that's fine, sweetie. I think it could be nice, you getting into the business."

"Yeah, I'll bring Julie by. Or one of me'll bring Julie by. I dunno which one. I think I gotta' lot of late night business meetings or something. I dunno." Jaden shrugs, not quite sure of how to be handling all this crazy businessman type stuff. "I'm so glad there can be more than one of me. You have no idea. I'd go crazy if I had to actually sit through those board meetings. They're so boring…"

A happy smile. It doesn't take much to make Moms happy. "That must be amazingly useful." She considers that. "How does it work? Do you know what happens to…the other you's?" A pause. "That sounds so strange to say."

"This is why I gave you the Bill & Ted Box Set for Mother's Day. It has all the Multiple Me lingo. Minus the Robot Us'es." Jaden shrugs a little bit and goes on with the explanation. "I dunno exactly how it works. Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor not a scientist." Random Star Trek reference! "But yeah, I can see stuff. I can feel stuff. It's like I'm there, but not. It's weird. But awesome when I'm on like four dates at once."

She smiles. "Ahh, you're definitely my son." she says. "That was exactly where I was going with that thought. You know, if you ever could show that to a girlfriend, I'll bet she'd be very appreciative."

"No way. With great power comes great multiplicity." Jaden almost sounds pained to say this, but he's saying it anyway. "I gotta' keep it a secret. If people find out what I can do, they'll probably flip out or try to turn me into a science experiment or something."

"I'm sure that you probably have more than a few media stalker too, ever since you picked up your inheritance. But at the very worst, you'd end up splashed on every tabloid in the country." A little sigh at that. "I remember being stalked for pictures." Which happens less now. Still now and again, but not as much.

"Mother, we've talked about this. Stalking Is Bad." Jaden wags a finger at her in a mock-scolding manner. It's so awesome to be able to just be so comfortable and relaxed with one's Mom. So comfortable. "I don't think tabloids are good for me, right now. Especially with me trying not to look like a complete ass while running this company."

Candy flutters a hand in the general "brushing off" pattern. "Stalking is bad. Publicity is good. There's a fine line between the two. And as far as that goes, you should hire an image consultant, Jaden. A couple quick sessions, and have someone around to help with spin control."

"Bah! I've got an image consultant." Jaden looks up and there's another Jaden, appearing out of the thin of the air. Except, this particular Jaden seems to be dressed like he stepped out of an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Of course, it's just for show and a moment later, he's blipping off into the ether of Jaden's mind. "I wanna' do this myself. I find out the father that I never knew is some big time computer dude? And he leaves everything to me? There's gotta' be a catch or something more. And I swear I'm gonna' find out what."

Candy looks more serious than usual at that. "I don't know that there's any ulterior motive, Jaden. I think it was his way of being there in a way that he couldn't before." That whole subject is a little more serious as far as she's concerned.

"Think about this for a second, Mom. Why would he leave all this to me? I'm a nobody. I barely even graduated from high school. There's no way, if I was him, that I'd let some snot nosed kid take over my company in light of my untimely demise. It just doesn't compute." Jaden shrugs it off, not really feeling either way about said death. "There's pieces to the puzzle missing and when I find 'em, my Journey to the Dark Side will be complete."

She frowns at his comment. "Unless he felt some connection to his son and he didn't have another heir?" She doesn't seem inclined to ascribe dark motives there. "He always respected my wishes and he never pressed on things. I think he was just well-meaning, Jaden."

"Well, if that's the case, then my life just got a whole lot more boring." Jaden frowns and leans forward on his knees, watching the cartoon antics of a talking shark roll across the screen. "I guess maybe I just figured there'd be something more. Something that I was meant to do besides, I dunno, just suddenly become the richest kid in America." He pauses. "Am I the richest kid in America?" Nevermind the fact that he's 22…

Candy smiles. "Money just opens options, Jaden. You can do whatever you like, it doesn't have to be some grand purpose. Not that that's a bad thing, to have a purpose." A warm expression and she pats the seat next to herself. "Come on, let's watch Idol."

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