Jack

Jack Derex
Portrayed By	Josh Duhamel
Gender	Male
Date of Birth	September 1st, 1981
Age	26
Zodiac Sign	Virgo
Aliases	Irish, Nuncle, NoNoBadJack, Jack-o
Place of Birth	Mom's vajanna.
Current Location	New York City, NY, USA
Occupation	Security Consultant for the Petrelli family; pub owner.
Known Relatives	Kieran Derex (Father), Salem Derex (Mother) Mason Derex (Brother; deceased)
Significant Other	Katrina Mah.
Known Abilities	Object Relocation
First Appearance	In Search of the Almighty Dollar

I blow things up. Bite me.
And guess what else? I don't know how to make collapsing wiki sections. Deal.

History

Mysterious Irishman.

Quotes

• "The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes."
• "I'm a magician, bitch."
• "I can't smell vagina unless it's within ten paces."
• "I'm sewin' your vagina shut."
• "If we ever get drunk enough that I try to have sex with you, I want you to punch me. Right in the testicles. It's ok, we can still be friends after."
• When you get to the finish line, I'll be the guy climbin' off of your mom.
• "Are you pregnant? You're not pregnant. You can't be pregnant. Oh God, you're pregnant."
• "WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MIDGETS HERE?"
• "The sparkles on my hose will call attention to my package when I dance."
• "Glam is so cool it would make your eyes pop. Glitter would come out."
• "Suck on my <3."
• "You bitch! You beautiful, dirty woman!"
• "Come hither and taste my ninja weapon!"
• "I love a man who'll put something strange in his mouth without asking questions."

Trivia

• Jack struggles with insomnia; he rarely sleeps more than four hours in a single day.
• His favorite way of blowing off steam is to play the piano. Badly.
• Jack /loves/ to cook, and especially to bake.
• When bored, Jack spends much of his time sketching building interiors to help commit them to memory.
• Jack drinks. A lot. He blames it on his Irish parentage.
• Jack is afraid of the word 'pregnant.' When said aloud, it makes him blanch, shake, and feel queasy.
• He is extremely allergic to pineapples.

Timeline

• 09/01/1981 - Jack is born.
• 11/09/1988 - Jack's powers manifest for the first time.
• 10/05/2006 - Jack moves to New York
• 02/09/2007 - Jack meets Eliana Pasternack.
• 02/16/2007 - Jack retrieves a Mendez painting from Common Grounds
• 04/03/2007 - Jack and Eliana split.
• 04/10/2007 - Jack dodges a routine blood screening during a viral quarantine at the hospital.
• 05/07/2007 - Jack meets Katrina Mah. Fast car, pretty lady, what's not to love?
• 06/12/2007 - Jack realizes that his trysts with Mara are no coincidence.
• 07/02/2007 - Jack interrupts Cass and Lachlan's sexytiems.
• 07/06/2007 - Jack smooches Desmond. It's all Elena's fault.
• 07/29/2007 - Jack officially greenlights Peter as a candidate to dork Elena.

Who's Who

Since moving to New York City, Jack has met more strange folk than he cares to tally. Here's a start:

• Katrina Mah (Insert compliment here.) - Jack and Trina met and immediately hit it off. They have similar taste in cars (Vroom.), and he's even learning to like scotch. Having gotten over the hurdle of revealing his abilities to her, he trusts her completely. He's also fascinated by the fact that she's fascinated by him.

• Mara Damaris (Bitch) - Mara has a tendency to show up at the worst possible time for Jack. However, this hasn't stopped him from letting her teach him about Wallbangers. Jack's favorite dance partner. Might be starting to figure her out. Maybe. Probably not.

• Elena Gomez (Scrappy, Sucklips, Hymen) - One of the first Evolved that Jack bumped into outside of his family. Once he came to trust the girl, she was added to the list of people that Jack is Fiercely Loyal To. In his eyes, she's somewhere between a niece and a little sister. As such, he defends her virginity as if it were the Holy Grail.

• Eric Walker (Nearly Male) - Though the two aren't what most people would call close, Jack can't help but feel a bit older-brotherly toward Eric. Despite frequent teasing and name-calling, Eric is probably the only guy who's good enough to date Elena, at least in Jack's eyes.

• Lachlan Deatley (LachNess) - Despite being a Scot, Lachlan is a solid fighter and an able-bodied drinking buddy. It's true, Lachlan did shag Eliana when she was still with Jack, but the Irishman has decided not to hold a grudge. After all, he knows that Lachlan can't keep Mr. Weenie in the pants.

• Cass Aldric (Ass.) - Jack likes Cass. She's klutzy, possesses no overt offensive abilities, and probably wouldn't know what to do with a gun if it didn't come with a manual. Despite all this, she's shown that she's made of sterner stuff than some of the self-proclaimed fighters that Jack has allied with in the past. Like most of the women who are making regular appearances in his life, Jack is intensely protective of the bookstore owner in a old-fashioned, chivalric manner.

• Yael Cohen (Cohen. It sounds manly, and Cohen isn't allowed to have a vagina.) - Contrary to popular rumor, Jack and Yael aren't sexin'. In fact, if you scroll up to the Quotes section, you'll see that he specified that she should groinpunch him if he ever tried to put the moves on her. She rightfully thinks that the Irishman is a little off his rocker, but he likes her anyway.

• Peter Petrelli (P-Funk) - Though Jack doesn't spend a lot of time hanging out with Pete, he does his best to keep one ear to the ground in case the younger Petrelli boy gets himself into trouble. After all, everyone seems to think the kid is super-important. So far, Jack's managed to come up a day late and a dollar short as far as helping Pete out of binds. Still, this hasn't slowed him down any.

• Nathan Petrelli (Nate Dogg) - Jack and Nate aren't exactly friends, but the Irishman respects the older Petrelli boy's strong sense of familial obligation. Whenever he has information about Peter, (because everything is connected to Peter in some way) he does his best to feed it to Nate. They realized that they were meant to be buddies while bonding over whiskey and stories of cheating on significant others with the same person.

• Niki/Jessica Sanders (Uh. My pants feel tight.) - Jack has interacted with both Niki and Jessica on several occasions, and is not yet dead. Boo-yah.

iPod

After breaking two (one with a hammer, the other by dropping it into the toilet) Jack finally learned how to properly program his iPod. Some things move in and out, but these favorites are always at the top of his list:

• Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod
• Dropkick Murphys - The Warrior's Code
• The Beta Band - Dry The Rain
• Daft Punk - Verdis Quo
• Ween - Waving My Dick In The Wind
• Weezer - El Scorcho
• Offspring - Bad Habit
• Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues
• Junior Jack - Da Hype
• The Breeders - Cannonball

Julia

Julia is Jack's 1967 Pontiac GTO. She debuted on April 15, 2007 in The Jack And The Furious. Jack loves his car as much as you love your mother. Be nice.