2010-04-08: Killer Corn



Date: April 8, 2010


Lots of conversation.

"Killer Corn"

Safehouse — NYC

Janet had tried leaving her apartment in a hoodie and yoga pants, but Parker wouldn't hear of it. Instead, she managed had to leave in a tan coloured trench coat, a pair of well-tailored dark-wash denim jeans, a white collared button up blouse, and a baby blue ascot that she feels ridiculous wearing. A matching baby blue headband pulls her hair out of her face. A basket is slung over her arm.

She raps lightly on the door of the safehouse to visit her sister and the other occupants here. With Parker around, she 'baked' (and by baked she went to the bakery and bought muffins — the traditional Janet mode of baking). She raps at the door again.

The door flings open and Janet is greeted with the sight of a harried used to be protocol agent. There is a screaming child under her arms and … an odor.

"Thank GOD someone else is here. Everyone is hiding from 'Corn In My Poop' here." Then the baby is thrust into the arms of the doctor and the muffins liberated from her possession.

Smelling the basket appreciatively, Cody turns her back on Janet and Mister Poopie Pants and makes her way toward the kitchen. "Mmmmm thanks for the mmmmmmuffins," comes the murmur from the long haired woman. On close inspection it's easy to tell that there are squished bananas, something that looks like spit up, and various other forms of food stuff mashed into her braids.

Erin's been hiding.


Erin and babies don't mix. It's one of the reason Erin has no pets. Pets poop, babies poop, and that's about all they do. Ever.

The only reason she emerges from her den is because she's heard her sister's voice! Maybe (wishfully thinking) Janet will take the squalling abomination and get it out of the safehouse.

Appearing at the top of the stairs just in time for Cody to vanish with the basket of muffins, Erin is quite interested in the fact that Janet already has the child. This means there's hope yet that, by the end of the night, it will be in someone else's care.

She also notices how nicely Janny is dressed. "Hey, you look good!" Of course Erin would notice that. She's used to having an eye for fashion, unlike her dumb player, but that's digressing. Erin hops down the stairs. "Get dressed with the lights on this morning?"

She'll just ignore the toddler in Janet's arms. If she doesn't acknowledge it, it's not there!

"Are you kidding me?" Janet asks as she takes the child. "How long has he been in this diaper?! That's not healthy…. he shouldn't be left in a diaper for long periods of time…" She frowns as she walks into the warehouse. Her voice goes up several octaves as she regards little Matty, "Hello pumpkin! Auntie Janet is gonna take gooooood care of you~" her tone is almost musical in nature.

"Where are the clean diapers?" she asks peering around the warehouse.

She tosses little Matty into the air and catches him. "Who likes his Auntie Janet~?" she makes a funny face for the baby before waving to Erin.

"Oh! Thanks Erin! I… my roommate dressed me," she preens just a little. "Wouldn't let me leave without a once over…"

Shrugging, Cody chews on a muffin and then looks at her watch. "An hour? Maybe? I was trying to keep him happy earlier.. But he just kept pooping and someone fed him corn." The former agent doesn't look very apologetic, not at all.

When Erin comes down the stairs, the basket of muffins is held up in offerance. She gives the starlet an eyebrow waggle and nods in the direction of the toddler's playroom where Janet is taking the baby to change it. "Got someone else to change Poopie McStinker. Remind me to punch Parkman for feeding him whatever it was before taking off, huh?"

"Tell Parkman to take his kid next time," Erin says, rooting through the basket of muffins until she finds one that she likes. "I say we get Janet to stay here. That way, she can take care of it." Not him, it. Because, seriously, when one gets right down to it, does a baby really give a damn what gender it is?

Eventually, Erin does follow after Janet, though. "Roommate?" is asked. It's… cautious. "Jan, just… So you know… I mean, you checked her out, right? It's a her, yeah?" Maybe Erin is paranoid. Still. "Just make sure this roommate isn't gonna hold a gun to your head and demand to know where your mutant sister is hiding. 'cuz… I'll kill 'em."

Poor Parker. Doomed already.

"Someone fed him corn?" Janet asks with a quirked eyebrow. "His system can't really handle that yet…" She frowns a little, and cuddles the baby despite the smell, "I'm sorry buddy. They should be feeding you squash instead… I bet you like squash~"

She finally spies a package of fresh diapers on the cabinet, drawing one out she disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes. Some time later she reappears with a much happier toddler.

"Oh, my roommate and I go waaaaaaay back. He knows nothing about you other than the fact we didn't get along for awhile there~" oops, baby voice shouldn't be given to Erin.

"Parker is a doll. We have food fights, he understands why I keep plates in the oven, and has been off gallavanting all over Europe. And he teaches yoga… not even close to being a mutant hunter."

Giving Janet and then Erin a rather dubious look, Cody shovels another mouthful of muffin in and shrugs her shoulders. "Y'know… sounds t'me like you guys'll be fighting over boyfriends soon." Yes, that was Cody's polite insinuation toward Parker's orientation.

After swallowing that giant mouth full, Cody beams a smile at Erin and claps her on the shoulder. "Don't worry Erin, your Tai Chi will kick his yog-ass" Yeah, there's no respect for Janet's room mate. The first part of that is his understanding of the woman's idiosycracies, who keeps plates in an oven? Seriously. There are cupboards for a reason.

Though, Baby Matt is changed! So Cody goes back toward him and the long tendrils of her hair reach out to pluck the baby from Janet's arms. "C'mon Mattie, let's hit the gym. It's never too early to develop your fighting style." With that, the hair tosses the toddler in the air and catches him, much to the glee of the boy.

"How the hell do you know about babies?" Erin asks, perhaps temporarily forgetting that Janet is a doctor and knows things. Oh, well.

Erin's more worried over Parker than Cody seems to be. She's earned the right to be suspicious, though, at least in her opinion. After all, she doesn't want to be tortured again. Erin doesn't join in the polite insinuations or any other kind of joking. "Just… Be careful, Janny."

Still, yog-ass is kinda funny. The actress cracks a smile.

Once Janet is freed from the clutches of the evil toddlermonster, Erin holds out her arms for a hug. "Didja need something, or were you just stopping by to take care of the kid?" she asks. Her eyes follow Cody… AAH! The gym! "Hey, I should show you some of the stuff I learned. I bet I could kick your ass now. C'mon. I promise it won't hurt too much."

"What?" Janet asks Cody with a wrinkle nose. "No Parker's not like that. He likes girls — " Although " — I think." Her eyes narrow as a mischievous smile spreads over her lips. "Huh." How had she never thought of this before? "Maybe…? I mean when I die he's going to take care of the flower beds on my grave pronouncing my wonder to the world…"

She releases the baby to Cody. "I'm a doctor," she explains to Erin. "I did a rotation in obstetrics and then one in pediatrics. It's normal." She shrugs a little as she offers the baby a little wave.

"Don't worry about me. It's Parker you should be worried about. I'm the one that started the food fight the other day and he doesn't know where I keep anything. It's wonderful!" She beams. "I came to like… drop off muffins. I didn't even know there was a kid here… I'm not exactly dressed for brawling…"

"Janet's got a girlfriend~" Cody sing songs to the baby as she climbs the stairs, "And I'm not going to introduce him to my new boooyfriend~" There's news that she hasn't told Erin yet. Baby Matt is laughing hard with his little baby laugh, things are good between them once again. His poop is gone and her hair is back.

Suddenly, one of the woman's tendrils reaches up and latches around the top rung of the third floor bannister. The woman grabs it and the pair of them take a little swing down the hall. "Janet! You should spar with Erin, she can show you how she needles at the bottom of the sea!"

Erin arches her eyebrows. "Janny." Pausing, she takes a big bite of her muffin. "He has food fights, he hangs out in Europe, he teaches yoga. He's a florist? Gay. It's okay, though. Those're always the nice ones. Besides, I was for awhile." What star wasn't? "Saved the tabloid pages and everything. Wonder if people have forgotten about that yet…" As she muses, she pulls some workout clothes from a cabinet and tosses them to Janet. There are plenty! And they're siblings, so they should be… roughly around the same size? Maybe?

She looks up as Cody and Mattie go swinging. "She's such a god-damned show-off," she asides to Janet. Nevermind that Erin's proposing she show off to her sister. Erin's allowed to do that! "This whole hair thing is creepy. I swear if I find it clogging up the shower drain one more time, I'ma throw 'er out. I swear. Go get changed. I wanna kick your ass. You're a doctor, so you can fix yourself, right?"

"I… don't spar," Janet counters with a wrinkled nose. "I'm a doctor, not an agent, remember?" her eyes twinkle brightly. "So if you have any experience, you will kick my ass. There really is no question." At this she shrugs. She really has no delusions about her talents — combat isn't one of them. "Why do you think I have an escort through Building 27? EXCEPT there was this one time when Tim couldn't come with me and I got punched by a prisoner-patient-well-whatever-you-want-to-call-them. Got me square in the nose! AND there was blood everywhere! Honestly, I don't know why they'd ever team me with anyone with Tim after that…" She touches her nose absently.

"So you really think Parker is gay? Really? I'm like positive…" no maybe she can't remember any of his girlfriends "…I know he likes Ewan McGregor. Like. As an actor… AND he likes Anne Hathaway!" Like that's a defence for his sexuality which doesn't bother Janet either way, really.

Janet catches the clothes. "If you make me bleed, I swear, I will send someone to come shoot you. And you won't like it because they'll be… way more badass than your sister who spends her time playing video games and studying medicine… oh and planning homages for Anne Hathaway's funeral…" She disappears into the bathroom again, to come back changed into said workout clothes.

When Janet and Erin finally make it into the gym, Cody and Matt are already having a little spar of their own, or something. Cody is on her back with her feet up in the air and Mattie is laying on them and they're playing airplane!

"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr! RRRrrrrrrRRRrrrrrrrooooowwwwwwwrrrrrroooooowwwwwrrrr!!" Yes, those are Cody's airplane noises and the baby loves them! He's laughing so hard that a little sound comes from his diaper that makes the blonde pause.

"D'you think he farted or did he give back some more corn?"

"I didn't, either." Erin ran. She was fond of running… Until the Alpha Protocol tracked her down and made her a fugitive. "I'm not an agent, either, but I still kicked Cody's ass. So." …not really. But Erin did hit her in the head with a stick! It was awesome.

Erin isn't too much for fearing words, but the mention of 'Building 27' makes her shiver even so. It's probably because of that that she actually snaps at Janet: "Well, what did you expect! You were keeping innocent people in there!"

Erin will never entirely be over what happened to her. Janet had a part of it - as did Cody. For that, there will always be some small divide among them all, though the gap is narrow enough to jump over. The actress will use it as a reminder - when she needs to. Grudges can last a long time.

"Sorry, Jan," she adds. "It's not your fault, I know. Just… I'm not ready. To talk about the prisoners yet."

The conversation shifts, thankfully, back to Janet's gay roomie. Anne Hathaway isn't really helping his case. "He's a fan of all her movies, too? The Disney ones?" Erin likes Disney, but she's a girl!

Taking up a defensive stance, Erin assures, "Don't worry, I won't make you bleed." She hopes. She's never practised with someone that's worse than she is. Erin'll be careful. Really, Tai Chi is about defense and control, and, y'know, kicking ass if you really need to. The match, however, is interrupted by Mattie's fart. "Well, is he smiling, or does he look like he's squeezin' something out!?" This is an emergency here!

"Innocent? Perhaps. But I wasn't keeping anyone," Janet says indignantly with a stamp of her foot. "I was providing needed medical attention. Many had the oddest illnesses, and I treated them, made them more comfortable." Human suffering isn't something she's ever been comfortable with. "I kept many of them alive. So don't you be snapping at me because of that," she waggles a single finger, still frowning. She takes a step back. "I don't want to do this." Apparently her skin isn't the only thing that bruises easily.

However, she also apologizes moments later. "I'm sorry, it's not your fault I was lied to. Or punched in the nose. And I realize it's…" A sensitive subject. But it's still her job. "I won't talk about it anymore."

She gives a small nod about the Anne Hathaway movies. "Yes. Parker is a fan. She looks like a porcelain doll, and he likes that. And he watches my stories with me. And we give each other facials. He was concerned I was getting age spots, but I just have dry skin…"

She cringes at little Mattie's smile. "I can't tell…"

"Ugh… Well I guess I'll go check." Cody says as she tosses the baby up in the air again and catches him with her hair. She then stands as the long braids form themselves into a little papoose on her back, cradling the toddler. All the playing today must have worn him out because the second her hair begins to sway back and forth, he's asleep. Without a fuss.

"Janet, before you guys start, just concentrate on blocking her punches. If you're using the stick, hold it like a quarter staff and use the ends to block her advances." It's the best advice she can give to the amateur. Poor thing, she's totally going to get her ass kicked. "And your room mate? I totally agree with Erin, unless you can come up with some manly hobbies for him… Does he juggle fire? Because that's pretty manly. Or maybe he's secretly training for the UFC? That'd be pretty manly…" But from the doctor's description, he probably doesn't.

It's not Janet's fault, so Erin doesn't press the point. Still… Even if she was manipulated and lied to… Well, Erin would have had a hard time believing so many people were terrorists. And, currently unspoken, Janet actually said something hurtful enough to make Erin cry. Not that Erin will ever admit that. Still, not even she thought that could be possible.

A smile appears. "It's okay. We're okay." And that, she means. They're on good terms now, and maybe it's a testament to how much that means to Erin that she doesn't start another fight. "I don't want to do this, either." She's talking about the argument, of course. Not the sparring.

"Your stories? You mean Afterlife. Is he a fan? I like him." Clearly, that's all that matters!

And then? Well, Erin has mercy. The movement of the first punch - with the heel of her hand - is clearly slower than it would be when sparring with Cody, but it's still pretty quick. However, the important part - and the part that might surprise Janet, who's possibly always been used to Erin as a hot-headed, brash woman - is that if the punch makes any contact at all, it's just a touch. Controlled.

"Yes. A fan," Janet says with a nod although it's not entirely truthful. Parker is one of those that throws popcorn at the screen at things he doesn't like. "And I started a few other shows. We watch them together. With popcorn. And he helps me with the yoga." She grins.

Sure enough the punch makes contact. Janet doesn't even have her hands up. Yup, she's a healer, not a fighter. And she will never be the latter. "Ow," she murmurs before shifting her gaze, "That didn't hurt… it just seemed like what I should be saying?"

Little Mattie is sound asleep in his cradle of swinging hair and there doesn't seem to be any noxious fumes coming from his diaper. Not yet anyway. "I think I'm going to head downstairs and pop the kid into bed, it's kind of getting late. I kind of still have to work in the morning…" Yes, Cody's making excuses to give the sisters their girl time.

What she doesn't mention is that her new favorite show is on television right now, there's no use letting the McCarties know. Erin would never let her live it down and it's quite possible that Janet would want to watch with her. "Warn me before you come downstairs, I'm going to be on the phone." With that, Cody flits out the door without so much as a goodbye. What's the point? They're all in the same apartment anyway.

"Nah, that one didn't hurt. That was just the warning, though." Erin smirks, swinging her leg behind Janet's. Should this work, the result is that she will effectively drop her sister to the mat, flat on her back, with hardly any effort at all.

Thankfully for Cody, Erin's not really paying attention to the time, or she might be suspicious of Cody's true intentions. "Yeah, no problem," she says, turning back to Janet and assessing her handywork, and also offering a hand-up if needed. "So… anyway, that means I win." Pretty much anything means Erin wins. "Just wanted to show you I can protect myself. Not that I think you're worrying or anything, but in case you were… I mean, if an army of doctors runs at me, I can totally take 'em down."

Janet falls easily to the mat and accepts the hand up. She giggles a little at the notion of doctors trying to take Erin out. "I hope you don't have to face an army of doctors," she grins broadly as she stands to her feet and stretches. "And I'm getting better at balance. Parker is helping me with it."

"I'm glad that you're getting better. It's important that you can defend yourself if need be!" Janet has no hope in a fight, but it just seems counterproductive to punch someone and then have to fix the person you just punched out.

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