2010-04-08: Monkey Poop



Date: April 8, 2010


The fools, they actually let Cody babysit? Well, lucky thing Tori is there to supervise.

"Monkey Poop"

Secret Safehouse of BABY

Level two of the warehouse is fairly deserted. Almost every electronic device in the living room and kitchen is on and making some sort of noise, thanks to the little occupant in the high chair. Baby Matt Parkman is happily clapping while Cody tries her damnest to keep him entertained. Right now, she's acting like a monkey and hopping around while scratching at her armpits.

It's really very demeaning and if anyone else was on the floor, she definitely wouldn't be doing it. But really, who can resist the little toddler when he's laughing like that?

"Ubbubbah Gubbabubbah Goo!" the agent says as she reaches forward to tickle at the baby's sides. "You want some nanas like a monkey? Huh? You want some nanas? I bet you do! Yes I think so!"

Baby Matt is practically squealing with laughter.

The rare human moment is interrupted when the buzzer to the main door sounds and Cody lifts her head up, alert. The baby silences too, jerking his head to where the noise came from. Then he begins to wail when Cody moves out of his line of sight to open the door.

Probably not the person Cody wants to see: Tori stands on the doorstep, though she's carrying two cups of Starbucks. At least she comes bearing gifts of caffeine.

"Agent Barker. Medusa. Whatever your name is," Tori says in a chipper sort of voice. "So I figured we should maybe chat about the matter of my … employment… with you, since we both know it's a load of rubbish what you can and can't do for me. I think maybe a re-ordering of my job description might be proper." She glances inside. "Do you have a baby?" Her tone suggests that in her mind it's impossible for Cody to have procreated.

The baby is still crying and after she lets Tori through the door, she races back over to the high chair to resume entertaining him. "Lock the door behind you and no, he's not mine." Her words are a little grave and she looks to one of the upper floors of the livable part of the warehouse as though to indicate someone else upstairs.

"No he's not mine! No! Is he?!" Her voice changes when she's talking to the baby. It's the atypical excited tone of voice that people always get when speaking to a miniature human. "You want a nana? You like nanas?"

She keeps well within the baby's line of sight as she proceeds to get one of the yellow fruits from the counter and peel it for him. Then she breaks it off into little chunks and places it on the table of the highchair so he can grab them.

To Tori, her eyes darken somewhat. "Yeah… Don't think I can't have you deported if I need to, but you're a little more useful to the people I'm trying to protect. This one included." Then she puts a big smile on her face and shakes her head while her nose wrinkles, a funny face for the funny little man.

Well, this is certainly a different image of the woman she has been afraid of for the past few weeks. "He's cute," Tori says, looking at the baby, though staying away from him. She's not one of the women who needs to grab a baby and pinch its cheeks just because they are there and chubby and wanting to be squished.

"I just don't get how I'm useful except that I have a pair of hands and all. I didn't do a bloody hell of much in that, er, disposal issue the other night besides lug a cooler into a car," she says, leaning against the wall and watching Matt mash bananas with his fingers. "I think I might be more willing to help you if you quit threatening to deport me. I … am not against trying to help fight this fight, though I don't think I'm very useful."

"You have no idea how useful you are." Cody says in a low voice, it's not unkind or full of malice, just serious. She winces as the baby grabs one of the braided strands of her long hair and pulls it toward him. "Ack! Mattie… No no.. No no… Here…" She gently tugs the braid out of the baby's hand and tries to replace it with another piece of the banana. Unfortunately that just doesn't please him and he starts whining again, threatening to burst into tears.

"Baby Parkman!" The agent says in an all too excitable voice, "You like hair? Huh? You like long hair?" Then a few of the long braids begin to crawl on their own toward him. He shrieks with laughter as they reach around him and begin to tickle his squirming little body.

This alone helps Cody to keep a conversation with her new guests. "You're an unknown face, someone that can move around in the open. No one in this apartment has that luxury, not even me. The only reason I go out is because someone has to keep them safe."

"Baby Parkman? That's a weird na—" Tori blinks as the hair begins to crawl and tickle the little boy. "Bloody hell, that's freaky," Tori says, moving in to set down the coffee for Cody and taking a sip of the cup she keeps. "I got you a caramel macchiato because I don't know anyone who doesn't like those," she says, glancing at the cup a little uncertainly. Cody's probably a straight black coffee drinker, but that just didn't seem as pleasing to buy for someone.

"Fine. I can run errands and help. But I'll be doing it willingly, not because of the threat of deportation or anything else. And please no more dead body disposal… Devon seemed to be willing enough to do that, so maybe he can be your go-to boy for that."

More of the tendrils move toward the baby and then actually pick him up from the high chair. He peels with laughter as they proceed to toss him up in the air, only to have the agent's hands catch him. "Sorry, I didn't think you'd be as squeamish about that. Nathan wasn't and I figured since you shared a history…" The rest is left unsaid. The woman certainly doesn't know what sort of criminal past they were involved in, she didn't look deeper than the initial threat.

"The dead bodies though, you might need to get used to seeing a few more of them." Does she have more in her basement? Who knows. Right now, the slender woman is in the process of lightly tossing the baby an inch or two in the air only to catch him. "I don't see any of this getting better before it gets worse."

The fact that she'll help willingly? Well that earns an actual earnest smile from the woman. "It's easier not to have to threaten, but would you have helped me kidnap a soap star if I'd told you what we were doing? Or dispose the body of a man who could have taken everyone here back to the Protocol program?"

The Brit sips her coffee as she watches the woman play with the baby. "I'm … I've never killed anyone, so yeah, I guess I am a bit squeamish about dead bodies," she says, perhaps a touch defensively. "It's not something I've got any sort of expertise in. I was a lockpick for the most part, and we smuggled a bit, but I never did much as far as … violence. I can't fight or anything. I mean… my dad was a barrister. I went to prep school in London. I might… pull hair and scratch but I don't know how to hurt people for real."

Tori gives a shrug to the question. "I guess not. Oh, well. Bygones?"

Tori's shrug gets answered with another shrug, "I've probably killed too many…" The woman says a little too glibly. "But please, no hair pulling. I need that." The baby gets swung and tucked under her arm like a football (American, not English). All the while little Matt is gurgling and giggling and trying to grab more of the tendrils of hair… probably to shove them in his mouth.

"I'll keep you out of the line of fire as much as I can but I can't guarantee you won't be doing a lot of dirty work. I picked you because of your past." Then, Cody's nose wrinkles and she looks down at the bundle of bouncing joy under her arm. "Speaking of dirty work… how are you with diapers?"

"Sorry my past isn't more dirty — just criminal. Ask Nathan — I didn't do a lot of fighting or anything. I pretty much squealed and hid if things got tough," Tori says with amusement, but she shakes her head as she glances at the baby. "Diapers aren't in my job description. I never babysat and I was the youngest in my family — you're out of luck on that one…" She frowns a little, not sure what to call the woman. "Agent and Barker or Baker or whatever your name is sounds a bit … formal since that's not your real title these days… and I'd call you Medusa but I don't think I'm cute enough to pull it off like Devon can. What should I call you?"

"You can call me Cody," Cody says as she moves into the next room, Tori gets a wave to follow along. The baby's stench is just something that the woman can deal with for too long, especially since he seems to cry and make things not work when he's unhappy. One, they need their security system to work. Two, they all like their television.

As Mattie is set on the change table, Cody looks down at him with a confused look. "Huh… uhm…" This is a woman that can strip down a rifle and put it back together in less than a minute but when it comes to taking these incredibly difficult baby clothes off… she's befuddled.

Slowly, she pulls apart the little snaps on the boy's overalls to reveal the diaper. Then, very slowly, she peels back the tape holding the stinky piece of absorbant plastic covered material away.

"Ugh! Jesus! What did you eat?!" The woman cries out as the two women are nearly gassed out of the room. "Who feeds a baby corn?! What… Oh god!!"

Yes… Cody can cut up a dead body but when it comes to changing a poopy diaper, she's reduced to useless.

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