2007-05-16: Murder Is No Laughing Matter


Elena_icon.gif Jack_icon.gif

Summary: Elena visits Jack to see how's he's doing, only to find him upset with her for not calling him after the incident with Elle. She is shocked to find out that Jack and Lachlan have plotted to murder Elle. And things go downhill from there….cracktastically.

Date It Happened: May 16, 2007

Murder Is No Laughing Matter

Jack's Apartment, Midtown, New York

It's been a pretty hairy twenty-four hours for Jack. He's taking a few hours off to collect himself. All the furniture in the living room has been shoved against the walls, and the workout mat has be dragged from the corner and spread flat on the floor. Clad only in a pair of unbleached linen pants that tie at the waist, the Irishman is currently wailing away at his heavy bag and swearing under his breath.

There is a quiet knock on Jack's door.

Elena steps back and waits a bit, a paper bag in her hand and waiting patiently. There's a bit of an embarassed, and somewhat horrified-at-herself expression on her face as she waits for Jack to open the door. She has absolutely no idea about the events of the last 24 hours, but that can change in a bit. She's dressed in a tank top, a pair of hip-hugging jeans, and a slim-fit, cut-off jacket that stopped at the underside of her chest instead of all the way down her waist. Hey, she's a growing girl. Leave her alone.

"…Jack?" she tells the door hesitantly.

WHAM! With a final hit that sends the punching bag swinging on its chair, Jack perks up at the sound of the door. He pads across to the entryway on bare feet, scooping up a towel and tousling his sweaty hair dry en route. With the towel still slung over one should, he opens the door. For what may well be the first time, he doesn't smile at the sight of Elena. He just nods and moves out of the way so she can enter the apartment. "Scrappy. I didn't know they had hooker clothes at Baby Gap. C'mon in."

She -GROANS-. "It's jeans and a jacket, Jack," Elena says, swatting him on the shoulder as she comes in. "-13- year olds dress more provocatively than me." Thank you, Britney, for your contribution to the reckless degeneration of American society. She sets the paper bag on the nearest surface she could find. "What's— " She blinks at the pushed aside furniture, and the bag. "….alright, who's in trouble?" she asks, closing the door behind her as she heads in further. Jack was her Nuncle. He's clearly upset. He -always- smiles at her. Unless he's upset.

Jack points one long finger at Elena, and his mouth presses into a thin, unpleasant line. Then, instead of yelling, he forcefully expells the air built up in his lungs. He turns his back to Elena and moves over to the couch. Quickly, he picks up a clean t-shirt and shrugs into it, then turns back. He doesn't look angry anymore. He looks tired, and a little scared. "Lachlan came by the pub and told me what happened to you. With Elle. Why.. Why didn't you call me?" When he looks Elena in the eye, his confusion is readily apparent. "I've been worried."

"….." Elena stares at Jack, flabbergasted at his expression. Nuncle was tough, stonyfaced, and wielded a heavy hand….or gun. Or brick. Or grenade. She's been getting that sort of reaction lately. From everyone. Why didn't she call? Why didn't she let everyone else know? "I…." She jams her hands in her pockets and looks away. To her credit, she looks guilty, her dark eyes falling to the floor. Lachlan told? "I didn't want to worry anybody. I called Gene to take me to Cass, I needed Cass to make sure I didn't take any bad injuries. But they were the only two people I called. I haven't even told Papa. Or Eric. I…I just…" She pauses, and in a small voice. "….I didn't want to bother anybody more than I had to. I know everyone else has their own problems. I just…I didn't want…" To be a burden. "….to add onto any of it and stuff…"

Jack shakes his head vigorously. "I appreciate what you're sayin', Scrappy. Trust me, I do. But no. NONONO. We're family." He reaches out to chuck Elena on the shoulder reassuringly. "I can't speak for anybody else, but that's what I'm here for. To worry, threaten potential boyfriends, make fun of your wardrobe… Where's the other half of your coat, by the way?" He silences himself with a wave of his hand. "Nevermind. Just don't cut me outta the loop, ok? I can't protect you if I don't know what's up."

"I'm sorry," Elena says softly, though she does smile a touch when he chucks her on the shoulder. But she does look guilty, and she looks at her nuncle up and right in the eye again. "I just…I didn't want anything bad to happen to anyone else. She was already threatening Jane at the time if she didn't do what she told her to, so….I knew I couldn't get anyone else involved. It would just….get out of hand. And…and I was right." She sighs. "I'm not really supposed to say anything because it looks like she actually trusts me a little bit, but she's not right, Jack. Her own father had her locked up in a facility and made her discharge electricity over and over again. When she was eight. She told me she found her file and that…she took some brain damage. Which didn't really surprise me because when you're THAT young and you're being forced to handle something as volatile as lightning when your brain hasn't even finished developing yet…"

She pauses, and she looks up at him. "She felt bad for what she did to me. I forgave her. I'm not as hardassed as you, or Papa, or Lach. When someone looks that bad and scared about the prospect of not being forgiven, I couldn't just slam the door to her face. I'm glad I didn't, because of what I know now. She's not going to change if no one gives her a chance. I mean it wasn't alright that she electrocuted my ass, mind. I told her that much, but….I think with the fact that she's so damaged in the head -biologically- it was better to tell her that, and then tell her things were square, than lock the door and tell her to get the hell out and get her mad enough to do it again."

She looks at Jack seriously, and she drops on one of his couches. She toys with her fingers a bit. "….I've always had a problem talking to people anyway…" she says softly. "Not like….you know. Funny engaging or otherwise casual conversations, but…you know. -Stuff-." Stuff? "I know you just want to be able to protect me, but I've seen what happened to Eric when he tried, you know? It was…I don't want to be the cause of something like that ever again."

Jack goes through a pretty serious set of transformations during the course of Elena's explanation. He starts out hurt, frustrated, and confused. Then he progresses to incredulous and crestfallen when she talks about forgiving Elle. "Uh oh. But-" Then she's on to talk about some of her own issues, which he understands all too well. "Fuck," he eloquently replies.

At every expression, Elena reaches out to touch Jack's arm while she's sitting. "It's…it's -my- beef, Jack. I'm sorry," she says. "But I have to grow up at some point. I have to start learning to fight my own battles. I can't just….if anything happened to you, or Cass, or Lachlan because of me, I— " This sounds frighteningly familiar. Drake had told Elena the same thing. But when he curses, she blinks at him. "…Jack…?" And then the look on his face. "………Jack?" she repeats. A slow, sinking feeling of dread starts at the pit of her stomach.

"Uh." More Academy Award winners from Mr. Derex. "So I might've gotten drunk with Lachlan last night. Maybe." He coughs delicately into his fist before continuing. "And we might've possibly planned to kill Elle. Some. A little bit." Jack explains this sheepishly, like the relative who arrives late to a family dinner, only to find that someone else already brought potato salad.

The concerned expression dies on her face. And Elena? Laughs. Yes. She laughs. It's nervous. A little unhinged. Kind of like how a teenager laughs as he tells his father the 'funny' story about ending up drunk and wrapping the family car around the tree next to the front porch. "But you guys weren't serious, right?" she says. "It was all fun and drunken games, right?" She pauses. "….you guys weren't serious. Right?"

Jack nods earnestly. "Oh yeah. All fun and games." Then his expression darkens. "Except we were serious, and we planned to kill her because SOMEBODY didn't see fit to tell us what the hell was goin' on and we thought she was a bloody menace." He smiles ruefully and sighs. "I wonder if this is what havin' a daughter is like," he muses. "S'hard work. Your dad and I should combine forces. Like the Wonder Twins, only meaner."

"…wh…what do you MEAN you were serious?" Elena cries, looking at Jack, and absolutely horrified. "I— oh COME ON!" She groans, and buries her face in her hands. "But you guys aren't gonna kill her now, right? RIGHT? I did the Catholic thing, it's okay now! ….well it's not okay that she chained me up and electrocuted me but I -told- her that and she understands and she feels bad about it." Okay. So maybe NOT telling Jack was a bad idea. At the rueful smile, she looks at him apologetically. "…I'm sorry, Jack. I really am." Who knows. Maybe Elena -was- related to Jack distantly. They both seem to have the same trait of trying to gung-ho rush into fixing their own problems themselves.

"Well I can hardly kill her now that you've forgiven her, can I?" If anything, Jack seems frustrated by this development. "You women and your vaginas. You're so damn confusing. If some guy tortured /me/, I'd slice his fuckin' jacobs off and serve them to his mum for brunch." He paces to and fro, then picks a pack of cigarettes up off the kitchen counter and shoves one between his lips. Before lighting it, he turns to face Elena again. "Fuck!"

"…okay I'm apologizing for my -own- insanity, the rest of womenkind are on their own," Elena grumps. Though at Jack's remark she can't help but bite back a smile. Must not laugh. Must not laugh. Murder is no laughing matter. But…-jacobs-? She's never heard it put that way before. "And yeah, Jack, I -know-. But I'm wired differently than you. I don't have a penis." She pauses. "……..oh god. I can't believe I just said that." Congratulations, Elena. You have officially acknowledged that man parts exist.

Jack's mouth hangs open wide enough to fly a jumbo jet inside. "You said penis." Unlike Elena, he's not able to suppress his laughter. "BWAHAHAHA! HA. Ha. Ahem." Clearing his throat, he squashes down his mirth. "So. No penis for Scrappy, eh? Let's keep it that way," he deadpans.

She stares at Jack mutely as he…laughs at her. Laughs at her, after he confessed to her that he was going to murder someone and she managed to change his mind ACCIDENTALLY. Thank GOD she decided to visit. And then, with his reaction to that, Elena colors. The deadpanned words were the last straw. She stands up, rounds on Jack, and eyeballs him. She tilts her delicate jaw at him, PURE AND UTTER DEFIANCE flashing from her eyes as she says…

"Well -I'm- going to be a doctor, Jack," she says with a sniff. "I'm going to SEE ONE eventually. Who knows? I might decide to be a PENIS DOCTOR."

"P… P-p-p.. PENIS DOCTOR!" That's it. Game, set, match. Elena wins. It's too much. It's too good, and too hilarious, and too wonderful. Jack squinches his eyes shut and his cheeks bulge out wierdly, bullfroglike. Then he sinks to his knees and his head sags down against his chest. "I should be laughing," he whispers. His voice is small and weak. "This is a beautiful, shining moment for me. I should be making fun of you, and talking about how much your eyes want to devour some man-sausage. But I can't. Nothing can make this moment any better." He looks up at Elena, meeting her eyes steadily. "Thank you for this. Thank you. You. Y-you. Y-y-you FLIPPIN' MEATGAZER!" And now comes the torrent of laughter. You had to know it would.

MEATGAZER? Elena stares at Jack, horrified. And then? Pillows fly at him. Several. As fast as she can wing them at his face. "You….you….YOU— OH MY GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!" she cries, turning so red she was almost purple. How? How? She thought she WON THAT. BUT NO. Jack totally had to use that to his own advantage. AGAIN. She thought to cripple him with his nuncle instincts. And then she realizes that since Jack really has no SOUL, he was utterly immune. She stomps off to snatch the paper bag from the table. "I even BROKE THE LAW FOR YOU, YOU IRISH BASTARD!" Okay she's not really mad. But it looks like she DID manage to cute her way into getting a bottle of good Irish whiskey for her Nuncle Jack. Because she <3 him that much. IF HE WOULD QUIT LAUGHING AT HER.

"Hey!" WHACK! "I didnt--" WHOMP! "You're the one who--" THWAP! "With the penis—" PLONK! Laughing, Jack catches the final pillow and tucks it beneath his arm. He pads along behind Elena, then smiles crookedly when she pulls out the bottle. "Aww. For me? Meatgazer, you shouldn't have!" Yes. Meatgazer. Elena just bought herself a new nickname with that one.

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah," Elena grumbles, shoving the bottle into his chest after she's done pelting him with various soft things from his couch. He's lucky she loves him enough not to use her abilities on him. "Get drunk and forget about this already." She looks at him, and despite the horrified face and the mad blush, she reaches out so she could hug him. Despite the fact that he was sweaty. And mean. She felt bad for not telling him, but he was a man. Men get awkward when they're told mushy stuff. So she just hugs him, to silently thank him for the concern and the care. Finding a man who wasn't her father or brother who would willingly kill for her was rare enough.

Grinning, Jack wraps both arms around Elena and gives her a tight squeeze before releasing her. "Man. I love you, kid. You make me laugh. When I look at you, I think the future might not turn out so bad after all, y'know?" The smile slides off of his face, and he ducks his head to hide his embarassment. "I'm really glad you're ok. I guess that's all that really matters. The blonde can live. For now."

When he looks away after releasing him, Elena blinks….and smiles at him fondly. She reaches up to touch his cheek lightly, a brief one….because she knows Trina can fight and she can probably knock her teeth loose in case she walks in the door and gets the wrong idea. "I love you too, Nuncle." It sounds awkward, like she isn't used to saying it outside of her family. But what Jack said, the fact that she was family, that HE was family, it makes it okay. "And I'm tougher than I look. I am now. If it makes you feel any better, when -I- look at you….I'm inspired to be stronger." And that was important to her. So important she can't articulate it in words. It was already starting to show, bit by bit. She steps away and grins. "I better go before -your- girlfriend gets the wrong idea and tries to kill -me-. God knows I've had enough of that going on in my life." She heads for the door. "G'night, Nuncle!"

Jack's mouth drops open again, this time his pleasantly surprised rather than shocked and horrified. Nobody's ever looked up to him before, not for anything. After taking a second to collect himself he breaks into a wide grin. "Shit. You're doin' fine, Elena." What? Did he just pass up an opportunity to use a new nickname? "I'm bloody proud of you. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to let you take care of yourself. In ten years, maybe. Now get outta here!" Man. Kids. Really, gotta love 'em.

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