2009-11-04: Not The Sidekick



Date: November 4th, 2009


Bert gets a special delivery. Well, two really. Wait, make that three.

"Not The Sidekick"

Washington D.C. — Bert's Apartment

What a busy day this has been. So much scrambling to be done after leaving Ivory's earlier that morning.. harassing Tracy.. then meeting her new BFF, Peter. Now finally, Bert's crawling homewards. Not bothering to stifle a rather huge yawn, she unlocks the door to her apartment and wanders in. Her bag is dropped by the door as it's shut and locked. Next, she collapses on her sofa and kicks off her shoes before reaching for the remote. As the TV is clicked on, she eyes her phone.. To call or not to call the Senator, that is the question. Nah, he's probably busy, but, it almost hurts to be out of his presence for so long after that wonderful previous night.

The plan was simple. Gene gets into a box. Eric dresses up like UPS man, delivers Gene. Of course, that was a lot easier before Gene thought about how LONG he would be in the box. While Gene doesn't say a word to make it see like something is wrong, Eric gets the 30th text message from his good friend.


A few moments pass before another message is given.


"I'm carrying you as fast as I can you…you…," The litany of grumbling coming from the UPS man there is quiet yes, but its continuous. He does his job though struggling towards the apartment door after parking the fan. Lets hope there are no angry dogs in the neighborhood or Eric Lancaster is going to have a very very bad day. Finally though. He makes it and shakes his head slightly as he knocks on the door of Bert's apartment in that standard rap-rap-rap that UPS men use the world over.

"…I hope you know what you're doing…"

He adds as he leans slightly against the box to wait for the door, clipboard under his arm and hand pulled down.

Mmm.. mindless channel surfing.. ooh Discovery! And crap, knocking at the door. "Ivory, I hope that's you wearing a bow!" Bert calls out before tossing aside the remote and pushing up from the couch. Stretching her arms out, she lets go another yawn and peers through the peephole. UPS.. this time of night.. waaaait..

Frowning, Bert opens the door a crack, "A little late for deliveries, don'cha think? And I didn't order anything."

"I just deliver em lady…it was a rush job and this is my last one tonight. Gift from someone I guess," Eric adds as he holds the clipboard towards the crack in the door. "Just sign and I'll be on my way unless ya want help getting it inside."

Bert frowns at the UPS delivery guy, "I didn't order anything. I know you're just doing your job, but you can take this back to your loading dock… who the heck is this from anyway?" She's tired, she wants ice cream, and she's sore. The door opens fully as she reaches for the clipboard to see who the box is from.

From the box, there is a soft whisper.

"Destiny…. Or Justice. Maybe Justice's Destiny. Or A Destiny of Justice. Unless there is someone around, Bert, then it is just the wrong address. Of Destiny Justice."

No wonder Gene has trouble with the ladies, he's just so smooth.

"…Destiny Justice…" Eric pauses a moment then looks towards the box slooowly, then sighs and just facepalms lightly.

He /does/ know she's /right/ there doesn't he? No. No he likely doesn't know. That's the fun with Gene, you never know just what is going to happen next.

Bert blinks at the clipboard, frowns, then drops the item with a stifled scream. "Did.. what the.. what the HELL is in this!?" Brows furrowing, she reaches for her keys to start digging into the tape. "C'mon and help me get this in here." Since it looks like she's about to open the box in the hallway.

"Destiny Justice needs to be opened in places without windows and away from people who are not corrupted by The Man!" Gene whispers yet again, though just a hint louder. Apparently… He DID know she was right there. Does that make his attempts to communicate better or worse? You, the viewer, decide.

"I…hold on! Let me…" And Eric is hustling the box inside the room then and past her. "You be quiet there Destiny Justice." He grumbles as he pulls the box inside the room and hopefully Bert closes that door behind them both before she rips right open the box to get to the chewy Geek inside the cardboard wrapper.

Bert's eyes bug a little at the continued voice. It could be a recording. It's surely not some programmed Furby, that's for certain! Sorry UPS man, she's already digging at the tape.. then stops as the box is hustled in. She does thankfully, move to shut the door. It's sort of a reflexive thing. "Hang on, I've got a box cutter," all to make it easier to tear into the box and unravel this mystery!

When the box is open, Gene is there in a box half full of packing peanuts. He is currently not wearing a shirt. "It was hot in the box, but I'm wearing pants. Give me a second and I'll find the shirt." He begins to fish around until he finds the simple long sleeved t-shirt with Yoda giving the v-sign with one hand and a face smothered with crumbs. 'I'm in your X-Wing, eating your rations' is on the back. "There…." he puts it on, but still is seated in the box. "What's up, Bert?"

Now the door is closed, the mystery is revealed and Eric just shakes his head slightly. "Ta daaaa." He says lamely as he wave a hand in the direction of the box. "One geek in the box."

What's Bert's response to this?

She screams. Loudly. She also points, and her eyes go huge.

There is someone in her living room who is supposed to be in prison. A someone that as far as she knows, isn't supposed to be out. The bit about not having a shirt doesn't bother her at all.

Bert is still screaming by the way.

Screaming is not good. Not at all.

"Bert, stop screaming we need to explaaiiiinnn. Eric. Eric. She is going to attract The Man because she is not shutting up!" While Gene is fishing out a tazer just in case, makes a motion like a Vulcan neck pinch with his other hand. He took martial arts, he should be able to make her stop drawing unnecessary attention. Or something.

"For the last time dammit Gene I'm not Spock!" Eric replies though he's stepping around the box though and towards the screaming and pointing Bert.

Sliding around behind her he attempts to clap one hand over her mouth as he very calmly says with a sigh. "We aren't here to hurt you or anything, Gene just wants to talk is all! Talk. Not scream. Not point. Just…talk alright? Calm down…just talk…that's it!"

A kind of a choked yelp is heard from Bert as she scrambles back and away from Gene. "You.. WHY are you out?! How'd you get out! Oh my god, Gene, you've got to go back!" This only makes him look even guiltier on top of what was confiscated off of him. Another scream issues as she swats at Gene. "What the.. Vulcan neck pinch!?" Who does that anyway!? Who /asks/ for that in real life!?

For the moments that Bert stops screaming, she's also not making an effort to lower her voice. Hey, she's new to all this, okay?

Eric must be new to this as well. Seeing as when he covers Bert mouth, she's free to kick at him and dart away from the hand. "What.. the hell are you both doing here!? Talk.. Talk!? I cannot talk with either of you! Let me call a few people, we'll get you taken into custody and sort all of this out!"

"Well," Eric says thoughtfully. "At least she stopped screaming."

Tucking away the tazer in his belt while his lower half is still hidden by the body, the young genius gets up. "Okay… We have a lot to explain and not too much time to explain it. Let's start with the basic. Have you read Mavel's Civil War? We are kinda in a situation like that right now. I'm Captain America… And Eric's Bucky. Actually, nah, he's like a white Luke Cage. You follow so far?"

"I… look.. here. Gene. Do you know how guilty this makes you look!? I was making progress on your release!" Bert's eyes shut tightly as she takes a breath to try and steady herself. This is a /bad/ situation and Gene's quoting Civil War. A hand rises and she pinches her nose. She's got a fugitive in her apartment and an accomplice. What does this make her? Oh God. What's going to happen if she doesn't raise the alarm..

There's an internal battle waging over this situation.. and if it weren't' for that damned loyalty to Ivory, she would be more willing to help. So what does Bert do now? She leaps for her phone.

"…you did not just call me Bucky…" Eric stares at Gene for a moment before he takes off the hat and mock-glares. "We are not having the sidekick argument again are we?" Pause. "Luke Cage I'll take though…" Turning his attention back towards Bert he blinks as she steps away from him. "…what? Take him /back/ into custody we just got him out!" He stares at Bert for a moment like she's lost her mind. "And you were not making progress, no one even knew what he was in there for!" He blinks a moment then as she makes a dive for the phone.

Oh noes.

He makes his own long, armed grab for the phone to try to keep it at least out of reach of the crazed woman. "I thought she was your /friend!/"

Clearly, Justice is not as easy to have happen as the young man once thought. "Bert, we need to talk about this!" Gene exclaims, spilling out of the box to try and tackle the woman by the legs. "She /is/!" Gene exclaims as he tries to hold the woman away from the phone.

"Give me my phone!" Bert shrieks as she leaps at Eric, reaching up for her phone. "I am his friend! I'm doing this because it'll be better for him in the long run!" She makes another swipe for the phone, anger rising in her tone, "The Senator won't let anything happen to Gene if we just turn him in! It's for Gene's own good! Ivory — Senator Wynn — He listens to me!" There's just something about the way she refers to the good Senator that's a bit off.

When Gene tackles Bert about the legs, she goes down with a rather loud and alarming shriek.

Eric…just keeps it out of reach then steps back from her as she goes down in a heap. Thump. A slight wince. "Look! Just let us explain alright, we really arn't here to hurt anything. I thought you would be /happy/ to see Gene again!" He adds as he steps backwards and away from the woman. Though there is an odd look as she addresses the Senator as Ivory, thats sounds like…hero worship or something.

…does she have a thing for Senators or something?

"And its not going to be better in the long run. The'll just forget about him, or worse!"

While he doesn't say as much, this is last warning. If this keeps up, neighbors are going to get involved and no telling what Bert will do. A hand goes to his side, though he doesn't make a move toward his taser. Not yet. "If you want to talk to Ivory after this, you can… I just need to explain things. When we last talked and from what I heard, you were scared. I came to make sure that everything was okay… I am risking death at this point and all you can think about is Ivory? Would your parents be happy about this? Or what about Jesus? Or CAPTAIN AMERICA?"

"I /am/ happy, it's just.. he's.. GENE, get off of me!" Bert shrieks, and does stop scrabbling for the phone. Now she's trying to get Gene to let go. "I have to explain to Ivory and oh God.. my new friend and.. this is bad for you to be here!" It's a bit like the panic she showed for Elena and Eric not too long ago.

A look is shot towards Gene and Bert is incredulous, "Jesus? GENE. I AM JEWISH. And yes I am thinking about Ivory! This involves him too! And he's going to think I'm involved in your escape.. and.. and.. of course I'm scared! I've got a fugitive and his sidekick in my apartment. This is serious and you two just don't understand!"

"Look," Eric says as he facepalms. "Come on you two. Stand up, we'll talk this out for a bit…Gene really is risking everything and if you turn him in there isn't any getting him out. They'll make him disappear, you want that?" He asks as he looks first towards Gene. Then a pause. "Bad move on the Jesus thing Gene." He asides after a thoughtful moment. "And no, he won't think your involved. Don't worry about that! We /do/ understand lady, trust me we understand better than you do."


"I am /not/ the damn sidekick! This is a joint operation!" Alright. Now that's over. "Just let Gene explain alright? And stop screaming, please. I'm getting a bit of a headache."

"There are Jews that believe all the stuff Christians do about Jesus, they call them Mess-Fine, Eric, fine. Dropping religious debate, focusing on why I am better here than waiting for the government to give me soap on a rope."

Gene sighs as he gets up. "If we don't understand, then EXPLAIN it to us. Like I thought you were, I'm trying to get to the truth. So, explain." With that, he folds his arms as he moves to lean his back against the wall. He swiftly pulls away though, rubbing his still sensitive back.

"I HAVE STOPPED SCREAMING," Bert roars at Eric. Yeah, so much on the screaming bit. With a huff, she brushes strands of red hair from her face and she glares at Eric. "No I don't want Gene to disappear and waste in a hole somewhere, but being a fugitive is going to make things worse for him!" She then twists around to look at Gene, "This is important work we're doing. We're keeping the country safe from terrorists. I damn near got my arm frozen off by one because she was after the Senator." And not in the way of after him as in taking his life. That whore. Anyway.

"Mashugga, the both of you," Bert says in a shakey breath. "Gene, you know I'm involved in sensitive work, directly under the Senator." Hahahaha. Oh boy. A flush heats her cheeks that may or may not have anything to do with the argument at hand. "You're both in my apartment. People could obviously think I had something to do with your escape. I'm harboring a fugitive… oh god.. I'm a criminal!! Ivory will think I'm a criminal! Not when I'm so close to.." Tracy's out of the way, Ivory's all hers.. and she leaps at Eric, scrabbling a hand for the phone, "GIVE IT HERE!"

That's the problem when dealing with passive aggressives. The final warning is almost always silent. This conversation is getting nowhere. And while Elena was all about not doing things like this, there isn't even a chance for reasonable conversation.

"Bert… I tas because I care."

And with that, Gene takes out his custom made device and shoves it right for exposed skin or not able to get any, her midsection. If it works, there is going to be some awkward silence as he looks toward Eric. "It's wrong to ask you to lie and tell Elena she tripped and fell on my taser, isn't it?"

Wincing and backing off a step Eric peers at the woman for a moment. "…oh. Sorry. My bad." He says dryly before he shakes his head. "Look it didn't matter if he was guilty or innocent he wasn't gonna get out of there unless he was gotten out. There wasn't even a trial." Pause. "Oh. Keeping the world safe from horrible terrorists like Mister I-Sprained-My-Back over there eh?" He says as he viciously jerks his finger at Gene. "Like the little kids we know were kidnapped, and the dozens of others that have been picked up for no reason other than they happen to be a bit—-" Pause. Rewind. "…arm frozen off…well that at least makes this simpler. Don't have to convince you of that…" He says thoughtfully after the moment.

A blush at the words 'Under the Senator'…Ooooh yeah. So much more than fanclubbing she is. Still, it doesn't explain the sudden OMGIVORYness of her attitude. "…look, we broke in basically no one is going to think you are a crim —- GYAK!" FLYING REDHEAD AT THE FACE!


"…yes. Yes it is." Eric replies towards Gene. "But I'll do it anyway for a James Bond watch and the pocketknife out of the Get Smart movie."

"Lies! There are not kids taken!" Ivory would /never/ let that happen! She's seen him get emotional about that sort of thing! It's the sort of thing that the likes of Tracy would spout! Seeing as Bert was preoccupied with going after her phone.. which was still in Eric's possession.

She never sees the taser coming.

Needless to say, Bert goes down faster than a.. well.. let's not go there.

His eyes not leaving the prone Bert's, Gene says to Eric, "I will take my Elena whiplashing like a man… But I'll still build you the knife. BFF." After giving a distracted fistbump, he rolls Bert onto her back if she is not already resting on it before putting his head to her chest, ensuring that she is still breathing. Assured that she is, he stands back up with a sigh. This did NOT turn out like it was supposed to.

"I guess the options are to leave her here and assume that she's is going to unleash the hounds on us and maybe Elena… Or take her with us and figure out what the shnyekkies is going on with her. Maybe get some passwords and use them to crack the system. …But I'm not sure Captain America would do that EITHER."

"Awesome. BFF." Eric replies though he doesn't take his eyes off of Bert as she lies crumpled there in a heap. There is a fistbump back though as he watches the man flip the analyst on her back. "I take it the obsession is a new thing?" He asks before he sighs and shakes his head slightly. "I've /never/ seen anything like that before out of those freaky brainwashing things you see in movies. She wasn't that hung up about Ivory when we saw her last."

A pause.

"Would Batman do it?" He asks of Gene with a raised eyebrow towards the Geek Of Geeks. "…and I'd rather not leave her here…when she wakes up she's gonna be /pissed/ at us, and she's the only Government official that actually knows I'm with you." Pause. "I mean that in a totally hetro manner of course. Anyway, I think we have to take her with us for now. Maybe once she calms down she'll be different…I don't know. You haven't developed a short term memory modifier yet have you?"

Bert doesn't make a sound as she's rolled over and accosted. The nerve! Oh wait, Gene's making sure she's breathing. Yeah, she's still ticking here. It's just too bad she's out cold. There's just SO much to Waldorf and Statler about.

While there are MANY important topics to discuss, Gene makes sure to only talk about the MOST important ones first. "Of course, it's hetro. I'm hetro cuz if I wasn't hetro, I would have kicked Gwen behind out long time ago. You're hetro because you have sexual tension with Elena from time to time, which come on now, you'd have to be at least bi for that. And unless you and Jaden are keeping something from me… Heck if you are, I don't want to know. Focus on topic at hand."

Gene takes a deep breath in and out before continuing on with his Genaloge. "She did seem to like Ivory before, but it wasn't this epic. Maybe they are sleeping together and that's why she is getting like this. But I think you'd know more about that than me." He looks over at Eric, figuring rich boy dealt with more than him. But of course, most high schooler have had more play than Gene. "As for short term memory stuff? Nah, we could try hypnosis, but I thought I saw on Mythbusters that stuff doesn't work. Maybe we could get Ramon to help, but that is getting a little shady there? Speaking of morally stuff, until we find out she's okay mentally, we can take her against her will for her own good. That is okay, Cap and Superman would approve. If she actually wants to turn us in because she wants to be a tool of The Man, then um, I guess we release her into the wild. Maybe follow her in the shadows if we want to pull a Batman." He looks down at Bert before glancing back at Eric. "Or something."

"…thanks Gene. That's what I needed, a mental image of Gayden again. You know how many time's he has /tried/ that on me?" Eric just shudders, as for sexual tension with Elena? Yeah. Lets just glide right on past that one and not touch it. Cause. Its true…and Eric /still/ would totally go for her. He's trying to stay good though. Ge's trying.

"That can't be just it, unless he's /amazing/ in bed and still I don't think I've ever seen a woman get /this/ crazy over something like that. Unless she's already really unstable." Pause. "She wasn't already really unstable was she?" Eric really doesn't know her at all. "…and yeah. No hypnosis, guess we jsut have to talk her through all this. " He says with a sigh before he shakes his head. "And alright…if she wants to be a tool then we let her go and we all ghost. You can hack from anywhere in the world and that'll be good enough for now right?" A nod. "Or something is right. Come on then, lets get the heck out of here before someone comes to investigate. We can't hold her for long though so we'll have to work this out quick."

"Well, sure we could. I'm a genius, remember? But yeah, let's get her out of here… No telling when The Man will be making his way in. Oh, take the box too. It has our prints on it. Well, mine at least." Gene pauses to look at Bert then look at Eric. "You have to pick her up though, I have the burned back still." For now, the young genius just drops talks of Bert's sanity. That is a EvoSoft flashback for another day.

"Alright alright, I'll take the box and you and the girl," Eric says as he cracks his knuckles a moment. "…its a good thing she's sleeping for this. Usually the shadow-thing freaks people right out." He adds cheerfully as he reaches down to scoop up the redheaded analyst and hold her easily in his arms. "…right. You grab my arm, and I'll just…" He steps around so that he's holding onto the box as well. "Lets get out of here. To the Mystery Machine!"

Before he leaves though he wipes down Bert's phone and leaves it…and he takes the clipboard too. "…should come back later and make it look like she packed and left. Then we can make up some excuse why she isn't around or something." He mutters before he finally nods. "Right. NOW! To the Mystery Machine!"

And with that the shadows raise up and swallow all three of them.

…and the box. Cause. Can't just leave the box.

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