2009-12-21: Santa Clause is Shootin' Up Town



Date: December 21, 2009


There's the return of a costume, a little shopping, and oops! A robbery!

"Santa Clause is Shootin' Up Town"

The Costume Shop - NYC

It's after working hours on Monday, the city streets are bustling with last minute shoppers and working folk. In a small shop on an inconspicuous corner is a costume shop, just the place for people looking for last minute Santa costumes. Which is exactly what Hallis is looking to return, three of them to be exact. They are the skimpy Santa Girl variety, all perfectly dry cleaned and back on their hangars. The woman returning them is in a long wool coat with white fur trim and black stiletto boots with matching trim.

"I know they're a little bit late, but I had to wait for them to be dry cleaned," she explains to the miffed looking clerk at the counter. "I can pay for a late charge or whatever, but I really don't need three costumes all to myself. Especially if two of them don't fit me. And I really don't think my friends would appreciate them as gifts… Well not all of them anyway." She gives the man a winning smile, hoping to cajole him into taking back the three costumes.

This…is not what Emery wants to be doing. Really. When you're a father though, you do all sorts of insane things for little girls who can throw you through a wall with her imaginary friend. Really. He's been in town a few days now, good to be 'home' for lack of a better term as he pushes the door open, head bowed. He wears dark sun glasses and has a cigarette tucked behind an ear, bundled up in a black coat to match black docs and his hands in his pockets as he mutters irritably in some language or another.

He stands behind the woman at the counter for a few moments before blinking and perking a bit. A chance to save money? Even if he has effloads? He leans over a bit to peek over the woman's shoulder. Don't mind the Irishman peeking over your shoulder.

The clerk sighs, having being won over by the smile agrees to take back the three costumes with a sizable restocking/late fee. They're clean at least… except for one. As he inspects the one that seems to be about the right size for the blonde returning them, "Uhm, there's a burn, a stain and a bit of the panty fur missing from this one. I'm not going to take it back in this condition."

"Oh… uhm.. Well you see I had an accident, or three. The burn was from when the cherry on my cigarette dropped into my lap. Thankfully it landed on the dress instead of my bare legs, could you just imagine?! Then that stain, I think it was from the chicken and waffles from breakfast, but I can't really be sure, you see I was a little bit tipsy by then." The young woman explains, not even noticing the man behind her. "The fur, well… That's a really long story, but I think I sort of fell at one point and got caught on something." It is then that she looks behind her shoulder and gives the stranger a small smile. She might be a little bit proud of the incident due to the lack of red tint on her cheeks. "How about I return the two that are in good condition and keep the last one then?"

Emery blinks from behind his shades, eying the items being returned and an eyebrow raises slowly as he clears his throat. "…word of advice luv, ye get with a bastard who 'as a hook on his manly milk maid business or sandpaper skin to get to rippin' the fur off your panties…that's considered bein' on the naughty list and it ain't gonna be nice next time ye go to the pussy doctor and 'ave the duck peekin' inside ye and going blind." He shrugs his shoulders slowly, he's being helpful…Then he speaks to the clerk over the shoulder. "…whadya 'ave in a mistletoe thong lad?"

The Irishman's comment earns a fair blush and a wide eyed gape. "Tha- I didn- That's not what happened at all! I completely stayed on the good list!!" Sort of. Well it was the good list for her anyway. With a humph, she raises her nose and opens her wallet, plucking out a single black credit card from the variety of colors inside. "Here, just put the costume on this. Mind if I look around a bit?" Another winning smile is given to the clerk as she leaves the credit card with him. Then it's on to shopping around, her favorite pass time. Quickly, she steps out of the way of the man seeking thongs and the clerk to peruse the tulle tutus and feather boas.

Emery's lips curve in a slow smirk as he watches the woman. "Ahh, brought the cherries to your cheeks now didn't it?" It is like listening to two different people really, that Irish accent smooths into a polished upper class English one smoothly. He tips an invisible hat to the clerk before spinning on his heel and following after the woman with a tilt of his head. "Right then, if you aren't playing the perverted little Skimpy Claus, what'll be? Not going burlesque ballerina are we?"

The accent paired with his words are enough to make her want to alternately swoon and slap him. But today, he receives nothing but a weak smile. "If I was a burlesque ballerina would you be the kind to go to the show? Or picket outside the door?" There's the challenge, right there. "Then again, you're shopping for mistletoe thongs, so you probably get more than enough of a show at home, Mm?" Instinctively, she raises her hand to gather the lapels of her coat together. She looks completely covered from head to toe and thankfully the scarf around her neck just adds to that illusion.

"Oi!" Emery sniffs a bit and rolls his eyes, tugging that cigarette from behind his ear and placing it between his lips as he pats his pockets and chuckles softly at a challenge. "…you're a bit on the malnourished barbie side, and I make it a habit to never ogle midget women looking for attire that'll make their wee men or women at home bend them over the butter trolly and vandalize their panties. So neither, but thank you kindly for your invitation." He manages this, mind you, with a cigarette between his lips. That takes skill! He finally plucks the cigarette from his mouth and tugs his lighter from a coat pocket. "A show at home? Well my cat does do a rather entertaining little jig when I set out the cream but…nah, I'm not wearin' mistletoe on my nether regions."

The dainty socialite's blue eyes narrow slightly as the man begins his tear down of her perfect self image. "I'm not a malnourished midget! I'm the perfect height and the perfect weight." She doesn't quite say for what though, but in her own mind she is indeed perfect. "Besides, it wasn't an invitation. There are plenty of men out there waiting for a flick of my finger, I don't need to troll around novelty stores looking for the latest in sexy accents." Then the blue eyes flit back up to the boas, apparently spying the exact one she wants. Unfortunately, when she reaches for it, she comes up a little short and rather than resorting to jumping for the piece of neck wear, she just lowers her arm and stuffs her hand back into her pocket.

Emery snorts. "Aye, maybe for a pixie. Don't worry, shhhh." He's being nice today, really as he reaches up and over the woman's head to snatch down the boa and drop it towards/on the little socialite before reaching for his own boa with a flick of his wrist, hand clutching his lighter and cig in a fist so as not to drop them. "You're looking for an accent? Well perhaps trying to be a little Frenchie?"

The boa lands on Hallis' head and slides down around her neck. The tickle of the feathers coaxes a small smile from the tiny woman but she quickly rids herself of it with a small pucker of her lips. "No, I'm not trying to be a little Frenchie, thank you very much. I j-j-just.." One deep breath later, she tries to stop the small bout of stuttering that was caused by being flustered. The hand that was so recently shoved into her pocket is extricated and she raises it to adjust the feather scarf around her neck. "I don't need to explain myself. Weren't you looking for a thong or something… for your girlfriend?"

Emery rolls his eyes, draping his green boa around his neck and then taking time to light up before tucking his lighter away. Smoking rules be damned apparently as he tosses one side of the boa over a shoulder and rests his free hand on his hip. "A thong for me WHAT?!" He shudders and closes his eyes. "Oi, stop stuttering and being disgusting wee bit." He exhales a stream of smoke and makes an 'o' with careful manipulation of his lips and concentration. He smirks to himself. "I'm curious then, why do you need a boa?" He nods towards garters and such. "C'mon, gotta find some g-strings."

"Well if you're not buying them for a girlfriend, it must be your wife… unless you're wearing them yourself." Hallis says with a rather haughty air, flipping some of her long blonde locks behind her shoulder. She wasn't going to follow him to the display of novelty undergarments, that is, until a few of them caught her eye. So with both of her hands stuffed into her pockets she sashays over to the display and begins perusing. It's with careful consideration that she makes a mental note of the ones that have tickled her fancy, though the outward display is a small twitch of her lips as her eyes rest on each pair.

"When a man 'as a daughter why do people automatically assume the bloke's got a mistress at home?" Emery scoffs and shakes his head, idly exhaling another stream of smoke before plucking a candy cane themed skimpy costume with a frown and a squint before tossing it towards Hallis. "You 'ave quite a bit to learn I'm afraid. Now…tell me what you're doing or lookin' for and I'll put in a good word with the big guy this holiday time period." He snorts and shakes his head.

Hallis reaches up with one hand and catches the skimpy costume in midair. "You were the one looking for mistletoe thongs and g-strings," she says lightly, placing the costume down on a table before twitching around it toward the ones that had caught her eye. "Besides, how would I know that you have a daughter? You're not exactly wearing a sign or holding a scrolling marquee." She turns her head away from the man as one costume in particular catches her eye. It's not festive, in fact, it's made of shiny black PVC. "Wow… I think there was a vampire movie with something like that in it."

"I just asked if the pinhead at the register had any, there's a difference. There really is." Emery chuckles softly and taps a bit of ash out on a table as he passes and he shrugs. "I'm not wearin' a wedding ring either. How do I know you aren't readin' me thoughts? Hm?" Then he turns his attention to the PVC outfit and stares at it rather intently. "Lovely! Wear it. Whip that little boyfriend or girlfriend of yours into shape."

The corners of Hallis' eyebrows twitch together in a frown. "I don't think so…" she murmurs quietly, "I don't have a girlfriend." The boyfriend? Well she stays quiet about that so there's no telling. "So, you were just asking for thongs for the hell of it, why the g-strings?" She asks carefully, turning to stare at him rather intently. He's a curious character, that's for sure. He must be relatively carefree, considering his lack of concern about smoking laws. "As for reading thoughts…" Pause. "People can't do that."

Emery shoves some bras and such aside to lean against the table more comfortably, folding an arm over his chest as he smokes quietly, considering how to answer that question as he mmhms softly. "And you're interested in PVC and returning ruined panties for no reason are you?" He shrugs his shoulders and has to laugh softly at the reading thoughts thing. He laughs a bit louder before covering his mouth with the back of his hand, ending up breathing smoke out of his nose as his shoulders shake a bit with his laughter, eyebrow raising. When he finally does lower his hand he has to snicker and shake his head, pushing off of the table and chuckling. "Oh luv, there's no tellin' what people can and can not do really." He eyes a person who is eying his smoking and flips them off before continuing on his way towards the Santa Suits and the like. "Keep up now wee bit, don't dawdle."

"It wasn't ruined panties, it was a Santa Girl outfit. It just happened to have fur trimmed underwear to go with it. Besides, the PVC outfit, that wasn't for me. I was looking at it for another reason." Scowling a little bit Hallis clips behind the man, her hips twitching just a little as she walks. When they arrive at the suits, she turns to him and points out one in particular. "Like that one." The laughter? Well she's assuming he's having a chuckle at her benefit. "Maybe, maybe not… but I can't read your mind and I'm assuming that you can't read mine either, otherwise you could tell what I was thinking half the time. Like now."

"Ooooh, so you're just a curious lil' idle fashionista of a freak then? Forgive me." Emery flicks a bit of ash only god knows where before looking at the suit in question and then back at Hallis and then at the outfit and then back at Hallis. "It is missing a couple of ho's innit?" His nose wrinkles before he waves a hand vaguely. "Even if I could read your mind, I wouldn't. I might see things I could live me entire life without seeing and be perfectly happy." He idly takes down a Santa suit, scanning the store thoughtfully with a small squint, looking for security cameras and the like with a hmm. Then he works on idly taking the suit off the hangar and what not. "Do me a favor luv. Have you ever been part of any type of heist? Or done any acting? Out of curiosity…you do seem like a vertically and horizontally challenged little doll, I'm sure." He laughs throatily and is idly checking the size of the suit.

The petite celebutante takes a couple of steps back from the man and furrows her eyebrows in a very confused expression. "Wha- Why would I be… What are you doing?" She glances back at the counter and chews on her lower lip, it is that expression she wears as she turns back to face him again. "Hey! I'm perfect just the way I am!" Slowly, she reaches one of her hands up to grip the lapels of her jacket together again, suddenly very uncertain about the company she happens to be keeping. "Are you going to try that on or something? Because I think they have dressing rooms…" Her other hand is used to point toward the back of the store.

"Nobody's perfect except for the people who aren't perfect who in turn decide to be imperfect so as not to appear perfect to people who can tell them they are not." Emery replies before cautiously working on slipping a small knife out of his sleeve and working on cutting the tags out of the coat and pants parts of the costume. "Try it on? Oh Bloody…no. I'm going to wear it. Keep up, goodness. American Education system is still amazingly ineffective." He sighs and slips out of his coat, fitted black turtle-neck sweater…ignore the holster plz…and he shrugs on the Santa coat, cigarette dangling from between his lips. "I'm buying this ridiculous bit of mythic hyped up fluff." Then he adjusts his holster and looks to the woman, adjusting his boa back around his shoulders before eyeing the pants. "…turn around luv, dunnae want to be puttin' yer boyfriend to shame now do we?" The Irish is back for a moment.

Stunned. Hallis just stands there gaping at the man that's getting undressed in the middle of the store. Not only that, he's got a knife up his sleeve and was that…? Turning quickly, she begins to clip a few paces away from the man. "I'm just going to … Over there." Rushing up to the clerk, she gives him a nervous smile and nods. "I'll take this please, and of course the costume." The boa is unwound from around her neck and she places it on the counter. The total of her purchase is rung up and the black card slid through the credit card machine, of course it is accepted. With a shaky hand, she signs the receipt and then collects her bags. By the time she returns to the area with the Santa costumes, he should have been changed.

Emery snickers to himself as he works on undoing his belt, slipping out of his pants and folding them up to rest on his coat before he tugs down that Santa's bag part of the costume, running fingers through his hair and peering over to Hallis when he returns. He smirks and gives her a quick chin-up before snatching up a hat to perch on his head at a cocky angle. There he is, cigarette, bag with his clothing in it, Santa suit, dark shades and plucks the cigarette from between his lips. "Right then, do you 'ave any type of any kinda talent or anything?"

Tilting her head a little curiously, Hallis shrugs once and places her hands in her pockets. "Talents? Well yeah, I can do lots of stuff." She says lowly, slowly inching toward the exit. The knife, the gun, the fact that he just changed in the middle of the store; the man is odd, to say the least. "If you're looking to include me in a.. heist.. or whatever you can just forget it. I don't need to steal things, I just buy them. If I can't buy them, I ask my Daddy to do it." Another shrug. Looking toward the check out again, she licks her lips and then gives the man a wary look. "Are you going to pay for that?"

Emery laughs and puts out his cigarette against a table and he rolls his eyes. "I 'ad a feeling you was the daddy's girl type. Do everyting you can to put things off on yer da. Bloody lazy but precious I suppose." Then he looks around and laughs softly. "Go on ahead and leave then luv if you like." He takes out a business card from…under his shirt somewhere and offers it. It simply says 'Enigma' and there's a phone number. "You'll need me one day, trust me. I'll pay for teh suit, don't worry."

The first part makes the young woman scowl even further. "I work! I work hard AND I do a good job." What does she do? Well it's hard to say, but she must be good at it because she's still got the job, right? Slowly, the young woman reaches out and takes the card. She lowers her head to examine it for a few minutes, flipping it over to see if there's anything more than just Enigma and the phone number. "Enigma? What do you do? Why would I need you? Are you a specialist?"

"Aye, same ting me baby's mama said about her working." Emery waits until the card is taken and then he is carefully tugging a blackberry from the coat pocket in his bag, rummaging around as he quirks an eyebrow. "What do I do? I solve problems and I do tings other folks don't do." On the back of the card are the words DON'T PANIC though. "I'm…aye, a specialist."

DON'T PANIC? After reading them, she looks up at the man and gives him a little twitch of a nervous smile. "I'm not your baby mama. I have a job, I get a paycheck." Hallis continues insistently, why she's defending herself to this man, who knows. The hand that doesn't have the card in it reaches up to pinch her collar together again and she hunches her shoulders a little, making herself seem a little smaller. "I'm kind of a specialist too, kind of…"

Emery ahhs softly as he hefts the bag over his shoulder, tilting his head to the side. "I know you're not my baby mama." The polished accent is back. "And I don't doubt you work and 'ave a paycheck. Even though it's probably not a job that yer parents could be proud of…or maybe they could." He drawls and then taps something into his blackberry, slipping on a pair of black gloves that he tugs out of the bag, no doubt from his removed clothing. He's probably sending a text slowly and carefully. Then he looks up with some interest. "Oh?"

Hallis nods slowly, raising her head in a very haughty manner. "They are proud of it. I'm a personal shopper for Jaden Cain. I find the things that he needs and get them for him." When he gives her the interested look though, she backs up a pace and puckers her lips slightly. "What kind of specialist are you? Problem solver? Like a private investigator or something?" It would explain the weaponry in his possession, but not the strange name or the message of warning. "Are you… are you investigating me? I didn't do anything!"

Emery laughs softly and rolls his eyes a bit. "…oh heavens, they are just lettin' anybody do that sort of work now aren't they?" He looks a bit surprised before smirking gently. "Aye, someting like that. It pays the bills. And no, I'm investigating you because you didn't do anyting luv…which means you might be helpful for and to me as well." He nods firmly and sighs. "Time will tell. Shopping all done?"

The young woman looks down at her bags and then looks up at him a little suspiciously, "Yes, my shopping is all done, at least in this store. I have a few more that I need to visit." Not that it's information that he's seeking or even needing to know but… "What do you mean you're investigating me because I didn't do anything? If you know I'm innocent, then why do you need to investigate?"

"If ye was somebody who was guilty, you'd be no use to me." Emery sighs as he starts moving towards the counter. "And then I would've just called you a dozy cow and told you to never wear panties iffen ye can't be responsible for 'em." He pats his holster under the coat with a shake of his head. "Investigation isn't just done to find the criminals." He idly cracks his neck and nods politely to the clerk as he puts down money on the counter to pay for the suit, flashing a charming smile. "Sometimes…it is done to by them." He also sets an envelope down on the counter as well.

Hallis leans forward a little and rocks backward onto her heels. His first comment receives a small grumble of complaint. The rest though, it earns a wide eyed stare and then the young woman licks her lips slowly. She's quite uncertain about what to do at this juncture. Looking toward the front door, she considers a hasty retreat. Then she turns her body slowly toward it and takes a step away, then ooo something shiny catches her eye and she's at a table looking at some novelty knick knacks.

Emery mmhms softly, paying for his suit. "Thank ye kindly. Now if ye would…yes, open the envelope and read it? Aye, okay. Now, I like ye…I do." As polished and smooth as can be. "A portion of allll the money ye be makin' this holiday period on all your Christmas goodies, will be donated to one of the children helping organizations on that list…" That's when the gun comes out, his hold on the bag is adjusted. "Or so 'elp me, the wrath of god'll look like child's play compared what I do to y-OH stop your…bloody 'ell, no real men." He sighs and carefully shoots out the register/computer and the phone - silencers are lovely. "Right then, Merry Christmas, all that bullshit…PIXIE!" He hollers. "Time to go." Off he goes.

Hallis had been ignoring the man at the register for the first part of his little tirade, she had been making plans with sequined underwear and PVC wristbands until the first pshew and crack. That's about the time she turns around curiously and her eyes widen in fear. Her trembling hand drops from her lapels and she reaches into her pocket, everything seems to happen in slow motion. When he hollers in her direction, it's like he's yelling something through water and she turns to give a panicked look toward the clerk. Her lips part and quickly it zips back to real time. When in doubt, follow the orders of the man with the gun. He doesn't seem the least bit hesitant to use it and she really doesn't want it used on her.

Emery twirls his gun as he goes. "You better watch out…You better not cry…Better not pout…I'm telling you why…" He pauses to hold the door open for Hallis after tucking the gun away as quickly as it came out it is gone again. "C'mon luv, you know the words…" He winks, even though nobody can see his eyes. "Santa Claus is coming to town…" He lets out a laugh that's not all that sane and continues on his way. All in day's work.

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