Starring:
Summary: Troubled by the dream put into place by Kory, Benjamin does something stupid. He tells his partner about it.
Date It Happened: January 26th, 2008
Log Title Scaring Is Caring
Company Facilities - Meryl's Office
As always, Meryl's office is full of stuff. She's learned from past mistakes, though, and has deemed this space an infinite work in progress. Every time she gets an office just the way she likes it, a fire appears and destroys everything. How odd.
Compared to her office in Hartsdale, this one at their new building is rather spare, though much more populated by random trinkets and bobbles than most. It's colourful. There's a random splash of paint across one wall, while glow-in-the-dark stars are stuck to the ceiling - which is painted a dark, midnight blue. Who says you have to paint ceilings white, really?
In this office is also Meryl. Sitting atop a rather shiny new desk, she's got a security camera dismantled and spread in pieces across her work surface. Finding new ways to take stuff apart and put stuff back together is a hobby that keeps her busy, at any rate, so there's no harm in it. Ironically, sometimes she comes up with something better than she had before. Unfortunately, she's created quite a few electrical shorts that have resulted in the need to use a fire extinguisher. This is why she has a glass top on the surface of her shiny new desk. And under that? Dozens of pictures of Basil. Aww.
Benjamin enters into this scene and just stares. There's always something incredibly bizarre about Meryl that's oddly comforting. Once you get to know her. He clears his throat to try and get her attention. Since leaving the hospital, going home for a rest and coming back to the office.. Meryl is the first person he's choosing to check in with. Namely the fact that she's his partner has something to do with it.. and that she understands the weird. Maybe he can get something off his chest with her and not be dismissed or made to feel like a total idiot. "Hey Meryl." He's not wearing the bracelet, but it /is/ carried in his pocket. On his keys.
What's bizarre about a grown woman sitting on a desk, taking apart a security camera? Nothing!The strange part is the camera, really. It's actually one of those very small cameras that pass through digestive systems. Only not really, but it's fun to pretend! When Ben arrives, she brushes the entire cascade of bits and pieces into a little trash can on the floor, and jumps off the desk. "Hey! Good to see you up and about. I thought you were dead for sure. I did research." With a very severe look on her face, she goes on. "Some people in the rainforest would coat their weapons with poison to make them more effective. Did you know? I was positive those bullets smelled like frogs. Anyway!"
Reaching out, she claps Benjamin on the non-injured shoulder. "Ready for our next mission, Bingo? I hear we're going undercover as Americans."
Benjamin can't help but smile at Meryl. She's just so original. "I probably could have died, and yeah, I've ready about those rainforest tribes." Not sure how much of what Meryl is saying is official or not, he just goes right on with it. "Really? Posing as Americans where? In Canada?" At least he's trying to go with it and chase off the troubled weight on his mind.
"Well, no. Here. We're posing as Americans and going out for a nice American movie night, and pretending not to be Company agents. I think we can both handle that, don't you?" With a smile, she pulls out the rolly chair behind her desk. "Look, just got this in today. Have a seat. Try it out, tell me if you like it. It vibrates." And she produces a little controller thing, which she turns on. With a whir, the seat… well. Vibrates, just as Meryl said it would. "It's really quite nice. Dunno how anyone will get work done in a vibrating chair, but I guess when I don't feel like doing anything productive I can turn it on. Anyway— I hear they're playing Alien versus Predator at the dollar theatre a few miles away, and I think you should take me this weekend."
There's a small laugh from Benjamin at Meryl's mission plan. "Easier said than done, but I'll give it a shot for you." He settles into the chair, not fighting against the suggestion. Sometimes it's just easier to play along. He has yet to find a way to tell Meryl no anyway. "I think I should, and I will. I really need to forget for a bit… hey this chair is nice. I guess I'm still too low on the foodchain to get one of these." Although he could go buy himself one of those chair cushions that massage and heat. He's talking as if he's trying to keep distracted. Since that /is/ the case, Meryl's the best person for this.
"I'll even speak with an American accent." There's a pause, then, "How's this? I've been workin' on it just about my whole life. Well, not really— " Aaand reverting, because American is hard. It's an unknown alien dialect that only the very few or the very stupid can master! Meryl is higher on the evolutionary scale, oh, Irony!
"That's enough of that. Actually, I kind of borrowed the chair from Stephan over in Labor Relations. I stamped 'never received' on his invoice, so he won't miss it. They wouldn't dream of buying me one of these things. I'll have it taken apart in a week."
When Ben's sitting, Meryl jumps back up on the desk, planting her hands on the surface, and letting her legs dangle over the side. "Well, if you're looking to forget something, you've come to the right person. There's still days I wake up and wonder who the hell this Meryl person is. What's on your mind?"
Benjamin raises a hand to smack at his forehead. He's going to conveniently forget Meryl just told him that about the chair. He's well familiar with how sensitive people are when office furniture and supplies are ordered and not delivered. (or swiped.) Thems fightin' words and actions. "I think I'm trying to talk myself out of being here.. and I'm afraid I may do something stupid." He's probably not making sense, which is okay. Look who he's talking to. Still, he backs up. "The other night after Bennet left my hospital room, I had the weirdest dream.. maybe it was a nightmare. I keep trying to tell myself it was the drugs they had me on."
Talk himself out of being here. Well, that's an automatic red flag. 'Do something stupid' is another, considering he's just gotten himself shot, and that in and of itself is pretty stupid. Together, they kind of put Meryl on edge. Reaching out with her foot, she turns Ben away from her, so that his back is to her, and starts to rub his neck and shoulder, gently. "Well, honestly, I had a whole lot of fever dreams when I was all full of germs. You know, after Elle shot me." Her face will appear in his peripheral vision, smiling, before it vanishes again. "You live and learn, though."
Starting some as Meryl pushes the chair around, Benjamin cranes his neck to look around before facing forward. He doesn't try to wave off his partner and just lets her continue. "It.. maybe it was something like that. I've never had one before. This just felt different, like maybe someone was threatening me." Which isn't as silly as it might have sounded a year ago. "It could have been my conscience. I kept seeing Elena, my daughter and Mariska's daughter in my dream. I kept seeing them, they were demanding to know why I'm doing what I'm doing." Only it wasn't as simple as that. With as much detail as he can recall, he tells Meryl about it.
Meryl listens quietly for once, saying nothing as Benjamin explains his dream, his thoughts about someone staging a coup, of the people in his dream that he heard talking to him. It all makes sense, because everyone has thoughts like that once in awhile. This is a high stress job, where everyone carries a gun, and everyone stands a good chance of getting shot. Meryl knows that. Ben knows that.
Click.
The unmistakable sound of Meryl's pistol being cocked. The barrel presses against the back of Ben's head. "Don't even think of putting me out, Winters. I figure I have about a second until I go down, and I will pull the trigger if I start feeling just a little drowsy. Understand?"
"Meryl… Amanda," Benjamin says, feeling a chill the moment he hears that click, before he even feels the barrel. "You're my partner. I'm not going to do that to you." Again. He closes his eyes, breaking into a sweat. He tries to stay calm, and to speak evenly. ".. I told you what was bothering me.. because you are my partner, and I trust you." Which is a little weird to find that he trusts the crazy person in the Company.
"And I'm doing this because you're my best friend. Benjamin." The gun remains pressed against his head. "I want to illustrate the full scope of what would happen if you tried anything. There are bad people in this Company and I make no delusions about that. The fact is, they wouldn't hesitate to kill you if you or anyone you know decided to go rogue.
It's happened before."
If this isn't a wake up call— Well, Meryl hopes it's enough of one. "The majority of this Company is decent. The whole of it is for a good cause. But there is a reason I fear Noah Bennet." Her face will appear in Benjamin's peripheral vision again. "And if you get yourself shot, you know who's going to have to clean up the mess? Me. And I've already lost a partner. I don't need to lose you, too."
Oh. It's a wake up call. Received, loud and clear. One of those pants wetting ones. Which Benjamin thankfully does not do. That would just be the icing on the cake of emasculation. ".. I figured as much. Bennet's already put the fear of him into me." Practically from day one. Notice, not the fear of God, but the fear of HRG. The man could scare the dead back to the living. If Meryl's in his peripheral vision, he's not noticing. His eyes are still closed. "And I don't want to do that to you. I.. I just needed to tell someone. It's been bothering me ever since Friday night."
She understands. Really. Well, kind of. There are people in the Company who haven't ever considered defecting. Even if Meryl's questioned the judgment of the higher-ups sometimes, she's never outright spoken against them. There's a reason for that.
With her foot, she turns the chair around again, dropping the pistol that was in her hand into Benjamin's lap. Remember that realistic-looking water gun she used to scare Megan? That's what she was holding to his head. It's even full of water. However.
She sets the real firearm - her Beretta - on the desk next to her. The truth of the matter is - something she's not saying - Ben is her partner. She'd be the one who would have to kill him. And that is something that she takes very, very seriously; in a way, it keeps partners from running off, starting revolts, because knowing that it'll be their partner that will have to kill them, well. It makes a person thing twice. And for Meryl, she's going to hold on to Ben for as long as she can.
"Can I tell you something, Ben?" she says gently.
Benjamin does and doesn't know better. He was trying to keep this to himself, but it felt like he was going to explode with the weight. When he's turned around, and sees the … water gun.. "Jesus H Christ Meryl. I darn near peed myself," he moans as he slumps in the chair, looking ready to just cry with relief. "Meryl.. I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have said anything, because now you're going to worry, I just couldn't get it off my mind. Maybe now I can." As to the question, he nods his head.
"No, I'm glad you told me, and I'm sorry I had to get the point across this way, Benjamin. I truly am." Remember how she looked when she was all hopped up on drugs? That's about the level she's at now. Completely serious. You don't play with peoples' lives, least of all your partner's. "You can tell me anything, Ben. I want you to. And better me than anyone else, because I'm not going to tell anyone."
Pulling her legs up on the desk, she puts the safety back on her pistol and checks the chamber. "You're trying too hard," she says. "You don't have to give up everything you are when you're Company." Finally, she smiles again, giving Ben an almost incredulous look. "They tried to make me do that. It just didn't work out, obviously. You're not part of a collective. Ease up a little, Mate. I know it sounds like a page out of a self-help book, but we're all individuals here. Learn that, and you'll stop having nightmares featuring detached heads."
Benjamin gives a slightly nervous laugh, trying to relax as Meryl speaks. It's just.. difficult. "Maybe I expected too much of myself. It still bothers me about Elena. I can deal with Miss Hanner shooting me. I don't blame her for that. What bothers me in both cases is that they're being held as leverage. No other reason. Leverage against someone who won't turn himself in." Even with this talk, he's still not feeling any better. Maybe he's been just that spooked as emotions he's tried to bury were just brought to the surface. "I know. I realize this. But when what little life I have outside the Company collides like it has. That was just something I didn't really need."
"You ever see me treat any of the captives with anything less than respect?" she asks Ben. "Megan hated me. She hated everything I represented, and now what? You don't have to become a different person - you don't have to detach yourself from these people. They're human beings. They have fascinating and— sometimes downright frightening stories, I'll admit, but… You've made more than one rookie mistake. A badass you're not. Leave that to me."
Meryl, if allowed, will take Ben's hand. "I'm sorry you had to be the one to go after Elena. I can't… really justify that. In a way, it'll be easier on her, and it won't be easy at all at the same time. You'll make your peace." Patting Ben's hand, she releases it, and gets to her feet. "It's for a good reason, though. You know that as well as I do; Peter Petrelli needed a wake-up call, just like you just did. And maybe everyone will come out all right in the end. Elena, you, Peter. Kitty."
Leaning on the back of the chair, close to Benjamin's ear, she says, "Okay, now we've argued. Is it time for the make-up sex?"
"I know.. I just.." Feel too much? Am far too sensitive? Benjamin sighs a little, finding the vibrating chair hard to relax in. "I think Megan still hates me a little." Letting Meryl take his hand, he admits. "I volunteered for it. I'm glad I was the one. Anyone else could have really hurt her. I wanted to try and talk to her before forcing her. It seemed like such a good idea.. to try and lure Peter in." For some reason, he really believes that apparition in his dream when it said Peter wouldn't turn himself in. He seems ready to get up.. so that he can go somewhere to calm down.. until..
"MERYL!," he chokes out, sputtering at the question. Utterly flabbergasted by /that/, he mumbles, "You'd have to fight Angie."
"Oh, come on, Benny. I've seen how you look at me. It's a wonder you haven't proposed already. Shocking." She winks, dragging her hand across his chest before she releases him. "Don't worry. The offer's open 24-7, in case you change your mind. Seriously, though, let's take a walk in the park or somethin', eh? Clear your head a little. Nothing like a good noseful of smog to get the ol' clarity going." Because people with bullet holes in them should always go for walks in freezing temperatures. It's tradition. "Or I could drive us to Baskin Robbin's. Ice cream always makes me feel better."
Benjamin stares at Meryl with a look of incredulity on his face. Uuuuh. Yeah. Maybe it's best he just not respond, because he can't trust himself to not say something really stupid. Anyone.. thinking of Meryl in that sense.. It just seems so wrong. Like crushing on the retarded kid in the classroom. ".. I think that's a good idea. The walk and the ice cream," he says as he pushes up. Even if his appetite fled the building, the walk in the cold sounds like a good plan.