Starring:
Summary: When Niki tries to live up to the "no secrets" rule she and D.L. laid down, their relationship is put to the test. Again.
Date It Happened: July 17th, 2008
Show and Tell
Deveaux Building
Upper West Side, NYC
So. Shit happened. And now D.L. is doing that thing where he's coming in from outside. Elevators and what not have opened and D.L. has managed to get himself off the elevator because this is where he's going to find Niki. He hopes, anyway. Hands are thrust into the pockets of his jeans, while his hood remains up. Trying to keep a low profile while being a large black man? Not exactly easy. But that's good enough for him. Besides, he can just pull a Swayze if he needs to.
It's been a crazy few days. It's been a crazy few months. Few years. Feels like a few lifetimes. As various people in the building recover from what they've been through most recently, Niki's just glad for some peace and quiet. Or at least… quiet. Peace isn't exactly something that she personifies right this second as she sits outside on the floor of balcony, the doors open behind her. Not hearing the elevator doors out in the hall, she's keeping something of a low profile herself — while trying to indulge in something completely mundane that doesn't ask anything challenging of her: painting her toes (blue, for no particular reason). There's a tattered old romance novel beside her with a $1 sticker on the front.
Phase. D.L. just slides into the apartment and glances around to see anything. And that's why he decides to head off in the direction of the open balcony doors. Because, well, they are open and there's a white woman out there. Which is always a good thing to go to when you're coming to a place that you're not allowed to call home yet. He pulls the hood down off his head and just kind of leans out of the doors, to peer down at his official wife, "I like red." And there's a mini-smile attached to his face.
Niki isn't surprised when D.L. appears in the balcony doorway, but her sudden look up jars the itsy-bitsy brush she's painting her toes with. "Red is so nineties." So is this sparkly blue junk, the 90s might even be its manufacture date, but never mind that; she's kidding around. She smiles up at D.L. before looking back down at her little project, wiping at the side of a toe. "You made me smudge."
"And you made me fall in love. So we're even." D.L. steps all the way out onto the balcony, stepping right over to the railing and looks out. He's quiet for a moment or four, whilst he tries to take in the city sight and even possibly do something referred to as: 'relax'. But it really just seems to be a bit of a dramatic pause. "It's over now. Right?"
The dramatic pause is less dramatic for Niki; she puts the finishing touches on the sparkling paintjob while a smile lingers along her lips. It's a little nostalgic. Might having something to do with memories about red nail polish and the 90s and falling in love. As she picks up the little bottle of polish, the smile to fade and the blonde takes her own dramatic pause, poised over the half-twisted cap of blue. "I hope so. Even if it's not…" Niki looks down. "I'm done. I'm done with all of it."
D.L. finds that's a good enough answer to turn around on and so he does. Arms get crossed over his chest and there's even a little bit of an eyebrow raising, just to see what may or may not be true in this statement that was just made. But then again, it's Niki. She can lie while telling the truth about lying that she was being honest about lying in a true way. It's complicated. "So. Does that mean I get my wife and my son and my… whatever Cam is… back?"
That's Niki's motto — one she didn't ask for. 'It's complicated.' There's nothing but sincerity in her eyes as she looks up (way up) at D.L.; well, maybe a little hope. Maybe a little apprehension. But she's telling the truth. "That's what you want," she says, her voice small. "And … that's what I want. We're not so great at the Happily Ever Afters anymore, but— " She shrugs a shoulder, trying for a hopeful smile. "We're good together. Right?" You know, except when they're not, and one of them's trying to kill the other and the other one's in jail and then there's the secrets…
"I can't be with anyone else." D.L. states pretty plainly. Not that he's actually tried or even found someone worth risking it all for. But yeah. He just knows that he's in love and there's not going to be anything that can break that. Except maybe death. Possibly. "But before we start Brady Bunching it up. I need to know." And that's probably not a good beginning to that statement, but there it is. "… Everything."
Niki gets up from the floor of the balcony, turning away from D.L. The apartment sees what he doesn't get to: the worried look on her face. The 'what if this goes completely wrong' look. She's quiet for a moment before she goes ahead and slides the balcony door shut and traps them (figuratively) outside. Even then, she stays with her hand on the door handle for a good span of time before she speaks up, tentative but determined. "You have to know that after you came back from prison, I was trying to figure things out. For a long time. Trying to deal with— " Niki turns around. " — who I … was. What I'd turned into… two in one. It wasn't easy. And I was trying to do everything by myself. I know, that's no excuse… for what I did…"
D.L. just kind of listens. Especially since trying to interject is not the best thing to do right now. His body presses back against the balcony railing a bit more, before he ends up peering at Niki. Perhaps he's even trying to see through her words and into something a bit more like what the truth is. But he's not flipping out. Yet. So that's pretty much a very good sign if there ever was one. Right?
Even though D.L.'s lack of words generates an awkward silence, Niki'll take it. She pushes through it. "I was pissed off at Pinehearst. And Logan. Just frustrated, you know. And the one person I thought I could trust— " Apparently not D.L. " was missing. I was spending so much time away from home and… so much time… pretending to be Jessica, only it wasn't really pretending. I can see clearly now, but then— I started second guessing… us. Thinkin' maybe you'd see what I was up to and decide it wasn't worth the wait. Take off with Micah." God, so much talking. Well, she's gone too far to stop now. "So then when someone I could trust came along…" Niki trails off, trying to lock eyes with her husband as she inches ahead a bit. "I just have to explain. I want you to know," she insists, "What kinda place I was coming from."
D.L.'s face kind of falters a little bit. The stone visage cracking at the seams, as it listens to what Niki's trying to get through. Especially when the people she can trust, any of them, all of them, are not him. He starts to even wonder if he's even going to be in the running for being trusted any time soon. "Niki." words finally come out of his mouth, though they don't say she can trust him. She knows this. Or should know this already. Instead, he goes with an even bigger example as to why she could/should. "I went to prison. For you." D.L. almost feels like he's being slapped in the face here. But still… he listens.
"I know." Now, while she's here, talking to him face-to-face. Niki steps in like she might take D.L.'s hand, but all she does is let her arm swing. "I know. I got so lost, D.L." Troubled features animated as she tries to get through all these explanations, she hangs her head, longer-than-ever blonde hair sliding off her shoulders.
"I was wrong," Niki says, "but I thought— I thought I was alone. There was… this person…" A nameless person. Didn't they say no secrets? "He understood… certain things…" Niki closes her eyes. Everything about her comes to a standstill except for careful breathing. She has to say it. She has to, so that they can just get past it. "We were together. For … awhile. I worked with him, to take down Pinehearst and help his…" Whooops. "Help Nathan. It wasn't just… we weren't just sleeping together. It wasn't only the once."
Well. The good news is that D.L. doesn't move. Nor does he lay the smackdown on Niki. Or do anything bad in that regard. In fact, he just kind of stands there and looks like he's being stabbed in the chest. Pain is not a good thing, right now. But they have to go through this. Especially if they're going to have a future. He kind of just drops his head a little, peering down at the floor, whilst his ears listen to whatever it is Niki is saying to ruin their chances of the future. "He, whoever he is, made you happy?" As 'happy' as anyone can be in whatever that situation was?
"Happy wasn't really the word I'd use." If D.L. thought he and Niki had an angsty relationship… "It was…" she struggles to say anything, given who she's talking to — her husband — but comes up to the railing and leans her elbows on it, overlooking the street below and says, "Intense. Doomed." She manages to look over at D.L., blue eyes surprisingly clear as she thinks of another word, which she's sure to delivery gently. All things considered. "Necessary. At the time."
D.L. just kind of nods. If it can even be considered a nod. He's in too much actual pain to really nod fully. This is harder to hear than it is to say. Saying things are not good ideas. Hearing them is worse. Sighing, he kind of takes steps to be where Niki just was, helping to bring the imagery of them switching places even more intense. "… Got it." is all he mutters, through teeth that are clenched in frustration. He is, after all, listening to his wife, the woman he loves, tell him about her other man.
"We said no secrets," Niki reminds her husband through similarly clenched teeth, turning around to face him; or try to. Behind her, she grabs onto the railing tightly. "I left, so I could salvage what's left of this family. Because I didn't want to do this to you anymore." All of Niki's words are forced. It's not that they're untrue; it's simply that she doesn't want to be having this conversation. Who would? It's a necessary evil. A hint of misplaced anger or bitterness and some manner of pain infuses her next words. "And he's gone now. Dead, even. So you don't have to worry."
"I want you to be happy, Niki." D.L. manages. Especially at this moment. "That's all I ever wanted." D.L. seems like he's forcing words out to. But he's more trying to make sure that they don't end up being something along the lines of too emotional. He is, after all, a big black man. They don't cry. "I… don't…" Confusing words. Statements. Things like that. "What happened to him?" is asked with a strange tone of sincerity behind it.
Is this the part where Niki explains that her one time lover was a man from the future who had time travelled back from the past and was destined to leave no matter what? … No. Apparently not. She stares at D.L. in indecision and unnerved surprise before shaking her head and answering, "A— a random … attack. Some guys with knives." Well, this isn't uncomfortable at all. Niki folds her arms and winds up hugging herself, ill-at-ease. "There's also…"
D.L. nods. It's a pretty simple nod as it doesn't have anything more to it. Just interested, morbidly so, eyes on D.L. as he tries to get all of the information he can out of Niki before she can't tell him anything else. This is not exactly the best conversation to be having on a balcony where jumping off to one's death might be the best option afterwards. Sigh. "Also?"
Self-preservation (in this case, synonymous with family preservation) kicks in and Niki goes back on her word — no more Tell All. "It's— not important," she says, shaking her head, wrapping her arms about herself tighter and looking down at the corner where she left her bottle of nail polish and the cheap romance novel. She bets that story has a Happily Ever After. "It doesn't matter," she adds, dismissive. Now, whether that'll fly or not… that might matter.
D.L.'s eyes get to narrowing at this exact moment. Especially when there's nothing else being said. "Nicole." He's using the full name now. Seriousness is all over his face. "This is not going to work if you don't tell me everything." But then re kind of realizes that this is probably what drove her away in the first place and ends up kind of just shrugging it off slightly. "But… I can't make you tell me. So. If that's it?" And now he's turning to head inside. "I gotta' make a run." Uh oh.
Niki closes her eyes and sighs when D.L. turns to go. Her response is a little delayed. "Wait," she says, tired rather than desperate. She follows after, far enough to make a gentle grab for his closest arm. "Some things happened that I didn't tell you about that were… out've my control." Pause. "Most of them." Pause. "I know we said no secrets, but it's nothing you want to hear, and it's nothing that meant anything, so… hey. Can you at least look at me again?"
D.L. is stopping and turning around at this point. His face has returned to the cold and stone visage that he's used to wearing. Especially, well, since he's busy with making sure that he's not showing any emotion. Showing emotion would mean showing weakness at this point and he doesn't need to be weak. Not right now. Not during this. He crosses his arms over his chest to prove that he's listening and looks at Niki. Since she asked.
Maybe she shouldn't have asked, 'cause now she's forced to stare up at that stony face. Niki's own features turn from the earnest and pained mess it was into something that's a little stonier itself. At this moment, though, she's not as steadfast as he is at the moment. The facade starts to crack as she talks. "I am sorry if it's too much. I have been through hell, D.L. I know you have too, but we're here now. What's happened? It's already done. So what d'you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything, Niki. I just want what's best for you, Micah and Cam. That's all I care about. S'all I ever cared about." The honesty of those words is too much for even D.L. to properly handle. Which is why they come out so fast. "I'm not trying to judge you or find a reason for this not to work. If that's all you want to tell me, that's all you want to tell me. I'm not gonna' stop loving you with everything I have." More honesty. "I just wish you believed that."
"I wish you believed me," Niki counters more softly, stepping closer to the balcony door and, obviously, the man standing in it. She makes no move to touch him again, though. "'Cause I do believe you." She starts to smile that smile again, tempered by a whole lotta' stress lines and nervousness, but hopefully attached to some familiar heartstrings. "Come on," she tries to add lightly, "You've known me practically forever. Since back in the day!" She smiles a bit brighter for an instant. "Before all this craziness. You know I'm not that girl who wants to cheat on her husband."
"Baby, it's not that I don't believe you. I do. I love you." D.L. finds himself explaining his actions. Which isn't good for a man. Because males trying to talk about their feelings is not a good thing. It just so happens that D.L. is pretty good at it. Or good enough. "I just… it's hard. We've been through so much. Our past is rough. I just don't want anything else to come between us." And now D.L.'s even offering some kind of smile back at her. "Not even sheets."
"So we have a rough past. We're still here, aren't we? After everything we've been through? Even in the last ten minutes? If that's not solid, I don't know what is." Niki crouches down to retrieve the things she's left out here — the book and the polish — and moves toward D.L. She's either going to slip past him into the apartment, or walk right into his arms. Husband's choice.
It's almost slow motion. Kind of. Not really. But D.L.'s not about to let this woman walk past him. Instead, those arms open up and there he goes with the hugging of Niki. "Think we're gonna' make it this time?" Yeah, he's not even worried about Happily Ever After. He just wants something to be After.
Niki's still for a second or two before she lets her arms wrap around D.L. Quiet as a mouse, she doesn't answer, at least not out loud: she just holds tight, shutting her eyes, especially from the sight of the apartment beyond the doorway, and lets her head rest nice and solidly against the man who's not always so solid.
(END)