2010-06-10: The Best Policy



Date: June 10, 2010


Nothing Happens. Honest.

The Best Policy

Cain Tower, Jaden's Apartment

It's mid-morning, and Erin stands outside the door of a mister Jaden Cain. He wasn't hard to find since he's rather… wealthy, to put it lightly. Thank goodness for small favours. While trying to go into this conversation with an open mind, she can still see the tear-streaked face of her baby sister, and that's enough to make her slightly perturbed. Still, outright anger from her tends to make people ill, so she'll just keep it together for as long as she can.

It wasn't hard to make it past security, because, being an actor herself, Erin has a certain way of charming herself past almost anyone. Sure, that didn't work for the Alpha Protocol, but this is a different situation entirely.

And so here she is. Knocking on the door, she waits, folding her hands almost demurely in front of her. Despite the plain-clothes look she's sporting, there's a fairly expensive Prada purse around one elbow.

For Entertainment Purposes Only… is why Jaden Cain is sliding out of his room, half-dressed and looking like he's been trying on more clothes than he knows what to do with. He's currently got two different Scooby Doo shirts hanging over his shoulders whilst he's sporting a wifebeater and jeans. Nothing too fancy for the richest man in the world, really.

"Help is on the way!" is called out towards the door, in an epic Mrs. Doubtfire impression, before he grabs hold of the handle and yanks both of his epic doors open. Already he's wearing the biggest smile of smiles, if only because he's happy that it's not… well, Jaden is just always smiley. It's in his blood.


Oh Lord.

There's a sort of horrified look stuck on Erin's face when Jaden appears. This is what her sister is dating? This is — No, it makes sense, when she really thinks of how insane Janet can get. At first, she doesn't know what to say. She just keeps staring, and then she smiles. Pleasantly.

"You must be Jaden." Also pleasant, but with an edge of something slightly more serious. Giving him an up-and-down glance, she then asks, "Can I come in?" before stepping right past him and into his apartment.

"I can see you're busy, so I'll just get right to the point. My name's Erin McCarty. Janet is my sister. You made her cry, so I figure this is all a misunderstanding, or you're an ass. Which is it?"

Jaden is blinking. He's not exactly sure what's going on. "Busy? Hey, just because I'm the CEO of the biggest software corporation known in the cosmos and that I can't pick which Scooby Shirt to wear today doesn't mean I'm busy!" Jaden is not even saying this sarcastically. He's really making it known that he's never busy. He pays people to do the busy stuff for him so that he can continue to pursue his slacker lifestyle!

"Wait, what?" Jaden freezes in mid-step back to allow Erin inside, in order to raise a hand. But! It doesn't matter because Erin is RUDE! "What the shell, lady!" That's right, Jaden has a little bit to be upset about right now. He slams the door behind her and spins around. "How… when did I make Janet cry? Your sister is awesome! I would've never done anything to hurt her! EVER!" Jaden reaches up to stroke at his chin, as if trying to think back during the past few weeks. "I mean, okay, so I maybe, sorta', kinda' ran out of Superman Ice Cream last week. And yeah, maybe I was a little too lazy to run out and buy some. But I SWEAR, my freezer is so stocked right now…"

A misunderstanding, then? Erin's not the most optimistic person in the world, but his manner seems to indicate that he wouldn't stand here and lie to her. Like Janet, he seems to expel his stream of thought into audible words. She relaxes slightly, her smile becoming more sincere. "Hey, it's okay. You should probably go see her, though, as soon as possible. She says she saw you on TV, in Paris with another girl. And I told her that people like you and me are, you know, the victims of stupid headlines all the time. But she saw what she saw."

Despite everything, she kind of likes this guy, maybe because he reminds her so much of Janet. "She was worried that you told her that things weren't… God, how'd she put it. Exclusive, I guess. And I wanna give you the benefit of the doubt and all…" But if he's not telling the truth, she's giving him SARS.


"Dude, that is totally not a lie!"

Jaden throws his hands into the air, flinging both Scooby Shirts off into the distance. He slaps himself in the face. "I can't believe this! I'm totally buying the news station and firing everyone!" Jaden is already stomping back off towards his bedroom, throwing stuff around and coming back out, pulling his head through another t-shirt that reads: I Did It All For The Wookie.

"Listen. I'ma' be straight up with you. I was in Paris with another girl. Yes. Her name is Hallis Van Cortlandt. But I swear on a stack of Oreos that she works for me. She's my shopping consultant stylist person." Jaden waves a hand off towards the Scooby Shirts that are now hanging from whatever pieces of furniture that they happened to land on. "As you can see, I can barely dress myself. So she was helping me pick out some sweet places to shop! Geez!" Jaden sounds like he's more upset with the LYING MEDIA than he is with Erin or even Janet.

"God, she must think I'm the biggest jerk of alls times. I gotta' fix this. Should I buy her something? Like what… she's a doc, right? Oooh. Maybe I can buy her a hospital…"

Again, Erin finds herself believing Jaden, because… "Hallis? Really? You mean the same Hallis I work with on the set?" Who hates her because she believes that Erin punched her in the FACE, when it was REALLY MORGAN. So confusing. But anyway, it's just a whole mood about this guy. As she meets his eyes, she slowly says, "You're not actually capable of lying, are you?"

Leaning back against the nearest piece of furnature, Erin contemplates for a moment. Down-to-earth Janet might be embarrassed by the gift of a hospital. Then again, she'd be employed. No. It's just not something she'd appreciate as much as some others would.

Taking a small hardcovered sketchbook and a pen out of her purse, she draws a quick map. "Here. This is a Baskin Robbins that makes… You know those little clown cones? Well, they make whole little ice cream clown cakes with Superman ice cream. She'd love it. Take her there and set things right. She watches the show. She should know who Hallis is."

But wait, there's more. "And if you're really serious about this, tell her you'll help her find a job. She wants to work. She loves helping people. If she has to run a hospital, she's not gonna get that." Tearing the page out of her book, Erin hands it over. "…And one more thing."

Jaden is blinking himself like crazy. He's listening and everything, but he's nodding his head frantically at the fact that he's not capable of lying. "Mama always said to be honest! Ain't nothin' bad ever done came from honesty that wasn't gon' happen already!" Yes, he just dropped the Forrest Gump voice on this chick. Damn, he should be a voice actor or something. Uncanny Vocal Mimicry for the WIN!

Snatching the paper, Jaden is already looking at it and turning it this way and that way. "Sweet. I'll buy Baskin & Robbins. Ice cream is awesome. Thanks!" But then there's more serious matters being discussed and Jaden's stroking at his chin. "I can totally get her a job! I know like more people than Kim Kardashian has ass!" A very strange analogy, but there it is, nevertheless.

All happiness comes to a screeching halt, though, just as Jaden is freezing himself in place. "… Uh oh. What?" There's always a catch to these things. Always.

This guy is so odd. How the hell did Janet even find him? Erin will have to ask about that story sometime. She can only imagine it was crazy. "No— no. Reaching out, she will, if allowed, take Jaden's shoulders. "Buy cake. Not the whole place. A cake. One cake." And, holding up her finger for emphasis, she repeats. "One."

Finally, she takes a step back. "You know, like a… date." A really strange date, by the sound of things, which will likely include references to celebrity asses. That wouldn't be Erin's ideal, but Janet might be different.

That one more thing should be easy enough for most people, but she's not sure that Jaden can not tell. "Don't tell her I came by here. She'll kill me."

Jaden is shook to the dickens and back again, before he realizes that he's being told NOT to spend tons of money on Janet. Which is just plain weird. He has tons of money! He needs to spend it on something! Sighing with more overdramatic flair than he should have, "Fiiiiiiiiiiiine. One cake. Seems kinda' borin', but whatever. One boring ol' cake."

Jaden is actually pouting at this point, but whatever. He's Jaden Cain. He's rich enough to pout. "Ohhhh. So you need me to keep a secret, huh? Well! I think maybe that's gonna' cost ya'!" Jaden's pout turns into a semi-pretend-evil grin. "I know I should be trying to take advantage of this new knowledge, but I can't think of how to. Help?" Fail.

Well, he can spend all the money he wants on Janet, really, but a hospital or an ice cream store? It's just not her style! And it's too deep into the realm of admitting guilt, as far as Erin's concerned, as the most expensive the present, the more extensive the guilt that resulted in its purchase. To Jaden's assessment of how boring a cake is, Erin just smiles.

And that smile becomes a grimace when Jaden decides to blackmail her… Maybe she'll just tell Janet herself. Of course, he has an utter and complete lack of knowledge, it seems, when it comes to taking advantage of people. "Um. I could sign your chest in sharpie?"

"Um. Ew." Jaden shakes his head and even holds up his hands to make sure there will be no chest signing. "Plus, when Janet sees my chest during make up sex, she's totally going to think you have the major hots for me and that'll cause all sorts of trouble that we don't need, right? Right. So, despite your hidden desire to see my epic chest of greatness, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass! Out of respect for your sister!" With that speech intact, Jaden just k ind of shrugs off the blackmail idea. "You can just owe me one." Pause. "A BIG ONE!" Okay, maybe it's not totally shrugged off.




Erin blinks, swallows, and stands there as if she's a cow facing down an oncoming train. She's still not sure she actually heard what Jaden said, but the longer she thinks about it, the more she realises that he did just say what she thought he said. "I— I can't know that!" she says, throwing up her hands. Oh god, she really can't know that. Except that she does! Maybe it was almost easy before to believe that - while it was weird that her sister was even dating - this romance was one of those purely adorable ones. That notion has been shattered.

Shattered like Erin's soul.

"Fine. Fine. Whatever, that's— Excellent. I owe you one. I'll just— I'll see myself out."

Impressions have been happening like crazy for the past few minutes and they're not going to stop just because Erin's trying to leave. Jaden moves out of the way, dipping his head down and grinning as evily as he possibly can. Which, is pretty damn good, considering all the episodes of the Simpsons he's got memorized.


Fingers steepled and Mr. Burns voice in full on mimicry mode, Jaden just tries to give Erin something deliciously creepy to exit to.

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