2007-09-10: The Three Date Theory


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Summary: Clearly, Lachlan isn't done traumatizing Elena. Now that he knows that she has a third date with Peter, every young woman has to realize that men have needs. And these needs clearly need to be demonstrated with diagrams.

Date It Happened: September 10, 2007

The Three Date Theory

Lachlan's Apartment, Brooklyn, New York

Some days, it just pays to be psychic.

But when you're not, you just have to make do with what you've got. Having absolutely no idea where Lachlan's been today, Elena at first thought about dropping in on Cass's apartment - but remembers she's got work. She has the research files, copied, from the future that Peter has asked her to do. She can't exactly drop these off Enlightenment Books, they were all on paper, people were in her store all the time, she didn't think it was safe. So, she goes for the next best thing. Lachlan, like Cass, lives in Brooklyn, and she trusts the big Scot to a) give the files to Cass, and b) see Cass at some point today. She just hopes that he's home.

Stepping up to the door, she knocks on the door, and rocks back on her heels, waiting.

Considering that Lachlan sees Cass every night and is usually good about the important stuff, Elena's logic is sound. He's already finished up the last appointment of the day (which, coincidentally, was the one right after he went ring shopping with Peter) and is preparing to head over to Cass' apartment so he can be there when she gets home from work. When there's a knock on the door, he heads over and peeks through the peephole before opening it. "Hey." He makes plenty of room for her to come in. "Wha's up?"

"Hi, Lachlan," Elena says, cheerfully with a smile. "Hey listen, I know you see Cass every day and I know she's probably still at work, do you mind if you hoarded something sensitive for work? I don't….honestly trust anyone else to be able to give these to her. They're from the future, and I was asked to make copies." She digs around her book bag, and pulls out a black binder, the papers carefully copied, organized, and fastened into the rings. This, she hands to Lachlan. "How was your day?"

"Sure, yeah. Was just headin' over there." He takes the binder after closing the door behind Elena, not even flipping through it. Nope. It's probably too complicated for him. Instead, he drops it off on the coffee table, where he'll remember it when he actually leaves, then glances to Elena again. "Peter says yer goin' on yer third date soon." Oh dear God.

"Awesome, thanks," Elena says. She steps further into the apartment, looking around. While she knows where Lachlan lives, she's never really actually spent time inside his place. Though when he brings up the third date, she looks over at him. "Oh…um…" She rubs the back of her neck, looking mildly shy about it. There's a hint of color on her cheeks. Give her a break, she's never done this 'seeing someone' thing before! "Yeah, sometime this weekend. I don't…really know what he's planning." She's been trying not to think about it to be honest, she had a lot of work to do, and she can't just spend her classes looking out windows and going through possibilities inside her head. "….wait, he told you?"

Oh Lord, doesn't she know the significance of the third date? It's the singlemost important date in a guy's dating existence, because that's the date where he usually gets laid. Unless he's Lachlan, who didn't actually date much before he met Cass. However, it is a Man Law, and so the Scot knows about the significance. In fact, he often took pride in getting some before even having to go on a date. "Yeah, he, uh, stopped by earlier. Went out ta get Cass a proper ring." BUT THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE. He also rubs at the back of his neck, scratching under the lengthened hair. What Peter's got planned. She needs to know. "Look, y'know wha' happens after the third date, righ'?"

"…..oh really?? Is it nice? Can I see it?" Elena asks, perking up at the idea of Cass getting engaged properly. "I mean, do you know how you're going to ask? I mean I know you already did, but…" She can't help it, it's Cass and Lachlan, two of her most favorite people in New York, and they're getting married. But Lachlan seems to be focusing on something else entirely and she blinks at him. "…um," she says slowly. "Sort of? I mean, I know it's important for some guys…." She doesn't really get into details as to why it's important. Come on, she's in college, she hears the stories. Why is she talking about this again? She has no idea, but the look on her expression could easily be construed as her not knowing what Lachlan was talking about….when she actually does, and is really just wondering why he's bringing it up.

Oh God, sort of? That could be used to screw up so many things. Things like, "I can pay you back in full" and "I love you" and "It's a boy!". Lachlan starts to grow just a bit more uncomfortable. He's no sex ed teacher, and for the love of God, this is a weird thing to talk about with someone who has seen you naked at some point (and one can be sure that he's not yet fully over that embarrassment). After a moment's fidgeting, he finally clears his throat and straightens, bracing himself. "Look," he states flatly, "ye've never fucked, righ'? There's some things yer gonna wanna know."

The young woman is thinking much the same thing. OH MY GOD. WHAT. Elena just SAW LACHLAN NAKED. And she's getting the Talk? Must escape. MUST ESCAPE NOW.

Somewhere deep in the recesses of her brain, there is a white flag, a red alert. ABORT MISSION. ABORT. ABORT.

"GET OUTTA THERE, KID!" roars a middle-aged man in a uniform and a helmet, who somehow resembles Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey of Full Metal Jacket fame.

Back in reality, Elena just gapes at Lachlan. She doesn't even know…should she even respond to that question? "N…no, I….it's just…I'm…I never really….I was so busy in high school and…it's not like…" She would mention that she's a devout Catholic and that she still goes to church every Sunday and confession every month, but somehow she thinks it'll just make this conversation worse.

Her awkwardness just makes Lachlan feel more awkward, but Goddamn it, he'll push right through this because it is Important. "Tha's fine, I mean … 'f ye were gonna … do … it with someone, Peter's a good choice. No' tha'— no' tha' I'd know 'r anythin', s'just … y'know, he's a good guy an' … s'just … look." Deep breath, Lach, deep breath. "Peter's a guy, righ'? An' he's got needs. An' sure he's no' gonna hate ye fer no' bein' … 'sperienced, but … 'f y'knew some stuff b'fore goin' in … an' …" Damn it. He casts around for something, comes up with a paper and pen, and motions Elena over. "C'mere, lemme show ye." Yes. Lachlan is going to make some Goddamn diagrams.

"I…" She doesn't even know how to begin explaining that Peter did it with her in the future. FUTURE HER. OLDER HER. 21 Year Old Her. By that point the world's gone so far down into hell that even she, Present and Actual Elena, can't blame her. In fact she was a little relieved that Peter and Future Her That Isn't Really Her DID do…things….she couldn't even contemplate on doing right now. Because that means Peter's got it out of his system, right? He's tided over now, right? RIGHT?! "…needs," is all she replies over the stunned buzzing in her head. All she can see is Lachlan talking. It's much like how a dog hears people talk. In Elena-Audiovision, in this case, it's BLABLABLAPETERBLANEEDSBLASTUFFBLA.

And then, he brings out a paper and a pen. He's gesturing her over. She follows. Because this conversation is a train wreck. And she can't look away.


After a moment's contemplation, Lachlan adds, "Well, if he's got some skin, dunna laugh. S'really bad ta laugh." Trust him, Lachlan's had his share of women laughing at his uncut bits. It's why he liked to get the condom on before they saw it. Well, then! That's all he's got for advice. "'F ye've got questions, ye should talk ta Cass. She's real good." Cass knows her way around … diagrams.

"I'll….keep that in mind…" Elena says. Well, squeaks. Because there's a tickle at the back of her throat. Should she ever do this ever, maybe she'll have to be blindfolded. But when Lachlan encourages her to talk to Cass, she nods. And smiles. Smiles. Because there's NO WAY she's telling ANYONE about this EVER. ………..but Destiny has something different in store for her a few hours later. Today's embarrassment is certainly not over.

Because she's meeting Jack a few hours later to see Father Brady.

In a church.

Once again, it pays to be psychic. Unfortunately, she isn't one.

She takes a step back. "I…uh. I'm gonna go now. Good luck with….you know. The thing." De ting? "With the ring." It rhymes! "I'll….see you later. Have fun— er…have a good one— er….bye!" And with that, she spins around, and vaults out of there like a scared jack rabbit. Oh god. OH GOD.

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