2007-07-13: The Upside Of Anger


Elena_icon.gif Heidi_icon.gif

Summary: Heidi visits Elena to see how she's doing, and the young Gomez is treated to a very rare sight. Angry Heidi is Angry.

Date It Happened: July 13, 2007

The Upside of Anger

The Gomez Apartment, Queens, New York

On this long storm the rainbow rose,
On this late morn the sun;
The clouds, like listless elephants,
Horizons straggled down….

She reads the poem silently, curled up on the seat by the window and her glasses perched on her nose. Elena is dressed comfortably in a tantop and a pair of shorts, quietly digesting the passage and toying with the poetic anthology she held gently in her hands. It was worn from much handling, the covers edges frayed, and several pages' edges curled up from dogearing and flattening repeatedly. Some words are highlighted, a scribble of a note here and there. Her long, dark, wavy hair is pulled up today thanks to a pair of chopsticks.

Summer showers were evident outside, the sky was gray, though it wasn't too bad. Sparse rainfull sprinkles against the glass. She stops from her reading for a moment to look outside, turning around on her seat so she could prop her chin on one hand and watch for a few moments. She sees a flash of lightning or two, towards the horizon where the darker clouds could be seen looming overhead. It was going to storm soon.

Still not sleeping well, taking catnaps in the middle of the day when she can, Heidi decided a while ago that she was tired of hanging around the house with nothing at all to do, and since she's really been wanting to talk one-on-one with Elena, she had George the Driver take her to the apartment in Queens. It's raining on the way there, and she keeps her face pressed up against the cool window, which helps her relax a bit. George asks if she's all right before he lets her get out of the car; the reply is that she /is,/ but she needs to take care of a few things.

There's a few drops of rain on a grey t-shirt by the time she reaches Elena's door. It's one of those days where she didn't feel like getting dressed up, and so the blue-eyed Petrelli is pretty casual today. Her black hair is up, though there are a couple strands still around her face. She's even wearing an old pair of jeans.

At least she got here before the downpour, and, after finding the apartment, she knocks on the door. "Elena, it's Heidi," she says after a few seconds.

She turns her head to look at the door. Setting the book aside, Elena removes the glasses from her nose and walks over to the door. Peering through the spyhole, she sees it is, indeed, Heidi Petrelli. In these days, she can't be too careful. So after unlocking the deadbolts, she opens the door and gives Heidi a ready smile. She looks well at least, she can still smile, her eyes are alert, and whatever plagued her in the last few weeks was gone. There's a soft, contemplative expression in her eyes though - the young woman was feeling reflective, but she'd be hardpressed to actually look sad about anything. Especially in front of people. She tended to hide such things.

"All the way through the rain to see me? I'm so touched," Elena teases the older woman, taking a step aside to let her in, and closes the door. "Do you want anything to drink?" she asks. "I experimented this morning and made some strawberry-banana juice. I left the kitchen a mess this morning, but I think Papa was just so glad to have me back that he didn't care." She frowns, at the circles around Heidi's eyes. "You okay?" she asks concernedly, leading the way into the kitchen and rifling through the fridge.

She doesn't have to wait long for Elena to answer the door, and is somewhat relieved to find that the entire family isn't here. It would have made it harder to talk about things — not that Heidi does't like Elena's family, /but…/

"It's good to see you," she says, as if she'd been fearful that Elena wouldn't be here. There's a good reason for that, too, since she'd been hypnotised before, and Heidi had been one of the people to see that programming set her off at the Den. And… People tend to worry about those they care about.

Once inside, she takes off her shoes by the door, since they're a little damp from stepping in puddles. A 'why not' is given at the offering of something to drink, though Heidi pauses noticably when Elena asks if she's okay. "Ah, actually I came to see how you were doing." It's… Well, it almost seems taboo to just outright mention what happened, but they both know. There's no use dancing around words. Plus, she's already angry - that shows up in the lines around her eyes and the angle of her eyebrows. But she's not mad at Elena.

As the younger woman searches the fridge, Heidi takes Elena's shoulder, gently urging her to turn around again.

There is a pause, the young woman pulling out the pitcher and setting it on the counter. The inquiry makes her pause. How IS she? Elena toys absently with the little handle of the apparatus, but she keeps her back to Heidi. "Well…." she says simply, taking out a couple of glasses and setting some ice in, and starts pouring the pink-ish juice in both glasses, and starts cutting up some fresh strawberries and bananas for garnish. "It could be worse, right? I could be in Africa doing god knows what. But I'm still here with everybody, just in time to get some good news about Jaden and Papa's new job, so…"

She feels the hand on her shoulder, and Heidi coaxing her to turn around. She has it in mind to resist, but she follows along, and when she's facing Heidi again, her eyes are averted to the far wall. But her face is still composed. "It…..wasn't easy to hear all of that," she says simply, looking over at Heidi and finally meeting her eyes. "It's not like I haven't heard all that stuff before when I was growing up. Poor, a minority. I wasn't going to amount to anything for want of connections. The more privileged thinking all I've got to look forward to is clean other people's houses and things like that. So….hearing about…that maybe -what I am- had been specifically engineered by faceless people who want to do something with it….it's nothing new to me, to be viewed as some part of a lower order. It would be worse I think if I didn't try so hard while I was young to rise above that. But I am."

A determined expression settles on her face. "I'm strong, Heidi," she tells her quietly. "Mama made sure of that, before she left us."

All Heidi wanted to do was see her eyes. Beautiful brown eyes that aren't absent, or that weird golden colour she's seen several times now. It's not as if she'd really be able to tell Elena's okay just by seeing that, but somehow… It just seemed important. Both of Heidi's hands remain on the younger woman's shoulders; her own worried eyes seem more reassured now, but then… She doesn't pull away. In fact, it's Elena's words that change something in Heidi's demeanor — it would have been visible before, though much more restrained than it is now.

When she learned Elle was caring for her children, there was anger. Now, there's just rage.

"/To hell with strong!/" she snaps, giving Elena's shoulder a shake before letting go. "That— There was no right, /no RIGHT,/ for anyone to do that to you. Anyone! Ever!" Insert a string of colourful language here as Heidi turns away, running her fingers through her hair, messing up the already messy ponytail considerably. "That's what saved you - you're strong. You have God looking out for you. That doesn't matter one" Another colourful metaphor, "bit when there's people out there who… Who— You can't excuse what happened to you. /I/ won't.

No one has any right to decide for you that you're less important just because your family's from a different country. No one has a right to label you as a possession just because they had a hand in how you were born." Her voice has risen considerably, though after this point, it quiets again, and Heidi turns back around. She isn't going to tell anyone that the very thought of wanting to hurt the person who did this actually crossed her mind. "And you're asking if /I'm/ okay.

"You're nineteen, Elena. What you've already been through… What you /just/ went through… That's inexcusable. And whether Carter's gone or not doesn't matter, because— Because." The anger reappears briefly, a flash in her eyes, a tensing of her jaw. "Because he deserved worse than what he got."

If Elena recoils from Heidi's sudden flash, no, -typhoon- of temper, she doesn't show it, though there's a bit of a wide-eyed look when Heidi spins around and rages from where she stands, pacing around her kitchen like some Goddess Avatar of Vengeance ready to LAZOR PEOPLE WITH HER EYES. But she's quiet. She lets Heidi let it out, rail between the walls of her apartment - and apartment her entire family was leaving soon - and she doesn't interrupt her. She doesn't seem to have the heart to, sliding her hands in her pockets and weathering the storm like an Irish cliffside….even if there's not one bit of her that's Irish. That was kind of Jack's thing.

When Heidi's done, she nods. "I didn't say I was going to excuse it," she says simply. "All I said was that I've heard it before. I've been looked at like that before. It's nothing new to me. It's not like I'm not upset over what happened, Heidi. I am. I….it's been hard to resist sleeping without the light on these days, but it's not like I'm not going to get over it. I will. And it's not like I'm not going to help Papa take these people down either. I will….because it's not just me. It's you too, and your kids. And god knows who else."

She picks up her glass of juice, swirling the liquid around absently and her eyes looking at her vague reflection on the opaque liquid. "I know very well that I'm not property. I'm someone's daughter, someone's sister, a friend to a bunch of people and maybe I'll even be someone's wife someday. I'm not a thing, but I'm not going to pretend that I haven't heard that particular viewpoint before when I'm concerned. Like I said, I do what I can to rise above it, even if…. even if all I want to do sometimes is cry. But I was never the….you know. Tear-shedding type. At least, not much."

She observes her quietly from where she stands. Finally… "….I've never seen you this angry before. Nathan ever tell you you're pretty when you're angry?" She's serious!

She wants to be able to protect the people she cares about. /Everyone/ does! But not only is she currently uncertain that she can even take care of her own children, she doesn't feel remotely equipped to do so. And this is part of the reason she's angry… Even if her part is caring about the people who are hurt by this inane… crusade, and even if she's happy doing it, the frustration is so there, all the time.

The temper is quick to pass, though. In fact, it's gone as soon as Elena speaks, though the sadness and exhaustion that was there before is back in its place. "What gives these people the /right/ to do this?" is her reply to that calm explanation. There's no answer for that. It's rhetorical.

She's about to tell the other woman that it /is/ okay to /cry,/ when that last comment drains the remaining fight right out of her. /What?/ There's a brief quirk of a smile visible from one corner of her mouth. "N… no. Usually when I'm angry at Nathan, I'm throwing things." And just for reassurance. "It's been a long time since I've—" Uh. "Thanks?"

It was a compliment of sorts. Right?

"Sorry. Sorry, I haven't been able to sleep. Just thinking about, well… I'm glad you're okay, anyway."

The younger girl is watching Heidi from where she is standing, quietly, and then she inclines her head and gives her a smile. "I know, Heidi. I feel it too. I mean, I have -abilities- and I still got bagged. There's really no telling with these sorts of people. You know the old saying right? Somewhere out there, there's always going to be someone better than you?" She nudges the glass of juice over to Heidi, and takes a seat by the table.

She takes a quiet sip, and she nudges a chair out so Heidi can sit with her. "No one. There are people like that….just taking things, doing things without a thought or care of human decency. I'd like to think the human race as a whole is inherently good…sometimes though…" She falls silent, her eyes wandering to the window in the kitchen overlooking the street outside. But when Heidi tells her that she throws things when mad at Nathan, she can't help but grin. "Mama used to do that too," she says. "Does explain why you can actually punch though." Plus all those months on a wheelchair pushing around the wheels giving those arms some extra strength.

"I know….though you should try. I know you're worried, but…you have to take care of yourself too. I mean, look at me. I made my own juice, and I spent the afternoon reading." She points to her book. "And listened to cheesy country music all day. You know… ~Ah will promise t'be yer best friend…~" she says, trying to imitate, AND BADLY, the Paul Brandt twang.

Heidi finally sits, though as soon as she does, she wants to put her head down and sleep. But the problem is, she doesn't want to close her eyes — so there's that problem. In any case, at least there's juice to keep her awake for a little while longer, and it's really pretty good, too, and it has that extra kick of sweetness so she doesn't pass out in the car on the way back to Hyde Park.

Ah-ha-ha. That comment about punching actually causes a guilty look to appear on Peter's face. "I think he's afraid of me now. A little." At least… She's noticed that he hasn't been in her head /since./ Heidi didn't know she had it in her, and judging by the look on Peter's face afterward, he didn't, either. "It's good to think that way, and… it's true. More people are good than bad. The way things are, though… I don't know what … I'm just glad we didn't lose you for such a stupid reason."

Her eyelids droop a bit, but don't close, and there's a chuckle when Elena attempts to sing country. "It's not as easy as that, or, trust me, I would. When Jack's car was hit… I remembered the accident I was in. More than just the sound. I remember being there, how it felt. I've been sore." Heidi sighs. "They told me enough of my brain was damaged that the memory probably wouldn't come back." But she had a helping hand, and his name was Linderman.

"Who, Peter?" The hesitation in saying his name is gone now - after everything, it seemed that any awkwardness about -what happened- on the 7th had been incinerated along with John Carter's car and the rest of the warehouse she had been holed up in waiting for transport. Elena and he were friends again, and they were even hanging out at some point tomorrow, so in -that- front, at the very least, everything was back to normal…or so she thinks. "If you're concerned about it, you should ask him if he is. I don't think so though….if anything he'll understand that you weren't exactly in your right mind when you hit him," she comments.

Her eyes soften when Heidi tells her that she's glad, about not losing her. "You never will," she says simply. "You bet your ass I'm going to fight whoever tries. ….so long as I don't get locked behind steel doors that are tons heavier than me," she says. At least she could joke about it now. A little bit. See, she bounces back quickly. Granted she does have the signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…her fingers are restless, and occasionally she would look at something longer than she should.

She nods at the last. "You told me a little bit about the accident. I…heard Trina was hurt really bad." THAT was something she felt incredibly guilty for, despite the fact that she doesn't remember anything.

"Yeah, Peter." Heidi sniffs a bit in laughter. She kinda sometimes thinks it's funny, and other times feels so horribly guilty that her first reaction was to break her brother's jaw. "I will one day. He's got a lot on his mind." Including little teensy nudgings from Heidi in Elena's direction, which— Okay, yes. She's meddling. But only a bit. Really. She just wants the people she cares about to e happy, and they're being so— STUBBORN. Dammit!

"I know you will." Finally, a real, genuine smile from Heidi. "You were when that programming was affecting you, too. I don't know if anyone told you that. You were there for a little while, long enough for us to get the… Long enough so that nobody got hurt." Get the gun away from her, so that she didn't kill herself or anyone else. That… For Elena to come back to reality only to learn that someone died because of this? It would have torn her apart. "You just don't have to fight on your own, but… you already know that." They all have an army of support around them. It's nice.

"It was bad, Elena. It wasn't near as bad as it could have been. I have no idea how they got out of that care, but… They did. And to be honest, I think both Trina and Jack would do it again even if they knew what was going to happen."

"He always does," Elena says absently. Mentions of Peter do make her remember the things Jack have said, and the letter to MIT on her desk waiting to be considered seriously. But could she honestly leave now, knowing that it's not over for her father, or Heidi, or everyone else? Then again leaving New York, she'd be less of a liability. One less person to worry about. The hotspot seems to be around the city after all. She props her chin on one hand, oblivious to the glint in Heidi's eyes. And stubborn is what stubborn does.

"…I was…? I vaguely remember….there was a gun…" She pauses, and she sits up straighter to stare at Heidi. "…you…you were there! You tackled me to take the gun away. For Jack to take it away from me." This is when she turns a little pale. "Heidi I could've…" The gun could've gone off. She could've killed Heidi. "I'm so sorry!" And she does sound aghast about it. But she does know, by the look in her eyes - she isn't alone. None of them are. Even if she -wanted- to be, Peter was never going to let her. He hated it when she hid from him, even if he never said it out loud.

He never had to say anything out loud. He could do something and she just understood. It was like Telepathy.

"….I know Jack would…." she says softly. "He credits me for being someone who….pulled him back into the world or something. To care again. Love again. Believe in other people again. It's….a lot to take credit for and I don't really know what he means half the time. In my view, Jack's -always- been like that, despite the crude exterior. And Trina….Trina would go wherever he would go." She smiles. "It's sweet." But she frowns again. "….god I hope she's okay…"

Heidi still doesn't know that Elena's considering leaving the city. If she did, well, she'd be sad, but it's important to do what you want to do. If that's where her heart's leading, then she should go, as corny as that sounds. She wouldn't consider it being one less person to worry about, though, since a lot of people would probably worry /more./ And if someone's really determined to get to her, no number of miles is going to stop them.

"You remember, though, see?" she says, the smile becoming brighter, expression more determined. "You were fighting it, and that's what's important. I knew what could have happened, but… We didn't know what Carter intended for you to do with that thing, Elena. It was important to get it away." Again, that image flashes through her mind of firearms hiding in places for her sons to find, and… she shivers visibly, which is made more obvious by the fact that she's so, /so/ tired. "And think of it this way. At least you don't remember the whole thing. None of it was even your fault. There's nothing, /nothing/ for you to apologise for."

That reminds her of something, even if she's not supposed to really know. "Besides, you had a way for everyone to find you, Meerkat. They were already thinking about it after you were taken. Everyone was. I don't think they would have been so eager to find you if there was any reason to apologise. At all."

Heidi saw Trina lying on the pavement after the accident, and it didn't look good. "If it makes you feel better, I'll ask Peter if he'd mind stopping by. But I think she'll be fine."

It was starting to become less and less of a possibility. Not with what's happening. Not with what's going on now. She had so many people to take care of. Help raise Juanita, convince Manny to at the very least graduate high school. Elena didn't want to leave everyone behind just because she was ambitious. And who would cook for her father? And who would help Desiree watch -all- the children once they move into the house Jaden arranged for them to move into? And Jaden….how can she pay him back for all he's done if she isn't THERE? She sighs, toying with her glass quietly.

"I know, but if anything happened, I wouldn't have been able to…" She falls quiet, and then she exhales, looking at Heidi and smiles. "Thank you," she tells her softly, reaching out a hand to squeeze hers. "I guess that makes us square, huh? I help people grab you from kidnappers, you keep me from doing anything nasty with a gun." She does look a little concerned though. She looks so -exhausted-.

When Heidi reveals that she's 'tagged', she smiles. "…I figured if anything happened like this, it would come out eventually. I trust you though. I trust everyone who came to get me not to say anything. Gene would say something different but…it was important for Papa to know I could be found. And the people closest to me." She had honestly only told Ramon, her father, and Peter, who replaced Drake as her best friend. And Gene, because he made it.

She shakes her head. "No I think she'll be fine. Besides…I'm sure his thoughts are taken up with his family right now. This isn't over, I don't think. Not by a mile."

She smiles with her eyes, her other hand reaching forward to pat Elena's. Heidi wouldn't call it 'being square,' it's more a thing that there's nothing at all owed between them. She's not sure there ever was, since, like Jack, Heidi would do the same thing again if she had to, but… She doesn't say all this, instead shrugging, and saying, "Yeah."

Heidi's own stress is coming over a year too late, but that's only because she's just remembered the accident. It'd been blocked out for so long that she barely remembered anything before they told her she'd be in a wheelchair for a very, very long time. She'll get over it, though. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Catching the look Elena's giving her, she adds, "Look, you don't have to worry about me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And you are, so I…" She's about to be caught in a lie, as evidenced by the fact that she sort of blanks, giving the other girl a helpless look…

"…Have… some stuff to get over. But I'll be all right."


"So, you're okay and everything? We could go out to dinner if you're not busy in a little while. I'm making Nathan stay home with the kids."

She eyes her suspiciously. Elena doesn't really believe that she's fine -right now-, but she won't press it. She squeezes Heidi's hand gently again, and slowly lets go. "I know, but you haven't slept. Tell you what, why don't I come over your place for a couple of hours? I can make you dinner, you can lay down on the couch or something and we can chat about your boys. I'm headed to Spain for work, for a couple of weeks, with a bunch of friends who have ties with EvoSoft, so I won't be seeing any of you guys for a while. And I still have to get back at your husband. Did I tell you? He sent me a red, white, and blue CHICKEN SUIT, at work. I didn't know what the hell I was pulling out of the box until it was too late and EVERYONE saw. But I have an idea. Oh yes." There's a glint in her eyes. Nathan wasn't going to get away with this.

"I'm okay. I promise." She laughs. "I have so many people to thank in my own way. I'm cooking Peter dinner tomorrow. He wanted to watch movies for some reason…." She pauses, and furrows her brows. "Actually…it's a little weird now that I think about it. I've been to his place dozens of times and I KNOW he doesn't have a TV let alone a DVD player…"

But, she shrugs. Maybe he kept it in the closet for added space outside or something. "I just want you to be somewhere where you can close your eyes and nap a little," she laughs. "But yeah, let's get out of here."

After the outburst with Peter, she's really not so sure she wants to go into her own fears and worries at the moment, because she's still so raw from before. In time, though. There's lots of time, and she doesn't need to worry Elena right now. "Spain, wow. That'll be an awesome… work… vacation." Seriously, /Spain./ The jealousy is almost visible on Heidi's face! Almost. At least the smile's still there. Someday, she and Nathan have to take the kids to Europe.

Then? "That /ass,/" she says, absolutely cracking up, because it's /hilarious./ If only Heidi'd been there with a camera, it would have been all the more awesome. She'll have to high-five Nathan for that one later. Whether or not Elena's one of her best friends, that's just something you can't /not/ laugh about.

"Oh, he deserves it. He deserves it." She's trying to talk through laughter, and it's not easy. "Just make sure he doesn't know you told me anything, or I'll never hear the end of it."

There's a brief span of time when it seems she's calmed down.

Then the visual of a red, white, and blue chicken suit slams into her brain again, full force, and, once more, Heidi is cracking up.

It's hard not to say anything when Elena questions Peter's motives, and it's easy enough to cover up that little smile with the fact that she was just laughing. She doesn't even have to try to fake it. "He's just worried about you," is Heidi's answer, and she's sticking to it.

One thing she's not going to allow, though, is Elena cooking dinner for her. "You deserve a little break, too. We'll put on a movie, I'll try to get some sleep, and then we'll order Chinese take out or something." It's not that she doesn't trust Elena's cooking, but more that she wants to make sure Elena's relaxing, just as much as Elena wants to make sure she's getting sleep. "George should still be outside." Finishing the juice, Heidi also stands. "I guess I should confess that I was coming over here to drag you outside right from the start."

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