2010-02-25: Toilet Bars



Date: February 25, 2010


Revenge is sweet, then sweeter, then sweetest… until it's so saccharine it just makes you sick.

"Toilet Bars"

Motel Room - NYC

The reason Erin doesn't like pets is because they shed. Well.

Now she's got a roommate that sheds. Honestly, she'd rather have a cat or something, because at least that's animal hair. She's been cleaning up little strings of Cody's hair all DAY. It's gross.

Still, she can't really complain. She's hidden. It's a decent place. Cody isn't awful, besides the shedding issues. Erin can live. Sitting on one of the hotel beds, she paints her toenails. Usually, she doesn't bother, but after being in that hellhole - and then the drainage ditch after - she really wants to feel pretty. The sleeves of her sweater are rolled back, exposing the bruises from the shackles that look much worse than they are. Conversely, the bruise on her forehead is probably worse, and that doesn't look so bad.

It's been hard not being able to contact people; Erin's been tempted several times, but since being caught, she's much more afraid of having to go back. Every time she thinks of that day she spent under Max Swan's 'care,' she literally feels sick, and since she can't stop thinking about it, she feels sick all the time. Hence, the need to feel pretty, even if it's only a little something that no one'll see, anyway.

Thus far, Erin has been spared Cody's morning routine, that's only because she came back much too late last night and left after only about two or three hours of sleep. It's really no wonder she's losing all of her hair. Since Erin has been cleaning all day, it's likely that she found the series of notes that Cody left for her, just like Cody found the shopping list that Erin made.

There's four knocks on the door, timed one second apart for the first two and less than a half a second between the last two. It's the signal that someone safe is about to open the door. When the key finally turns, Cody kicks the door and readjusts the four paper bags that currently load her down. It's the most she's shopped in eons. Erin is so high maintenance.

"Okay, I have a change of clothes, nail polish, perfume, makeup… I hope you like coral, it's on sale. All the stuff on your grocery list…" Her voice drifts off as she places all of the bags on the little table in the corner. Her arms reach into the last sack and she pulls out a box, "Here, I got you a Chia Pet to keep you busy." Then she takes out a few small plastic bags of various fruit. "I couldn't find any of that yermom fruit, is that some kind of new hybrid? Did I ever tell you how much I hate shopping? Meals for one are a lot quicker."

Stupid notes. Stupid hair! STUPID CODY. Erin grunts when she hears the 'secret knock,' which was contained in one of the notes. Okay, that was pretty clever. But she feels like she's in a sorority or something, with all this sneaky business. Don't answer the phone - not a problem. Another note-written rule. She just unplugged them all from the wall. If she can't talk on the phone, then Cody can't, either.

Erin, for a celebrity, is not high maintenance. She's actually pretty reasonable, all things considered. However, she's very much milking the torture excuse and using the opportunity to be babied, but luckily, it won't last too long.

When Erin found the note that demanded she stay out of Cody's power bars, Erin, of course, found them all, ate two of them, and flushed the rest down the toilet. A sticky note has been left in the place where they all were, which states, in nice script, 'that's for shoving one of these disgusting things in my face in the cell.'

"Had one of those as a kid," Erin says of the Chia pet. "Mom wouldn't even let us open it 'cuz she said the green 'crap' would get all over the place. So I did it myself one day. She was right."

Hiding a snicker when Cody mentions the 'yermom' fruit, Erin asks, "Did you ask anyone? Are you sure they didn't have it?"

"Good, I'm glad you like them." Cody says as she continues to unpack the groceries. In answer to Erin's question, Cody just gives her a stern look and continues to unpack. "Yes, I did ask. They told me to look over by 'yodaddy.' I couldn't find those either. So you're stuck with oranges and bananas." There's a nice little bruise on some of the bananas and a few more are likely to form after the oranges are plopped down on top of them. "How the hell can you eat that shi-stuff… low fat yogurt? I don't like that kind, so I got chocolate pudding and the Trix yogurt with the little candies that you can pour into it."

The clothes aren't exactly what Erin might find herself at a store, it's a few pairs of loos fitting yoga pants, some boxy t-shirts that are a bit too large (probably from the men's section of Walmart), and the 6-pack of floral granny panties courtesy of the clearance bin. All of these are tossed at Erin, along with a 10-pack of tube socks.

From the last bag, a large manila envelope is pulled. Without a word, Cody walks toward the other bed and turns her back on Erin so she can open it in private. There's a small jingle and the rustle of paper. Then Cody slides open the drawer of the nightstand and feels around inside without looking. "Erin… where the hell are my power bars?"

"Cody, say 'yermom' outloud. Then really think about it. God, you're some genius secret agent, I thought you'd see that on the list and get a laugh out of it. I didn't think you'd ask anyone." Poor Cody.

"What? Low fat yogurt is all right. It's better than eating hay." Marginally. "I mean, I guess it's not like I have to watch what I eat for the show anymore. Once they 'find' me, I'm fired. See what you did? Cost me my career." It might sound like joking, but there's a bitter, dangerous edge to it. Erin is Not Happy.

Distracted by the clothes, she imagines that what she has will just have to do. It's not like she can go out and get anything of her own at the moment. At least said clothing is warmer than going naked.

From out of her pocket, she pulls the last power bar that exists in this hotel room. The very last. "Well, I ate one 'cuz I was hungry," Erin says. "It was so awful, I did you a favour and flushed the rest down the toilet. If you're really hungry, though, I saved one to use as a doorstop. You can eat it if you really want to."

Slowly, very slowly, Cody turns her head to look over her shoulder at Erin, gaping the entire time. "You flushed them down the toilet?! Jesus Christ, Erin what is wrong with you?! They'll clog the…" And the agent turns back toward the bathroom and lets out a small groan. The puddle growing under the door is enough to indicate that the inevitable has already happened.

"Come on, pack up, we're leaving before they find out we wrecked the plumbing." She says 'we' as though she's taking responsibility for Erin's actions. In a way she is, because she's responsible for keeping the other woman alive. Getting a plumber in to fix the pipes wouldn't be so conducive to that.

Cody hurries around the room to repack everything she's bought, into gym bags that had been stuffed under the bed and a few plastic shopping bags. "Pyle found us an apartment, you'll be able to do a little more there than sit around waiting for me all day." The barbs about the fruit go unchallenged, the poor starlet has enough on her plate with trying to stay alive.

"Erin looks past Cody, toward the water under the door, and feigns disappointment. "Ooh, too bad," she says, gritting her teeth. "Hope that doesn't stain the carpet. You want to know what's wrong with me? Figure it out, Cody. It shouldn't be that hard."

Her tone turns angry in the time it takes to blink, which is weird, even for Erin. And then she's crying.

BUT NOT REALLY. Turning away from Cody, she mops her hand across her eyes, surprised by the sudden and extremely strong emotion. Erin doesn't cry. She just doesn't. She's not even sad. After a few minutes, she responds blandly, "You know, I really don't even know."

She was so strong when Janet found her. She didn't even flinch once she was rescued. But now, every ten seconds, it seems like it'd be so easy to just break down crying. Screaming? Sometimes she feels like it. "But, look, it's only a hotel room, right?" she asks, voice measured as she gets it back under control. Capping the nail polish, she pulls socks on without even waiting for it to dry.

Wasn't that important, anyway.

As Cody packs up everything, she tosses the manila envelope toward Erin. She's not asking for any help, she's got running down to an exact science after ten years. It doesn't take her more than five minutes to get everything into bags and next to the door. Then she folds her arms and looks at Erin for a moment.

"I know it's not a great disguise, but just trust me." Sometimes, a new hairdo makes a girl feel better. It happens all the time, Britney shaved her head after splitting with Kevin. That's not a perfect example of a good change, but it's close to what is happening to Erin's head at the moment. Cody smooths her hands over the woman's head and all the hair falls off, leaving her completely bald. Then she gives her a small smile and quirks her eyebrows, "Got a preference of how you want it to grow back? I can go from white to black to every color in between. Straight curly, thick, thin… You decide." For the moment, Erin is bare… hopefully she doesn't get angry and direct a little SARS Cody's way.

It'd be nice to have someone to talk to about what went on in that place. It wasn't even that bad, and Erin knows it. She's not injured, except for a few bruises. She wasn't there that long. Still, the fact that it happened at all cuts so deep that she can't just will the pain away. Collars. Chained up like an animal. They were going to train her to be someone's attack dog.

And in the end, that's all she meant to a good number of people. What she is, what she can do, makes her a second-class citizen. No, not even that. A pet. Something to be broken. This goes unvoiced, though. Cody isn't a person she wants to confide in, and so she'll continue to lash out in stupid ways… Like filling a toilet with power bars.

But that's all irrelevant when all her hair falls out.

Erin pretty much falls off the bed, rolling to the side in an attempt to escape. But when her hands go to her head, she finds that it's already too late. And she's starting to freak out, just a little. "Wh—what- Why? I can get you more power bars!" Somewhere, she's missing the fact that Cody's just offering her a new hairstyle. Thankfully, she's so stunned that she forgets all about the SARS.

"Relax McCarty, I can make it grow back in less than ten minutes.. Think of it as a free trip to the hair dresser's." But when Erin starts to talk about power bars, Cody's stomach suddenly goes into hyper growl mode. Before the bear has time to grumble too much or too loudly, Cody grabs two of the bananas, a pudding, a yogurt, and some of the granola.

Her dinner habits are less than ladylike because the blonde is hunched over the food like a hungry dog protecting its bowl. She's wolfing the food down as though it might be her last meal. Halfway through dipping the second of the bananas into the pudding, she looks over at Erin and starts chewing a little slower. "Oh… uh… sorry. I get a little hungry." The reason for the power bars maybe. After swallowing, she sucks on one of her teeth before continuing. "Look in the folder, there's a picture of our new apartment. And pick out your new hair, when we're at the new place I'll grow your old style back, but in transit you'll need something different."

Ah, there it is. Cody can grow it back. Right, one forgets things like this sometimes. Either she's being nice, or she's just covering her own ass. To be sure, Erin asks. "Are you being nice?" Because that would surprise her, if it was true. "I tried to kill you. I imagined you'd tolerate me at best."

And then, Erin tilts her head as Cody devours a fair portion of the groceries. "Yeah, it's okay, just… do what you need to." Erin's eyes roll up, a worried look fixed on her face as she notes the lack of hair in her face, which would be usual. Eventually, she drops her hand from her head so she can pick up the folder and page through the documents inside.

"Sorry," she mutters, though it could be about any number of things. The whole near-death, the recent freaking out, getting rid of the power bars. "I dunno. I had to keep it one way for the show. I guess I would have gotten it cut shorter if I could have. Maybe… Maybe red."

Between mouthfuls Cody shrugs, "We're in a situation together. I don't want to constantly watch my back at home, neither do you. So we have to make the best of it. You did try to kill me, but the way I figure it, you're not trained to deal with things like this. You were being proactive, something I would do. Get them before they get you." Either Cody is on the nose, or she's completely off base and Erin's just a serial killer in the making.

It doesn't take long for Cody to wolf down the pudding, yogurt, bananas and granola. It might have something to do with the fact that she had mixed it into a sickening sludge before practically inhaling it. "Red huh? Eyecatching… but I think you can pull it off with a pair of sunglasses. What's the style you Hollywood types wear these days anyway? Still those huge ones that cover most of your face?" Crumpling up the two cups and tossing them into one of the little metal trash bins, the agent turns to face the starlet.

"Okay, now do you want an auburn color or fire engine red?" No that it really matters, they've got enough groceries that Cody would try a dozen times before they're completely out. "By the way, when we move into our apartment, please don't flush my power bars down the toilet… You never know if I'll get hungry enough to dig them out and eat them anyway." She's had worse, toilet bars would just be another thing added to the list.

"That was the plan. There was no 'double agent' checkbox on the list I had." Which she no longer has. She can remember a couple names from it… Actually, she can remember a good deal of them, thanks to the fact that she obsessed over it. "I was kind of surprised. I thought Cody was a man's name."

Cody's eating habits make Erin a little nauseous. It takes her a good half hour to eat a salad! Or… McDonald's since she's not really the type to starve herself to look awesome. The fat free yogurt is really just 'cuz she actually likes it. Go figure. "Well… look, for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry." Kind of. She's not volunteering to leave Cody in peace.

At the mention of sunglasses, Erin smirks. "I… kind of have to wear sunglasses anyway." Mostly because her eyes glow at times she doesn't mean them to.

"I think fire engine red would defeat the purpose of blending in," Erin says wryly. She glances in the mirror, and sees blue eyes and bald staring back at her. "Just… do it. This is freaking me out."

Eying the spreading puddle on the floor, she says, "Don't shove your power bars in my face, and I won't have to retaliate." Nevermind that, at that point, Erin was almost starving.

As Erin looks into the mirror, Cody places one finger against her arm and gives a little smirk. Like a Chia Pet in fast forward, Erin's head sprouts a shock of red hair that grows out like a Ronald McDonald wig. Erin has her ways of being funny (powers bars in the toilet) and Cody has hers.

Once the three foot red afro of doom has finished growing, Cody widens her smile and takes her finger off the other woman. "I think you could really pull that together with some white makeup and a yellow jumpsuit. We could get you a job at McDonald's and you wouldn't be stuck inside all day. The bonus part would be that the kids will absolutely love you."

She lets Erin digest the do before holding her hands up with a laugh, "Okay, okay, truce! How long do you want it?"

By now, Erin's calmed down enough to realize that Cody's not going to leave her bald. Hey, for some people, appearance is important! Of course, she stares in horror at the mirror as Cody 'fixes' her hair. That's just cruel. "Nn-hn," she says, blinks, and Cody has just about enough time to notice the bright glow flash across Erin's eyes before she feels nauseous. Vomit-worthy nauseous.

Were Erin thinking, she probably would have done something else. She hasn't really connected the fact that Cody needs to eat to regrow hair, though. The nausea will pass quickly, though. "This isn't over," Erin says, "And you damn well know it."

One good turn deserves another? "I dunno. Here?" She turns away from the mirror, because, god, she looks hideous at the moment, and indicates a point a couple inches above her shoulders.

One thing that Cody doesn't need to eat for is to make people bald. Actually, As soon as she's leaned over the trash can and trying NOT to toss up her grotesque snack her own hair begins to drop off and land on the floor. She's just not having a good day. "Buuuhhhhhhh… Don't do that…" She's desperately trying not to get sick, if she does, Erin will have to be treated to another display of Cody's eating.

Now Cody is bald and is still wearing the McAfro. When the nausea finally passes, she reaches out to grip Erin's arm and the red frizz drops off in large clumps. Now they're both as bald as eggs.

First on the list is herself, of course, and within seconds 8-10 foot long braided whips spring out of Cody's scalp. She piles it onto the top of her head in a large bun. "In a few days, I'm going to train you how to use these things. It might come in handy if I'm ever downed and you need to keep fighting." She's talking about her hair.

Erin just looks pleased with herself. "Then don't mess with my hair without asking, she says. At the same time, she allows Cody to get rid of her current style without much fuss. Honestly, she'd rather have no hair at all than that.

And then, she waits - impatiently - for Cody to grow back her own hair. It really is an amazing power, as Cody could actually be a real life wereporcupine. That would be weird, but Erin knows that well already. A lot of times, she has to wear her porcupine makeup on set.

"Wait— what, use your hair? Your hair?! That's …" The word 'disgusting' is on her lips, but she chokes it back, fighting away the look of disgust. She can't afford to be dainty if she has to get herself out of a situation again. "…mildly disturbing. Fine." She'll leave it at that.

"How about if you do this for real this time, and we can get out of here. This place…" She holds up the envelope, "Looks a lot nicer than a toilet-flooded three-star hotel room."

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