2007-03-19: You Have the Legs


Mitch_icon.gif Benjamin_icon.gif

Summary: Mitch's accident in the park and Benjamin's helpful nature somehow leads to a conversation about dressing in drag and their mothers. (P.S. they've never met before.)

Date It Happened: March 19, 2007

You Have the Legs

Central Park, New York City

Central Park is bright and sunny this late spring day, although grey clouds threaten to change that by mid-afternoon. Now, though, it's time to bask in the nice day, since it might not last! Sweeeerving around a twist in the path is a woman on a bicycle, the length of her violet scarf flying behind her. It's not exactly warm out, so to fight the chill as she zooms along, Mitch has a tan coat with big double rows of buttons on and a pair of brown leggings on under her blue-and-white houndstooth dress. Her hair is in ponytails and she has her dark, Buddy Holly-esque glasses on, as well as a pair of rainbow-striped gloves. Her style is about as sound, today, as her attention span. With earbuds in her ears, she's lost in her own musical world, humming to Mika's "Lollipop" while simultaneously steering her bicycle with one hand - because the other one is trying to drink from a huge cup of coffee.

Benjamin is sitting in the park, finishing up his lunch break. Oh he's no longer eating, that's been done. He's focusing on a nearby squirrel who was enticed out of hibernation early. To the passerby, he probably just looks like he's staring into the space around the squirrel. The staring lasts a few minutes, when suddenly, the squirrel just keels over. No, it's not dead, it's just sleeping. A look of surprise is on his face, then a smile of 'I did it!' Of course, he probably looks guilty of poisoning innocent animals, if he appeared to be that sort of person!

It's not that Mitch is clumsy. She's not. Mind you, she's not the picture of grace, either, but she's usually pretty quick on her feet. Unfortunately, her feet are stuck on her pedals right now (and she's biking with high heels on, it should be noted), and as a sip of coffee goes a little south - between her lapels and straight down her shirt - her multi-tasking goes to hell. "EFF MY MOTHER! Fricking fracking--!" Woman and bicycle veer hard sideways, crashing in a flailing, colourful explosion of limbs, wheels and handlebars near Benjamin and his lab-squirrel. Her face smooshes into half-melted snow, and her eyes fly open to find that she's face to face with the sleepy tree rodent. Which, as far as Mitch is concerned, is dead. "OH MY GOD— oh my god!" Let the flailing resume.

Benjamin is snapped out of his moment of success, thusly breaking his concentration on said squirrel.. who wakes up and /scrams/ at Mitch's landing in front of it. Eyes wide, Ben rushes over to Mitch to try and assist her up. "Are you okay m'am!? That was a nasty spill." And don't mind the freaked out squirrel. "I'm surprised you were able to ride that thing in heels with a coffee cup in your hand." Which takes some degree of talent!

Mitch doesn't exactly look relieved when the squirrel flees. She's still kind of horrified that it was in her face. "I'm— " She shoves a glove-covered palm into the ground, pushing herself up while kicking her feet and in order to disentangle from her bicycle. "Multi-talented!" Except, you know, not today. Obviously. Ow. "Can you hold this for me? Thanks…" Still on the ground, she tries to hand the cup of coffee - which somehow, miraculously, thanks to the Caffeine Gods Above, did not spill - to Benjamin while she tries to scramble up the rest of the way. But then? Her hand slips on a patch of ice and she faceplants with a crunch that may be snow or her glasses. Hopefully not her face.

Benjamin helps Mitch with untangling her heels from the pedals.. if she'll stop flailing.. but then he's got the cup of coffee handed his way, which he takes wordlessly. At the slip and crunch, he winces, complete with shoulders shrugging. "Are.. you sure you don't need more help?" Cause he feels kind of stupid standing here, holding a coffee while a lady clearly needs some help. Maybe of the mental kind too.

"God DAMNIT." After nearly kicking Benjamin in her efforts to free herself from the bike, Mitch finally does a little push-up off of the ground and manages to clamber up. She stumbles backward and airplanes her arms out for a second. "/Whew/, that was less than cool." Thankfully, her glasses are unhurt - though crooked on her face, now - and she's intact. If rumpled. "What?" she blinks naively at the man, yanking her iPod's earbuds out after a particularly loud song cues. "I couldn't hear you over the Dandy Warhols. Thanks for your help, dude," she reaches out for her coffee, breaking into a bright smile for the first time. "Seriously, you're a lifesaver." Caffeine = lifeblood.

Benjamin jumps slightly and steps back when he's in danger of being kicked. It's kind of like the whole, don't stand to the rear of a horse. He blinks in mild confusion as Mitch has no clue what he's saying then, "Oh, music, nothing.." He smiles a little and hands the coffee back over. "I didn't do much, I didn't want any part of my body punctured by those heels you're wearing. Which.. you might want to consider carrying a pair of sneakers for wearing with the bicycle." Heels + bike = does not compute. He can't figure out how women walk in those things anyway.

"You saved my coffee. That's like— you're my hero. Seeeeriously," The woman croons graciously in her high-pitched voice as her cup is relinquished from the man, rainbow fingers wrapping around it. It's still warm, although it's only half full. "Sneakers?" Mitch stares at Benjamin blankly, then looks down at her outfit. "Sneakers wouldn't go with my dress." And obviously, she had to wear the dress. Obviously. She casts a concerned look over to her bicycle, then perches her coffee on the bench. "It's not as awkward as it looks, swear to God. I have it down to a science. If you've ever worn heels and rode I bike, you'd know," she chirps as she tries to haul the bicycle into an upright position. "I just, um— I wasn't paying attent— mother-eff. Could you help me untwisty that back wheel?"

"Oh, sorry, it was a stupid suggestion.." Benjamin says, even if it makes sense to him! He reaches up a hand to tug nervously at his ear before stepping in to help however he can with that twisty back wheel. "I can't say that I ever wore heels.. I don't think they'll look right with my ankles." The jab of humor is deadpanned, as if he were serious with the comment. As for Mitch not paying attention? That much was obvious, what with the coffee and iPod.

"HA!" Mitch exclaims in victory as the bicycle is standing on two non-"twisty" wheels again. However, she rolls it along and leans it against the side of the bench - which she decides to flop into, retrieving her coffee. As she takes a long sip, her dark eyebrows lift in assessment of Benjamin. Namely… his ankles. "Hey, hey. I've seen men with meatier ankles than you pull off heels," she replies, bubbly and matter-of-fact. "I mean, you wouldn't be a stiletto queen, but with the right platforms, you could rock it." Sip. Sip. "You have the legs," she deadpans.

Benjamin shakes his head fervently. "I'll pass. It's not something I'd like to even think about trying." Then, sputter, "What!? No, I don't think so, but thanks for saying so?" He's not too sure how to take that comment, so, moving on! "You sure you're okay? That was a nasty spill."

"I'm just sayin'. I've dressed some mean drag queens in my day," Mitch says, and… sounds completely serious. She idly stuffs the wires of her earbuds into her pocket and fumbles around to belatedly turn off the music which emits, tinny and exuberantly rockin', around her space bubble. "I think I scraped my freakin' knee. And my shoulder kinda feels like it's gonna pop in a way that it shouldn't." She slides her glasses off and examines them, on that note. "But I'm okay! Thanks, though. You know, most people would have ditched me by now or, you know. Pointed and laughed." Including her, if it had been anyone else. "You're like. Swell, man."

"Wow, really? I don't think I've ever see.. wait, yes I have." Benjamin muses, then has a horrid traumatic memory of the bachelor party. Ugh. "Just when I thought I'd suppressed the memory." He shudders within his coat that has nothing to do with the chilly air. "I'm not most people. If a person needs help, you stop to help." It's a mindset that's bound to get a person killed these days… He shakes his head, "Not really. I just do what most people should."

Mitch lifts her brows and adopts a silly little grin, curious over whatever image Benjamin is remembering. If only she could read minds! She fixes her glasses back on and wiggles her nose a bit. "Should, but don't. If I saw someone being stupid and crashing their bicycle into the ground because of it? I would have laughed at them. And taken pictures. I mean, it musta looked pretty funny. I'm an idiot." She laughs. "Good on you for upholding the charitable picture of optimistic humanity, dude."

"It didn't look funny to me. Just a little, well I don't want to say stupid.." Benjamin says. Taking pictures of someone's misfortune just comes across as mean, but he doesn't vocalize that. "I can't help it. It's how I was raised." By a very scary woman who swings a mean purse.

Taking pictures of others' misfortunes is Mitch's job, but she doesn't vocalize that, either. She just beams at Benjamin, giving a blase shrug of one shoulder as she flips the end of her long scarf over it. "You can say it! I was stupid!" She nods matter-of-factly to solidify this. "Me too," she says. "Well, on one side, anyway. The whole do unto others thing? Yeah. My dad was big on that," she babbles, talking to the stranger like the guy has nowhere else to be. "I guess it didn't stick. Probably because my mom's a big fakey liar who cheats people out of their cashmoney."

Benjamin stares agape at Mitch. "Wow, just.. wow.. You talk about your mom that way?" He couldn't fathom saying anything impolite about his! "And.. uhm, I wouldn't say stupid, it was just ill-advised." Aw, isn't he such a painfully polite creature? "I still would think having an extra pair of bike friendly shoes is sensible." But he's male, he does good to dress himself with coordinating socks in the morning. What does he know about fashion?

"Oh, you're totally reading me long. It's true. Totally." Mitch has to put her coffee down, pinching the cup between her knees, in order explain. "She's a 'psychic'," she finishes sardonically, finger-quoting in the air. That accomplished, she reclaims her drink. "And all that crap is just … um … crap, right, so she's a swindler, it's her job." The woman stretches out her legs, flexing her ankles around to peer at her shoes, unconcerned. "Eh."

Benjamin blinks then oh's. "I see now. I think, yes, wait, I do. That's not a very nice job.. She enjoys that kind of work?" He's positively confused by this. Isn't that cute? "I never understood people who like to do those sorts of things.. no offense to your mother."

"She says it makes people feel better in the long run," Mitch explains with another shrug and sip of coffee. "Thinking they've connected with their sweet old grandfather who died in a trainwreck and he supposedly tells them he's okay? She says it gives them closure. I get it. It's totally underhanded but it makes 'em feel better." Pause. "Dude, if you're gonna talk to me, you might as well like, sit down."

"That still sounds.. like a.. well I don't understand it. It seems kind of cruel to me." Benjamin says, shifting his weight from one foot to another. "Huh? OH, I probably need to head back to work here in a few, so I don't want to get too comfortable."

"Trust me. This bench? So not comfortable." Mitch wiggles, on that note. "Maybe I hurt my ass in the spill." It's… possible, after all, even if she did land on her face. Stranger things have happened. She gives the polite stranger a vaguely critical quirk of her brow, looking him up and down, assessing him for more than how he'd look in ladies footwear this time. "You work on Wall Street or something?"

"Uhm, well I hope you didn't." Benjamin says politely, and sincerely. Mitch seems eccentric, but kind of nice, in a weird way. "No, nothing that exciting. I'm an accountant. It's kind of boring work. Which I'm going to go get back to. It's only a few blocks away. It was nice meeting you m'am and I hope that you didn't hurt your backside."

"Uh. Thanks!" Hopefully he's not giving her backside too much thought. Mitch gives Benjamin a thumbs up. "Have fun with that!" It's shouted in a way that insinuates she doesn't think anyone could possibly have an ounce of fun accounting. She spends some time finishing her coffee, having learned her lesson about caffeinating and biking at the same time (for today, probably not for tomorrow). The cup is tossed at a trashcan and she sails off on the bicycle out of Central Park.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License